


The Guardian of Bill Pines

by TheFoggyLondonView



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Alternate Universe - Demonic Guardians, Bill is a train wreck waiting to happen, Demon Dipper Pines, Dipper is exasperated 24/7, Gen, Kid Bill Cipher, Platonic Relationships, but the one we're in is demonic guardians, i'm going to mention a lot of AUs alright, monster falls au - mentioned, other AUs - mentioned, parental BillDip, pirates au - mentioned, platonic billdip, reverse falls au- mentioned, serendipity au -mentioned, sort of, transcendance au - mentioned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-13
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2018-10-18 10:38:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 80,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10615164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFoggyLondonView/pseuds/TheFoggyLondonView
Summary: Dipper is a demon. He didn't used to be but things happen and sometimes those things thrust you into a new universe where you happen to be a demon and there's not much you can do about it. He's supposed to be going home eventually but when eventually is is uncertain. Now it's been a couple trillion years and he is so god damned bored. He understands why Bill wanted a party that never ends now.Finally Axolotl shows up with a job for him and it's not like you can say no to a god so Dipper wasn't going to be too much of a bitch about it. Until he heard what the job was that is. Basically he's supposed to be a kid's guardian angel, err, demon. Not a problem except that the kid is Bill Cipher who, turns out, is just a human child in this universe. Well, Dipper's not watching over the guy even if he is a harmless alternate version of the one from his universe. To bad for him he doesn't have a choice.He starts off unwilling but as he starts getting attached to the kid the thought of going home becomes more of an issue for him. Bill needs him. Not only is the kid a danger to himself but the universe is out to get him too. What's going to happen to him if Dipper leaves?





	1. Why Being a Demon is Not as Fun as One Might Expect

Oh yeah. Being a demon is just great. It’s so interesting. There’s just so much to do. Yeah, he can float around in the void, he can watch humanity develop, he can… flip around in the void some more. Yeah. This is the life.

This is so god damn boring he feels like tearing his hair out just to feel like something is actually happening in this endless expanse of empty space.

Dipper floated in the void so he was upside down. His clothing stayed in place on his body for no other reason than he willed it too. He supposes he could take a trip to earth and check out whatever era is happening now. His human form is almost effortless to pull off even out of the void at this point. 

Oh but he did that in the 1980’s and that can’t have been that long ago, right? He’s lost track of time, not that time isn’t a meaningless concept anyway. Especially to someone who’s lived as long as he has. He hates this.

The novelty of people watching wore off quite a while ago. Probably because it’s one of the only things there is to do. Visiting different time periods as they passed was fun. For a while anyway. As a child he’d always wondered what it was like to live in the 1920’s or Victorian England or ancient Japan.

Well now he knows. 

He’s met every famous person he’s ever wanted to meet. Edison, Tesola, George Washington, Eisenhower, Marilyn Monroe, Martin Luther King Jr. Every president, every celebrity, every scientist, every freedom fighter, ever important person of interest he has met in person and maybe even helped. 

He’s helped freedom movements; he’s helped win wars. He even helped fix the 1919 world series! And he is so. God. Damned. _Bored_. Being eternal is awful. Summoning doesn’t even happen that often anymore. Once every couple hundred years if he’s lucky. 

How did Bill put up with it? This existence is so boring and Dipper has a hell of a lot more freedom than Bill did. Jesus Christ, no wonder he wanted a party that never ended. Dipper would give anything for some eternal excitement like that.

However, Dipper is not the chaotic entity Bill was. He’s only ever used his demon powers for good. Well, except that one time… but that was an accident! He never meant for it to turn out like that and he still feels terrible about it.

Dipper floats so he’s right side up again, his legs just dangling in the endless empty space. He generally keeps a human form. It’s his last attempt to keep at least an illusion of humanity. In truth he lost that part of him a while ago. This form, however, is no longer the body of a child. 

He’s lived a couple trillion years at this point. He’s no longer a child by any standard so he’s chosen to be in the body of the approximation of his 20-year-old self. It’s really just a projection that can hold physical space. It can be touched and hurt and he can feel with it but he uses magic to maintain it. 

If he uses too much energy it will blink out and he will return to his weird, blue, one eyed, pine tree shaped demon body. So, Dipper’s gotten really good of not over using his magic. He puts his arms behind his head and reclines on empty space.

What to do, what to do… 

He could read. He has access to any piece of writing that ever has and will be written. Yes, that even means he’s read that fan fiction sitting on your computer you swore never to show anyone. He’s really, really, bored alright? But he knows everything already. 

There’s no point in reading anymore when you already know all the information in the nonfiction and can accurately predict the plot of the fiction from the first couple pages. Not to mention, with his advanced information processing levels it takes him under five minutes to read a 500-page novel. 

That sucks because reading used to be one of his favorite pass times when he was still human.

Dipper stares at the complete blackness surrounding him only held off by the light he is choosing to give off. It’s like he fell into the bottomless pit again except he’s not falling and if he stays here for 21 minutes he won’t pop back out the top and be in front of the Mystery Shack again.

_If only_.

Dipper sighs. There’s nothing else to do and he can only float around the void and contemplate how god damn bored he is for so long so… He supposes he can break his own heart by watching some memories of what used to be his home.

With a snap of his fingers he hops over to the mindscape. His mindscape to be exact. He floats for a moment before gently putting his feet to the ground. One foot forward then the other he walks along. Pine trees grow around him thick and tall.

It’s completely grey scale as always. Dipper lets his hand brush against the trunks and branches as he passes. He knows his way around without a map. In the beginning he’d get lost in his own mind, especially since it grew exponentially until it was almost endless upon becoming a demon.

Now he’s used to the mindscape. He can navigate around any mind with ease though he would rather not invade other’s minds if he can help it. Much unlike Bill who was more than happy to invade any mind he could.

Dipper stepped through the forest taking turns almost methodically until he arrived in a clearing. There was a tree there in the center. It was broken about half way up. There was only one branch and it had no needles on it.

It was only a short distance to the tree and Dipper covered it with long strides. He felt the smooth bark of the tree. It wasn’t dead. It was just different. It was like it was forced to stop growing normally and had to adapt to new conditions at a young age. Like Dipper did. Maybe that’s why it’s the control panel.

Dipper pulled the one branch and it moved down like a lever. A panel moved aside on the trunk and a screen appeared. A keyboard slid out beneath it. Dipper made quick work of finding what he wanted. The moment he selected memories every tree suddenly had a door or panel of some kind on it. 

That’s great if he wanted to brows all his memories but there are a couple trillion years’ worth of them. He needs to get specific if he wants to find anything. Dipper refined his search to just Summer of 2012. Most of the trees in the mindscape lost their doors. The trees nearest Dipper, though, their doors just changed.

Satisfied, Dipper pulled back and went to look through his memories. He opened a random door. Oh look, it’s him and Mabel competing in Globnar against Blendin. Dipper watched them win then closed the door.

The next one he tried was him and Mabel playing attic stuff mini golf and the next him and Ford playing Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons. The more doors he opened the more he misses his family. He knew that would happen though. He was purposely trying to make himself sad.

He checked every door. There’s no rush. He does have eternity after all. His eyes were watering by the time he got to the doors on the outskirts of the trees with doors. These doors weren’t nice and well kept. Fitting for the memories they held.

Weirdmageddon.

Dipper looked through them all. 

He knew what they were leading up to. How he got into this situation. How this started. He reached the last tree. It was damaged from how many times Dipper had punched it but still stood solid. His memories can’t be destroyed anymore. He can’t forget anything even if he wanted too.

Dipper opened the door. It was more like a cupboard door than an actual door, about the size and shape of the screen on Stan’s old TV with a simple iron handle. It didn’t sit exactly right on its hinges anymore but it still worked just fine.

Just in case, Dipper was careful while opening it. He stared at the scene. Everyone was holding hands in the zodiac. They were about to defeat Bill. A tear slid down Dipper’s face. This. This is the most painful memory of the summer. It’s the last time he saw anyone he cared about.

“Ok everyone, keep holding hands. This will banish Bill.”  
Ford said to the group. Stan looked at Ford.  
“This seems too easy.”  
“Well there is one side effect.”  
“Side effect?!”  
Robbie exclaimed.  
“Yes, but don’t panic. I’ve thoroughly researched this.”  
“What’s the side effect sixer?”  
Stan growled.  
“The energy we’re culminating will banish Bill to the equivalent of an unbreakable and unescapable box. He will never get out. However, the energy discharge will send us away as well.”  
“WHAT?”

“Calm down. I wasn’t done. We won’t be sent to the same place as Bill. We will be shipped to different realities based off our own. All you have to do is play along and the reality will recognize you don’t belong there and give you a way back here. You won’t be surrounded by exact strangers just different versions of the people you know. It won’t be bad. Everything will turn out fine.”

“How different of realities?”  
“It’ll range from the only difference being Mabel’s a blond to complete role reversal to, I don’t know, everyone’s a pirate for some reason.”  
“I don’t know about this. Are you positive we’ll be able to get back?”  
Pacifica asked.  
“100% positive. This shouldn’t be very hard. Just play along. It’s either do this, go on a little adventure, and come back unscathed or let Bill win and die with the universe.”

Everyone agreed the not dying option was preferable.

“One more thing. It’s doubtful we’ll all be sent to the same place so remember, no matter how much you want to you, you’re taking over the you from that universe’s role so you can’t stay. It’ll cause major problems. So when you get the chance come back immediately. Their world will not be affected if you leave.”

The energy rose as everyone held tightly to each other’s hands. The noise rose as the memory got whiter and brighter until it completely consumed the view and the panel door slammed closed on its own. Dipper didn’t flinch. It always does that.

From the edge of his vision Dipper saw another door appear on a nearby tree. It was the same size and shape of the one that just closed. Dipper sighed as his tears slid down his face. He might as well finish the journey since he’s here.

It only gets more painful from here. Dipper walked over to the new door. He looked at it for a moment then opened it. It was just black for a moment then a little blue pine tree could be seen floating there confused and alone.

That’s when the axolotl appeared. The little triangle looked at the large axolotl.

“Hello child.”  
Axolotl said. The little pine tree looked nervous and scared.  
“Uh h-hi? Who are you?”  
“I am axolotl. I am a god. I am here to help. You are Dipper Pines. You are scared.”  
“Y-yeah. Where am I? What’s going on?”  
“We are in the void. This will be your home for a while though you are free to interact with what would have been your world if you wish. You are here because the spell you used to defeat your Bill Cipher sent you here.”  
“Oh right uh, why am I like this?”  
“The spell, though easy to use, is very complex. The energy discharge changes you to fit your role in the reality you have been sent to and will change you back once you return home.”  
“So I changed to fit my environment.”  
“That is one way to put it.”  
“Then what am I now?”  
“You’re a dream demon now.”  
“I don’t want to be a demon! I don’t want to be like Bill.”  
“Don’t fret young one. You don’t have to be like Bill. You may use your abilities however you choose.”  
Pine tree Dipper was doing breathing exercises to avoid a panic attack. Axolotl waited patiently for him to calm down.  
“If you’re a god do you know when I’ll be getting back home?”  
“It will be quite a while before you get back home. Until then there is much need for you here.”  
“There is?”  
“Yes. History doesn’t move on its own. Sometimes it needs a push. You should find it easier to learn things and will gather information quickly with the mind of a demon. Use your time to develop your powers. You’ll need them.”  
“Alright. Are you going to give the other people from the circle talks like this?”  
“No.”  
“No?”  
“They are not like you. You are different.”  
“Why am I different?”  
Pine tree Dipper asked cautiously.

“They are temporarily taking over for their alternate selves that exist in the realities they were sent to. They will be fine without help. There is a demon Dipper in one reality but you are not taking over his life until you are sent back. You are an entirely new entity. There was never a Dipper in this reality before you came here and there will never again be one if you leave.”

In the memory pine tree Dipper stared at the big pink axolotl not sure what to say.

“I ask you to remember that. You must take it into consideration when the time comes. However, that won’t be for quite some time. I know you are but a child so I will watch you until I believe you can be on your own. Start with getting used to things and work your way up. You will be fine.”

The door closed on its own but far more gently than the last one. Dipper didn’t say anything. That happened a couple billion years ago. Axolotl hasn’t shown it’s self since. They said it would be quite a while before he could go home but over a billion years is just ridiculous.

What is Dipper’s point here? Why is he here? He’s figured out there has to be a reason. Axolotl wants him for something. Dipper’s pretty sure at this point he was pulled here from where ever he was supposed to be sent by Axolotl. He just doesn’t know why and that big frilly know it all isn’t saying anything.

Dipper exited his mindscape. Everything will go back to its usual state once he leaves. Well, that was soul crushing while it lasted. Dipper floated some more. He stretched out with his arms behind his head again and just thought everything over. 

He had eventually met this demon Dipper axolotl mentioned. Several times actually. Calls himself Alcor now. He was nice enough. Gave Dipper some good tips about being a demon since Dipper was still fairly new to it all at the time and Alcor had been this way for quite a while. 

The guy, turns out, didn’t start out as a demon either. They shared their “how I became a demon” stories with each other. Alcor was really interested in hearing about how it happened for Dipper saying something about a transcendence.

Clearly by his reaction what Dipper went through was not a transcendence. Alcor failed to bother explaining what exactly a transcendence is exactly even when asked. Speaking of Alcor, Dipper hasn’t seen or heard from the guy in quite a while. Wonder what he’s up to.

After pondering this for a second Dipper discarded the thought and decided to maybe sleep for a few decades instead. He doesn’t actually need to sleep anymore but it’s something to do. He’ll create some nice dreams for himself and-

He had barely closed his eyes before he was interrupted.

“Young one.”  
Dipper let out a breath through his nose before opening his eyes again and adjusted so he’s sitting up yet reclined facing the new comer.  
“I’m not exactly a ‘young one’ anymore Axolotl. I’m like a trillion years old at this point. Anyway, what brings you to my boring corner of the void?”  
“I have a job for you.”  
“Oh goodie. Can it wait? I was hoping to nap for a few decades.”  
“No.”  
“Wonderful. What is it?”  
Dipper had yet to sound enthused or even mildly interested.  
“Did you know that it is 2002 on earth?”  
“And?”  
“This universe’s version of your sister and her brother are almost three years old.”  
Dipper’s eyes widened a bit. Fuck. He wasn’t keeping track. He should be making sure Mabel’s ok and- wait. Did axolotl say Mabel had a brother?  
“Brother? I thought there wasn’t another me in this universe and there never would be.”  
“There isn’t.”  
“Then how-?”  
“Her brother is Bill Cipher.”  
“WHAT?”  
“That is his role in this world. He is Mabel’s brother. He has no magic. He is just a harmless human but the universe can sense he’s a version of a powerful entity and everything is going to try and kill him.”  
“So? Let him!”  
“These forces cannot be allowed to kill innocent beings.”  
“And why are you telling me this?”  
“I’m assigning you to protect Bill Cipher and drive these malicious beings off.”  
“Are you KIDDING ME? No. Absolutely not. I will not help Bill Cipher. Any Bill Cipher. Get someone else to do it.”  
“You do not have a choice. This is your role. This is why you were put here.”  
“I refuse.”  
“Everything will be out to get Bill very soon. Mabel is close to Bill. She will get hurt as well if there is nobody around to protect them. You have grown strong enough to defend both.”  
Dipper pouted and mulled it over. He sighed.  
“Fine… but only for Mabel.”  
“Good.”  
“I guess one life time won’t be too bad.”  
“All life times.”  
Dipper huffed.  
“At least I won’t be bored anymore.”  
“Go now. They turn 3-years-old in a matter of days and once they do the universal beings after Bill will be able to sense them.”  
“Yeah, yeah, I’m going I’m going. But FYI this corner of the void is mine and I will be checking back regularly to defend it.”

With that Dipper blipped out of the void and appeared right in front of the Pine’s house.


	2. Bill Makes an Unwilling Friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y'all are prepared for toddler Bill because he's fucking adorable.

Oh, it looked just like he remembered. He half wanted to burst in and hug his parents. He hasn’t seen them in a couple billion years and a summer. He knew he couldn’t though. They don’t know him. Not these versions.

Dipper looked around. No one was watching. Good. Bill might not have been able to directly interact with humanity until Weirdmageddon but Dipper is under no constraints. He can be a physical being in the corporal plain if he wants to be. 

That’s why it’s good no one’s around. It’d be pretty weird if a grown man suddenly blinked out of existence in front of you.

Dipper changed his visibility so no one could see him then changed into his pine tree form and blipped inside the building. On the inside it looked just like he remembered. He found people in the living room. Mabel was on the floor coloring with sparkly crayons. Her picture was mostly scribbles. 

There was a little blond boy on the floor with her. He had a darker skin tone than her and his eyes were blue. This must be Bill. He was playing with stickers, mostly sticking them on his face. Ms. Pines was sitting on the sofa watching her children. 

Bill pulled off a sticker and looked at it before putting it in his mouth. Recognizing the choking hazard Dipper floated over and lightly nudged Ms. Pines enough for her to look up and see Bill sticking more stickers in his mouth.

“William no!”

In a flash she was on the ground fishing the stickers out of Bill’s mouth before he could choke himself. Bill objected and struggled but Ms. Pines succeeded in getting all the stickers. She gathered up the small pile of slimy stickers in one hand and grabbed the stickers that were left with the other.

“William, sweetie, we don’t eat stickers. Or paper. Or rocks. Or anything that’s not food. Now I have to take the stickers away.”  
Clearly Bill’s pretty insistent on sticking things in his mouth.  
“No fun.”  
Bill said with a pout. Ms. Pines kissed his forehead.  
“Why don’t you color with your sister.”

Bill grumbled but begrudgingly obeyed. Dipper could hear Ms. Pines thinking about how she was sure someone nudged her but no one could have because no one was there. Either way she’s glad since it alerted her to Bill.

Dipper stayed around for a while. He mostly hovered around the kids. Once or twice he kept Bill from doing something that could get him hurt or killed. Mabel generally didn’t get into life threatening trouble. She and Bill got along well though it seemed.

It kind of made Dipper sick to see the same relationship he had with his Mabel existing between this Mabel and Bill. He could see their bond, another cool ability he had discovered he had, and it was already iron clad even though they weren’t even three yet.

Dipper tried not to be bitter. He has morals. He won’t hurt a child even if that child’s Bill. It’s just so frustrating. He misses his sister. He misses having that bond, having someone he could depend on. He just has himself now.

He shakes himself out of his misery in time to pull a cord away from Bill. It’s been two days and Bill seems to be realizing something is there he can’t see and it’s taking his “toys” away. Or at least he’s realizing it as best as a toddler can.

Dipper sat on the crib bars in his pine tree form. Bill’s asleep finally. They’ll probably transition the kids to big kid beds when they’re closer to four-years-old. Dipper lets the invisibility spell laps since he’s currently the only one awake in the house.

He’s not sensing any danger so he decides to spend this time searching the family’s minds for information. He can read minds like Bill could but unlike Bill he doesn’t have to make a deal to pull most any information out of someone’s think space though there are ways to bar him from it.

If he wants to get into a mind, to mess around or change things or control someone for example, then he has to make a deal. If he just wants basic information he can browse without going through the deal making proses. 

He may be a demon like Bill was but he is not like Bill. Not in powers, mind, or intention. He’s his own entity. He’s come to realize this. It took a while to figure that out though. In the beginning he always compared himself to Bill.

Then one day he said no. He may be a demon now but he will not be like Bill. He will not turn into Bill. He is not Bill and never will be. Immediately after he started making progress in developing his powers and mind and in the proses, he developed himself too. 

Because he was right. He’s not Bill. He’s Dipper Pines. And Dipper Pines is kind and just and will be there for the people who matter no matter what and that will never change. He’ll fight, he’ll protect, he’ll help. He may be a demon now but he is a good person.

There was a lot of drivel to sort through. Baby’s minds are hard to sort through. He went slow to make sure he got the whole story. Eventually he pulled together a working idea on what happened. He spun the strings of collected data into a coherent line.

Mabel Pines was born an only child on August 31, 1999 at 3:32 PM. Not long after there was a commotion in the hospital. A woman died in child birth. The baby lived but had no other family or friends to take him in.

Ms. Pines felt so bad for the little baby and when she got a look at him she fell in love. She always wanted two so the Pines adopted that baby and to both him and baby Mabel home. They wanted to name him Mason to match Mabel but the birth mom had already picked William.

Thus why Bill is here. He’s not related to the Pines by blood. He’s adopted but because he was born on the same day as Mabel (and close to the same time) they go ahead and call them twins. Well, that explains everything.

Dipper suddenly felt something grab him and pull him into the crib. He was let go of when he hit the crib mattress. He turned and floated up but his leg was grabbed keeping him near. Dipper was now face to face, ok more eye to face, with toddler Bill who had a killer grip on his leg.

“Let go kid.”  
Dipper said slightly lighting up when he spoke. It’s an involuntary action. Bill looked at him and tilted his head to the side.  
“Yes, I look like a pine tree quit staring like that.”  
“Pine tree?”  
Bill said this slowly like he was testing out the word.  
“That’s what I said.  
“Pine tree.”  
Bill said again with more confidence.  
“Stop.”  
“Pine tree!”  
“Hey don’t yell.”  
Dipper shut off the baby monitor with a snap so the parents don’t come in here.  
“Pine tree, pine tree, pine tree!”  
Bill seemed excited. Dipper ran his hand over his not face.  
“Go back to sleep.”  
“No pine tree.”  
“Oh my god, I’ve been reduced to arguing with a two-year-old.”  
“Three!”  
“You’ll be three-years-old tomorrow. For now, you’re still two.”  
“Three! Three!”  
“No.”  
“Yes.”  
“Say good night Bill.”

Dipper snapped his fingers and sent Bill back to sleep then turned the baby monitor on again. He made sure Bill laid down again without hurting himself and covered Bill with the blanket, after prying Bill’s little toddler hand off his leg that is. This kid’s got one tight grip.

Finally, Dipper floated out of the crib again. He’s been so caught up he hadn’t noticed that Bill woke up. He’s going to be more alert so this won’t happen again. In the morning when Bill woke up he look around but couldn’t find his new pine tree friend.

This must have been very upsetting to him because he immediately started crying. Ms. Pines was soon in the room, probably having heard Bill start crying through the baby monitor still in the room. Ms. Pines was quick to pick Bill up and try to calm him down without much luck.

“What’s wrong William? Why are you so upset?”  
“P-pine tree!”  
Bill sobbed. Ms. Pines stopped. She’s heard him say a lot of words but pine and tree aren’t on that list. Especially not put together like that.  
“Where’d you learn to say that?”  
“Pine tree!”

Bill continued to cry. Dipper sighed. He floated so he was behind Ms. Pines about 4 feet away and became visible again. Bill saw him over his mom’s shoulder and quit crying, instead making grabby hands for Dipper.

“Pine tree, pine tree!”

Bill was happy now. He seemed to have immediately grown attached to Dipper. Of course he probably thinks Dipper is a special toy or stuffed animal or something. Ms. Pines turned around to see what Bill was looking at but Dipper moved the same way so he remained behind her.

Dipper floated up to Bill and whispered to him.

“This is just between us.”

He put his finger over Bill’s lips in a be quiet gesture then blinked out of existence. Of course how much of that Bill understood was debatable. He’s only three-years-old as of today. Dipper floated around the void. So far no one seemed to have taken interest in his corner. Good.

After a brief break in the void Dipper blinked back to the corporal plain. Invisible again he floated around the kitchen as the kids, Dipper will call them twins over his dead body, get cake for the first time. He was sure to stay high up so as to avoid the mess.

Mabel had taken one bite and gone crazy for it. That means she was getting cake and frosting everywhere. In her hair, on the floor, on her father, you name it. Bill wouldn’t open his mouth no matter how much persuasion his mom tried.

Bill would put literally anything in his mouth. Except cake apparently.

“Come on sweetie. You’ll love it. Just give it a try.”  
“Mm-mm.”  
Bill shook his head.  
“He doesn’t want it Linda. Just leave him be.”  
Mr. Pines said as he tried to wipe Mabel’s mouth.  
“I just don’t understand. He puts everything into his mouth.”  
“We’ll just give the cake to Mabel.”  
“Yay! More! More!”  
Mabel shouted flinging some more frosting around in the proses. Some of it hit Mr. Pines in the face.  
“Leave William alone for a second and help me with Mabel please.”

Ms. Pines told Bill to stay then went over to help with Mabel. With the adults sufficiently distracted Dipper floated over and made himself visible. However, he used a trick he thought up during his break in the void and made himself only visible to Bill. Bill’s the only one who’ll be able to hear him too.

“Hey kid.”  
“Pine tree!”  
“Shh, shh, quiet.”  
“Pine tree.”  
Bill said again but this time in a whisper. He giggled afterward.  
“Ok, you want some cake?”  
“Icky.”  
“You haven’t even tried it.”  
“No. Icky.”  
“Hey I get it. It’s weird looking, right?”  
“Yes.”  
“It’s brown and colorful like all the stuff your mom keeps telling you not to eat, right?”  
“Yes, yes.”  
“And now your confused about what you can and can’t eat.”  
Bill nodded.  
“Well this is ok to eat. The brown part is chocolate, you know what that is right?”  
“Uh-huh.”  
“Wonderful. Now, the colorful part is called icing. It’s basically just sugar. So all of the stuff on your plate is the sweet stuff mommy and daddy eat after dinner that they wouldn’t let you have before. You’re three now so you’re allowed to eat sweet stuff. Still don’t want to try it?”  
“Try, try!”  
“That’s what I thought. Don’t worry I had to be explained this too when I was your age.”

Mr. and Ms. Pines were still distracted with Mabel so Dipper picked up the fork and got some cake on it and fed it to Bill who ate it and pondered the taste. He eventually seemed to come to a decision on the sweet treat.

“So what do you think?”  
“Icey only.”  
“You just want the icing?”  
“Yes.”  
“Ok tell your mom.”

Dipper floated back a ways as Ms. Pines came back over to Bill.  
“Hey sweetie, one more time, do you want some cake?”  
“Icey only.”  
“Just the icing?”  
“Yeah! Yeah!”

Ms. Pines reached for the fork Dipper left on the plate and noticed there was a fork full missing from the cake. Weird. Never the less she scraped all the icing off the cake on the plate and let Bill eat that. Bill loved that. 

Once the kids (and kitchen) were cleaned up it was present time. Dipper didn’t hang around to watch what they got past the first box Bill all but destroyed to get into. He sensed something from elsewhere on the property.

He killed a few shadow beings that he could sense mal-intent from. Axolotl was right. They’re coming for Bill. After a few more circles around the property Dipper arrived back in Bill’s room. He had just been put to bed.

He can’t believe he’s protecting Bill Cipher. However, when he has a job he takes it seriously so it’s not like he’s going to let the kid die. This is going to be so bothersome. He just had to start interacting with the kid. It’s all just more work now.

Dipper sat on the crib bars looking into the crib. Bill was still awake and sat up making grabby hands when he spotted Dipper. Dipper refused to go close enough to be grabbed and when Bill realized he wasn’t going to be able to reach Dipper he started crying.

“Pine tree!”  
Shit. Dipper can’t have Bill start crying it’ll attract too much attention. He needs to shut him up fast.  
“Oh wow. It’s your birthday. Have a present.”

Dipper snapped and a pillow the exact size, shape, and color he was appeared in the crib. When Bill saw it he stopped crying. He reached out and grabbed it. He squished it in his hands and laughed, hugging it to him happily.

“Pine tree.”

Even Dipper had to admit the scene was adorable.

Oh god he’s finding Bill Cipher cute.

“Go to bed Bill.”

Bill didn’t struggle and laid down and went to sleep hugging his new pillow friend like his floating pine tree friend told him too. He was tired anyway. With a flick of the wrist Dipper made sure the blankets were pulled up properly before turning to face the room instead of the crib.

He kept a constant vigilance of the room all night. On one occasion he had to stop a monster that had gotten into Bill’s room. Things are only going to get harder from here. Dipper gets what these monster guys are doing.

Bill Cipher the demon was like the biggest of the bad. He’s gone now so the monsters and creatures want to take out all their bitterness to him on one of his alternates since they can’t fight the real thing anymore. And what easier target is there than a defenseless human child version.

After making another round of the bedroom Dipper floats back to the crib. He looks at Bill who is sleeping soundly. As much as Dipper hates Bill, and he does with everything he’s got, he would not harm a child and won’t stand for anyone else doing so either. 

So he’ll do his job and keep Bill safe but no more than that. He’s not going to get close. If he plays his cards right Bill will grow up completely forgetting the floating pine tree he found in his crib when he was a toddler.


	3. Bill's About as Reckless as You Would Expect

Remember that plan to only protect Bill and do it silently from the shadows and not get involved in any way?

Yeah. That didn’t work out.

Bill is now five and he is an ungodly terror. Dipper has enough of a time fending off supernatural beings trying to kill the kid without having to literally keep a mental lockdown on Bill’s whereabouts at all times or risk him getting himself killed without the help of outside forces.

It’s physically impossible for Dipper to tire out. He doesn’t run out of energy. He doesn’t need sleep. He doesn’t need food. But god, what he’d give for a spa day. Fuck if that’s generally considered a chick thing. He stopped caring about gender rolls several thousand years ago.

He is exhausted and really, really wants a nap.

“Bill holy crap don’t touch that!”  
Dipper grabbed Bill by the shirt and dragged him away from the electric fence.  
“What have I told you that applies to this situation?”  
“Don’t touch things that will clearly get you electrocuted?”  
“Yes. Exactly.”  
“But I want to know what electricity feels like.”  
Dipper pinched where his nose would be if he had a face.  
“You really want to know?”  
“Yes!”  
“Are you sure?”  
Bill grinned widely showing off the gap where one of his baby teeth fell out recently from face planting on asphalt and nodded vigorously.  
“Please pine tree!”  
Dipper groaned.  
“Ok I’ll give you the feeling without the damage if you promise to stop trying to electrocute yourself.”  
“Promise! Now do it! Do it! Do it!”

Dipper sighed and snapped his fingers. A jolt went through Bill. Dipper gave him barely a fraction of what a real electrocution would feel like but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t intense and painful. Bill’s hair stood on end and he actually started smoking. 

These were just effects however as Dipper had made sure Bill wouldn’t actually sustain any damage. It ended as quickly as it began. Bill wobbled in place as tears cascaded down his cheeks in heavy streams. It was incredibly painful but Bill clearly didn’t regret it.

“T-t-thanks-s p-p-pine tree-ee-ee.”  
“I should have known you’d be a masochist.”

Dipper snapped again and brought Bill back to pre-electrocution condition, hair’s back in place and no more smoke or burn marks. Can’t have the parents worry more than they already do. There is nothing about Bill you shouldn’t be worried about.

“Come on, let’s get you home. Your parents are probably freaking out.”  
“They shouldn’t freak out. I have you, I’m safe.”  
“They can’t see or hear me. They think I’m your imaginary friend.”  
“Yeah I know.”  
As they walked, well, Bill walked Dipper floated, Bill pulled the bloody tooth he lost earlier that day out of his pocket. Dipper glanced at him admiring it and rolled his eye.  
“If you’re going to keep it at least wash the blood off it when you get home.”  
“Nah I like it this way better. Sides the tooth fairy probably don’t care if it’s got a little blood on it.”  
“She might.”  
“Hey, you watch me while I sleep every night. Can you tell me what the tooth fairy looks like when she comes tonight?”  
“She looks like your mom because the ‘tooth fairy’ is really just your mom, or dad I suppose. The whole tooth fairy thing is just another lie parents tell their impressionable children.”  
Bill put his tooth back in his pocket.  
“Wow, you really don’t let me have any childhood wonder do you?”  
“Nope.”

They kept walking until they reached the Pines home. Bill walked inside like he hadn’t been missing for most of the day with Dipper floating behind him. The moment he got inside Mabel saw him and shouted “Bill” before tackle hugging him. The shout alerted the parents who also came rushing in.

“Oh my god, William, where were you?!”  
Ms. Pines said with the amount of panic equivalent to this being the first time this has happened which is entirely untrue. Bill gets out all the time.  
“Bill, mom. Pine tree calls me Bill. Call me Bill.”  
“Bill sweetie you can’t run off by yourself like that.”  
“I wasn’t by myself. Pine tree was with me. He protects me.”  
“Sweetie, I know you like your imaginary friend but he’s just that. Imaginary. He can’t actually protect you from anything. You need a real adult for that.”  
“He is a real adult. He’s like a trillion years old. Speaking of pine tree, I need to get out the dictionary again. I’m not sure what the definition of masochist is.”  
“Masochist? Where are you learning these words?”  
“Pine tree.”  
Ms. Pine sighed.  
“Mabel let go of your brother so I can make sure he’s not hurt.”  
Mabel backed off at her mother’s request and Ms. Pines checked Bill over. He appeared perfectly fine.  
“Do you hurt anywhere Bill?”  
“Nope. My mouth doesn’t even hurt anymore.”  
“What happened to your mouth?”  
Bill grinned showing off the gap in his teeth.  
“Oh your loose tooth came out.”  
“Nah that one’s still in there. This is a different one. Look, I kept it!”  
Bill fished out his tooth from his pocket. It still had dried blood on it. Bill looked so proud of himself. Ms. Pines looked horrified.  
“How did you lose one that wasn’t loose?!”  
“I face planted on the asphalt after jumping off a swing.”

Ms. Pines ran a hand over her face in exasperation. Her son is aging her like nothing else with these antics. He’s only five-years-old. Couldn’t he remain her little angel for a little while longer? Oh well, back to business.

“You are grounded. No TV for a week.”  
Bill’s face fell.  
“What?”  
“You heard me. This has gone on long enough. You cannot leave without a real human adult. That means me or your father. Simply telling you this is apparently not getting through.”  
“But a week’s like forever!”  
“Tough luck. It’s effective immediately. Go to your room.”

Bill hung his head and kicked the rug before leaving for his room. Dipper floated after him. Once inside Bill sat on his bed in the dark and pouted. Dipper floated next to him and didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to. Bill knew what he was thinking.

“Go on, say it. Say you were right again. Lecture me on why I should listen to you more. Go on. I can’t run. Or does there not being a chase take all the fun out of it for you?”  
“I could lecture you as usual but you have yet to listen so I don’t see a point. But yes, I was right again. All-knowing demon remember?”  
“Yeah, yeah, I get it. You don’t need to rub it in my face.”  
“You out right asked me to rub it in your face and who am I to refuse such a rare request?”  
Bill sent a glare at Dipper.  
“You are single handedly the most insufferable-”  
“Bill who are you yelling at?”

Mabel had slipped into the room, turning the light on to see better. Both Bill and Dipper looked at her then back at each other then back at her. Dipper can still only be seen and heard by Bill. To Mabel it looked like her brother was talking to and glaring at thin air. 

“…Pine tree.”  
Mabel frowned.  
“Bro-bro I love you but even I’m starting to get worried you’re crazy. There’s no one there! And you act like someone is actually with you and keeping you safe when you sneak out. I have made up friends too but even I know they aren’t real. Pine tree isn’t real.”  
Bill turned his head to look at Dipper.  
“Make yourself visible to her.”  
“No.”  
“Do it pine tree. We both know you’re corporeal. You’re just using some magicky thing to make it so only I can see and hear you.”  
“I said no. I’m already too involved with your lives. I’m not getting in any deeper.”

Bill grabbed his special pine tree pillow, the same one Dipper gave him when he was three, and chucked it at Dipper who didn’t have enough time to get out of the way of the projectile. The result was Mabel witnessing a pillow collide with an invisible surface. Something is there, she just can’t see it.

“W-what? What’s there? Something’s there.”  
Mabel sounded scared. Bill continued to glare at Dipper.  
“Show yourself pine tree.”  
Dipper groaned.  
“Fine.”  
Dipper undid the magic keeping him hidden and became visible to Mabel. She gasped. Bill looked smug.  
“See, I’m not crazy. Pine tree is real.”  
“You tried to touch an electric fence earlier. You are definitely crazy.”  
Dipper said sounding annoyed. Mabel piped up in a nervous voice.  
“Um, Mr. pine tree, what- who are you?”  
Dipper floated over to her.

“My name is actually Dipper and I would appreciate if you would use that name. Your brother saw my shape the night before you two turned three and hasn’t stopped calling me pine tree since. It’s nice to meet you. As for what I am I am a dream demon. As for what I’m doing here, I know that’s your next question, I watch over Bill. I keep outside forces from killing him and him from accidentally killing himself.”

“So, you’re his guardian angel?”  
“I suppose that could be considered an accurate definition of this complex relationship, except I’m a demon not an angel. So I presume demonic guardian would be the most accurate term.”  
“I see where Bill’s learning those big words from now.”  
“My apologies. I tend to get carried away. I can make my language simpler if you would like.”  
“That’s ok.”  
“Very well. If you ask I will define any word you aren’t familiar with for you.”  
Mabel nodded.  
“So, this means when Bill said he had somebody with him protecting him he was telling the truth?”  
“Absolutely. I never leave him.”  
“Never?”  
“Look, it’d be great if I could have a spa day or if I could have some time to visit my home in the void but Bill is a full time job. If I leave he could get killed.”  
“I could sit on him for a few hours so you could get a chance to relax.”  
Dipper laughed, his form lighting up as he did so.  
“Oh Mabel, that’s sweet of you but two five-year-old children are no match for what’s after Bill. If they sense he’s unguarded and attack while I’m gone it’ll be all over.”  
“W-what’s after Bill?”  
“The universe. But don’t worry he’s safe with- hold on.”

Dipper floated over to the closet and opened it. A shadow snack sped out and Dipper destroyed it with blue fire before it got farther than a foot away. A hiss could be heard as it disintegrated. Afterwards Dipper did a sweep of the room before returning to Mabel.

“As I was saying, Bill’s safe with me.”  
“What was that?”  
“Monster. Don’t worry they’re after Bill not you. You’ll be fine.”  
Mabel frowned.  
“No, I’m serious. They won’t bother you or your parents. They’ll only bother Bill and he has me so there is absolutely no reason to worry.”  
“How do you know?”  
“I know everything. I’ve watched the universe form. I watched the life of earth evolve from the smallest bacteria. I saw what happened to the the dinosaurs. I’ve read every piece of writing that has ever existed or will ever exist. I know everything.”

As he said this images flashed where his eye was but they went far too fast for Mabel to get a good look at any of them. She seemed to accept this answer and Dipper’s eye returned to normal when he was done speaking.

"What happened to the dinosaurs?"  
Bill asked from the bed.  
"Nothing because they never actually existed. Aliens visited Earth and set up every fossilized foot print and planted all the bone etc as an elaborate prank on future civilizations. They were clearly college kids avoiding studying for their finals."  
“Wow. I love it when you prove modern science wrong."  
"Is it hard working as a pine tree?”  
Mabel asked, bringing the attention back to her. No one has ever asked Dipper that.  
“Well, it’s not my preferred form but I can get around pretty easy in it without disturbing things and drawing attention to myself. I am corporeal after all.”  
“I don’t know what corpearl means.”  
“No, not corpearl cor-por-ee-all.”  
Dipper sounded the word out for Mabel.  
“Something is corporeal if it exists in the physical plain. Example: you are corporeal. You exist physically in this world or plain of existence and can physically interact with other things in it.”  
“Oh ok.”  
“Since we’re looking up words what does masochist mean?”  
Bill asked.  
“A masochist is someone who derives pleasure from situations others might find painful or tedious. It’s often used in the sexual context but I am not using it in that context.”  
“We should add that to my list of words I’m not supposed to know yet.”

Dipper is an endless source of information. He uses big words often and is around Bill all the time. He also talks to Bill all the time. So Bill often asks what the words Dipper uses mean if he doesn’t know them. Dipper’s more than happy to tell him and then Bill adds them to a list for future reference.

Spending countless hours with a creature of infinite knowledge resulted in Bill being a five-year-old with a vocabulary and comprehension skills a child that young should not be capable of. Even as a toddler before he could really ask what words meant he would still pick out ones he liked from what Dipper would say and repeat it frequently.

The two weeks four-year-old Bill spent trying to pronounce articulated correctly were wild.

His parents were completely baffled as to where their son was learning these long and occasionally uncommon words from. They never figured it out and just accepted they may have a gifted child on their hands. Now Bill’s five and his speech and comprehension is still above his age range. 

Dipper suspects his magical influence has caused Bill to be able to excel beyond what is normal. However, that being true or not does not negate the fact that he is smart even without the extra help, very smart actually, and quick but _only_ if he finds what he’s doing interesting enough to apply himself.

“Sure Bill.”  
“Dipper, can I ask you a question?”  
“Ask me any questions you want.”  
“If a pine tree isn’t the form you like what is?”  
Dipper was quiet a moment. He glanced at the door.  
“Do you want me to show you?”  
“Yes.”  
“Step back.”

Mabel stepped away and Dipper sent up a column of Blue flames around him. They didn’t catch anything on fire but when they went out Dipper was standing there in his human form. He looked like a 20-year-old college student. 

Casual flannel over a back t-shit with a UFO on it and jeans. His hair was a mess as always, shoes worn but useable. Really the only thing he was missing to complete the college kid look was bags under his eyes and a Starbucks coffee. Bill and Mabel stared at him.

“Ok kids that’s enough staring. It’s still me. Or would you rather me be younger.”  
In another burst of flame Dipper transformed into his twelve-year-old self.  
“I’m not really comfortable being this young but-”  
“You look like me.”  
Mabel said. Dipper didn’t say anything for a moment then turned back into a pine tree.  
“That’s the form I like best. Well, the first one is.”  
“Why did you look like me?”  
Mabel asked.  
“If you guys ever need me to substitute for an adult just ask.”  
Dipper said, ignoring the question completely.  
“Dipper, why did you look like me?”  
“I’ll change my spell up a bit so Mabel will be able to see me as well. Do we need to discuss anything else? No? Awesome. Now there’s a monster trying to breach my defenses so I must attend to that.”

Dipper blinked out of the room leaving Mabel unanswered. He can’t answer that question. For one thing they’re five and wouldn’t possibly understand. And for another Dipper really doesn’t want to. He doesn’t want to approach the subject at all.


	4. A Normal Day for the Pines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's back by popular demand! I do mean that you guys were commenting on this non-stop. 
> 
> Commenting will get you everywhere folks.
> 
> Now, on to the fic

Bill was pushed down. Dipper’s eye narrowed. This is why you don’t mix age groups at recess. The kids laughed as Bill hit his head on the padded ground. Bullies are starting earlier than Dipper remembers. Bill’s only six.

These second graders are going to get it. No one messes with Dipper’s ki- Bill. 

No one messes with Bill and get away with it.

Dipper causes a distraction and makes the kids leave before any real damage can be caused. He floats over to Bill and helps him up then gives him a check over to make sure he’s ok. The bullying is partly Dipper’s fault. 

Because no one else can see him it makes Bill the weird kid who talks to thin air like it’s a real person. Then it’s also partially Bill’s fault for refusing to quit talking to him out loud in front of people he knows can’t see or hear what he’s talking to when he has the option of replying mentally.

“You ok Bill?”  
“I’m fine. Can’t you, like, disintegrate them or something when they bother me?”  
“Yes, but that would cause unwanted attention. Also, I don’t harm children.”  
Bill pouted.  
“So, they’re just going to get away with it?”  
“Hardly. I’m going to send them the worst nightmares I can create every time they pick on you.”  
“What good would that do? They’re too stupid to make the connection.”  
“Oh, don’t worry. They’ll make the connection. I’ll make sure of it. I’m not the master of the mind for nothing.”  
“But you said you didn’t harm children.”  
Dipper paused for a long moment.

“I don’t… but night terrors are extremely fun. For me. And it’s not like I’m completely breaking their minds or anything. I haven’t broken anyone mentally in quite a while, actually. So, I’m not hurting these kids per se, I’m just… giving them a good scare is all. Yeah. That. Now come on, it looks like everyone is heading in.”

Bill rolled his eyes at Dipper’s excuses then went over to the gaggle of children at the gate and followed his teacher inside with the rest. Things would be easier for him if Mabel was in his class like she was when Dipper was in first grade. They always work better as a team.

Dipper followed Bill back inside. Then once back in class the teacher started going over the words for Friday’s vocabulary test. Bill put his head down in boredom. He knows this stuff, if fact, he was using words more far more complicated than these when he was four. 

By this point he’s at least at a second if not third grade level or beyond in many areas. Of course, he’s only at that level because he’s constantly being subjected to the infinite source of information that is Dipper Pines.

He has the potential to skip grades in the future but that won’t happen because he doesn’t apply himself to subjects that don’t interest him and thus will do poorly in those areas. Dipper predicts that’s going to end up being a serious roadblock in the future. 

He’ll have to figure out a way to work past it but Bill’s doing fine for the moment so they can tackle that later. While everyone is distracted Dipper floats just above Bill and works on combing through the minds of the boys who were picking on Bill at recess.

He doesn’t stop until he had collected enough dirt on them to make many customized nightmares so bad they’ll refuse to sleep again for a week. Dipper takes his job very seriously and absolutely _nothing_ harms Bill and gets away with it. 

…

Ok, he may be getting a _little_ attached to Bill. Only a little.

Bill got scolded for not paying attention in class. When school finally ended Bill and Dipper met with Mabel out front to catch the bus. He had home work that Dipper was sure he’d end having to force him to do as usual.

“Hi Bill, hi Dipper. How was your day?”  
“Boring.”  
“Uneventful. You should show that picture you drew today to your mom. She’ll like it a lot.”  
“Dipper, please don’t do that. It’s still freaks me out that you know everything I did today even though you only stayed with Bill.”  
“Sorry. I can’t really help it.”

The three of them got on the bus. Bill and Mabel sat together and Dipper perched on the back of the seat. The kids talked to each other the whole ride while Dipper started making the first set of nightmares to be sent out later.

The rest of the day went just fine. Mabel did show her mom her unicorn picture she drew today like Dipper said she should and her mom loved it like Dipper said she would. It ended up on the refrigerator. Dipper chose to avoid looking at it lest he scoff.

It wasn’t that the picture was bad, it was quite good for a first grader, it’s just unicorns are jerks and Dipper does not like them. Mr. and Ms. Pines were still unaware of both his existence and the fact that he’s the only reason Bill’s still alive.

At this point word has gotten around to the monsters that are after Bill that Dipper Pines is on the job protecting him. Dipper’s managed to get a reputation over the trillion or so years he’s been alive as one not to be messed with. 

He’s known as a more merciful version of demon!Bill as he is of equal if not more strength. It’s not a title Dipper is not fond of and those who know of him fear him.

So now only the bravest, strongest, and stupidest monsters go after human!Bill directly. So, Dipper’s job has gotten a lot easier on that front. That just means he can focus more on taking care of Bill because that kid’s a train wreck waiting to happen.

The Pines parents are doing the best they possibly can for their children and are exelent parents but Bill’s a whole level higher than what they can handle alone. Luckily Dipper’s there to pick up the slack and keep Bill alive and out of trouble. It’s not like he could leave anyway. The moment the monsters sense he’s gone they’ll swarm.

“Bill do your homework.”  
“Nah.”  
Bill continued to play his puzzle game.  
“It’s only one math sheet and a vocab unit. You’ll be done with the vocab unit in like five minutes and I’ll help you with the math if you get stuck. It’s just addition and subtraction.”  
“It’s boring.”  
“We all have to do boring things sometimes.”  
“I don’t care. I’m not doing it.”

Dipper looked at Bill playing his game on his bed. It appears Bill won’t be listening to reason. Again. Time for plan B. Again. Dipper changed into his human form and Bill immediately knew he messed up. Dipper snatched Bill’s game away and put it on the night stand before scooping up Bill.

“Hey!”  
Bill struggled but Dipper had a good hold of him.  
“Homework time. Now.”  
“Pine tree leave me alone!”  
“School is important.”  
“It’s boring.”   
“The sooner you do it the sooner I’ll quit bothering you about it and you know I can keep this up as long as I have to.”  
“Why can’t you do it for me? You can just snap and it’ll be done.”  
“If I do it for you, you won’t learn anything which defeats the purpose of homework.”  
“I don’t wanna.”  
“Quit acting like a brat and do your homework. You need to appreciate how little you have now because it just gets harder from here.”  
Bill went limp and groaned.  
“Fine.”  
Dipper set him down and he went to his desk and started his homework. Dipper walked over and leaned against the wall next to the desk.  
“I can’t wait until I’m too big for you to pick up.”  
“Mm-hm. Tell me if you need help.”

Bill grumbled but started his homework. Vocab took him no time at all. Math took longer. It was only addition and subtraction and that wasn’t that hard but Bill had a really hard time with word problems. After about 35 minutes on homework Bill let out a whine.

“Need help?”  
“Yes. Word problems are hard.”  
“Ok let me see.”

Dipper walked over and looked at Bill’s math sheet. There were about five word problems at the end. The rest of the sheet was done and completely correct. Really, the word problems are incredibly simple when you get down to it. 

Bill’s teacher just makes her own work sheets and words them weird making them longer than necessary. It even takes Dipper a few seconds to decode what she’s saying. Once he does though he takes Bill’s pencil and writes the math problems out in the format of the rest of the worksheet.

“There, you should be able to work with that. It’ll get easier next year when you get a teacher that uses pre-made work sheets.”  
“Thanks pine tree.”

Bill took his pencil back and finished the math. Dipper smiled and ruffled Bill’s hair affectionately. Bill took the action as praise which is basically what it was. Soon after before Bill could get up from his desk his mom came in.

“Bill sweetie have you done your homework yet?”  
“I just finished.”  
“Oh, how studious. Do you want me to check it over?”  
“No, pine tree already did that.”  
“Did he now…”  
“Yep. He helped me with the word problems too.”  
“Ok.”

Ms. Pines looked at Bill’s math sheet over his shoulder. Everything was correct. The equations next to the word problems were definitely in someone else’s hand writing though the solutions were in Bill’s. That’s weird but Ms. Pines decided not to question it. She’s learned not to question a lot of things.

“Well if you’re done with your homework you can play but come to the living room to spend time with us.”  
“Yes mama.”

Ms. Pines left and Bill went and grabbed his game from where Dipper left it on the night stand then went down stairs to play it in the living room. Dipper turned back into his pine tree form and followed him down.

Mabel was down there too. She was watching a movie. Oh, Dipper knows this movie. Dream Boy High. Yeash. Dipper made sure Bill was settled with his game then floated over to Mabel. She didn’t look away from the screen.

“Did you finish your homework?”  
“Mm-hm.”  
“Did you really finish your homework?”  
“Mostly.”  
“Do you want me to help you with it before bed?”  
Mabel did turn her head to look at Dipper briefly.  
“Uh-huh. You explain better than dad.”  
“Ok. Remember if you need help all you must do is ask me. I’m here for Bill but I’m more than happy to help you too.”  
“Thanks.”  
“Mabel sweetie who are you talking too?”  
Ms. Pines asked.  
“Dipper.”

Mabel said without looking away from the TV. Ms. Pines frowned. From her perspective now both her children have imaginary friends they talk to like real people. She understands imaginary friends but it’s like her children actually think someone’s there. Well, at least Bill does. It wouldn’t be a first for Mabel to just be copying her brother or vice versa.

“And where is Dipper?”  
Mabel pointed at Dipper and accidentally poked him in the eye.  
“Ow!”  
Mabel pulled her arm back real fast and looked at Dipper with concern.   
“I’m sorry Dipper, I didn’t mean to poke you in the eye.”  
“Mabel don’t hurt pine tree.”  
Bill scolded his sister.  
“It’s alright. It’s alright. I’m regenerative. Mabel, you need to clip your nails though.”

Ms. Pines realized from the exchange that Bill and Mabel’s “imaginary friends” are the same “person” they just call the friend different things. This just keeps getting stranger. However, she doesn’t catch them talking to “thin air” that often so she doesn’t feel like she should be too worried. They’ll probably grow out of it. If it doesn’t stop soon though she’s doing something about it.

“Dipper, what’s regenerative mean?”  
“I can heal myself and replace body parts. Example: If I get a cut it’ll heal immediately and if my eye gets pulled out I can, for lack of a better term, grow a new one.”   
“Ew.”  
“Don’t worry, it’s almost instantaneous for me. You won’t be subjected to anything gross.”  
“Oh ok.”

Before Mabel went to bed Dipper helped her with her homework. Once Bill was asleep Dipper sent out his nightmare to those boys that were bullying him. Dipper’s not proud of the pleasure he takes from sending people dreams so horrible they’ll refuse to sleep until their body forcefully makes them shut down.

However, he has accepted that this pleasure derived from causing terror and havoc is a part of him. He’s a demon so there’s no way to avoid it. As a human, he could not have found the destruction of someone’s mind entertaining but man is it fun now. 

As a good person, he keeps the side of him that wants to toy with humanity and shape it in his image, destroying thousands, enslaving millions, in check. He’s not going to let his more demonic side get what it wants. Him getting a little out of hand is why several big empires fell. 

He cleaned it up to make it look like they fell for other reasons though. It’d be super inconvenient if he left too much evidence and demonology became a legit science. Exorcists are a problem as is. He doesn’t need more of them around.

The next day at school the boys that had been bullying Bill turned tail and ran on sight. Bill had no complaints. Dipper on the other hand had an “I told you so”. He knew it’d work and he got some pride from how good of job he clearly did.


	5. There's Always Someone Out There Who Wants You Dead

Ms. Pines made snacks for when her kids got home from school. They were in second grade now and doing pretty well. They had average grades but made nothing bellow a c. It makes sense for Mabel. She’s smart but not exactly good at the academic book learning. 

Then there’s Bill. Her son is incredibly smart, no doubt capable of consistent straight A’s, but he won’t apply himself to things that don’t interest him and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. The resulting grades are a string of low c’s only held up by straight A homework.

She doesn’t know what to do about him.

She heard the door open and close signaling the twins were home. Ms. Pines grabbed the peanut butter crackers and cool-aid she got for the kids and met her children in the living room. Bill had a new book with him. He goes through them quickly.

“Hey, how was your day?”  
“It was great!”  
Mabel cheered and accepted her snack.  
“Bill, what about you?”  
“It was boring. Oh and Ms. Hanley wants you to come for a parent teacher meeting tomorrow.”  
“What did you do this time?”

Parent teacher meetings for Bill aren’t a rare occurrence. Last time it was with the principal because Bill had set up some elaborate pranks that ended with two staff members and a hallway covered in yellow paint. He was suspended for 3 days. 

Dipper had only allowed the mischief because Bill made a deal with him. If Dipper let him do it (and would help a little) he’d do all his work and be on his best behavior for three weeks. Since he knows Dipper won’t harm him, Bill’s found making deals are a great way to get what he wants. For a price, of course.

Bill opened his book and took out an already opened envelope then handed it to his mother.

“Bill, why is this open when ‘Bill don’t open this’ is clearly written on the front?”  
“I was curious.”  
Bill said off handedly through a mouthful of peanut butter crackers. Ms. Pines sighed. Bill gets into everything.  
“Alright. Go on you two. I’m going to read this.”

The kids ran off and Ms. Pines read the note. It didn't say much, just that Bill’s teacher wanted to see her alone and that she had some concerns. Concerns about what Ms. Pines wasn’t sure of but she had a mental list of things Bill could have possibly done in her mind already.

The note its self didn’t worry her it was how vague it was. She quietly fretted about it until the next day after school. The kids went home as usual and her husband went home early to meet them at the house so Ms. Pines could have a private meeting with the teacher.

She entered and found the teacher at her desk, a chair already sitting in front of it. The teacher noticed her.

“Ms. Pines I presume?”  
“Yes, call me Linda.”  
“Please have a seat.”  
Ms. Pines sat.  
“So, what did Bill do this time?”  
“Oh, he’s not in trouble this time.”  
“Really?”  
Ms. Pines said a little disbelievingly.  
“Yes, I’m simply concerned about him. Have you noticed him talking to things only he can see?”  
“Oh, that. I’ve been getting more concerned about that.”  
Ms. Hanley nodded.

“I know you probably think he just has imaginary friends but most children don’t claim they’re real people. I leave this up to you but Bill and his invisible friend disrupt class by arguing every week or so and I’m getting worried about him. It’s not good to see and hear things that aren’t there.”

“You’re right. I need to do something about this sooner than later. I just don’t know where to start.”  
“I know somebody who can help. They’ll talk to Bill and tell you what to do from there.”  
“Like a clinical therapist?”

Ms. Hanley paused and seemed to be mulling over what she wanted to say, eyes shifting around the room but never at Ms. Pines. She pulled the pendant of her necklace out from beneath her shirt collar and started fiddling with it but Ms. Pines could not tell what it looked like. Finally, Ms. Hanley looked back and smiled.

“Yes, like a clinical therapist just with extra qualifications. They’ll be able to fix your son or get you to someone who can.”  
Ms. Hanley handed Ms. Pines a black card with gold writing. It said Francine Penry then gave an address and phone number plus some work hours.  
“Oh. Alrighty then. I’ll… call later then.”  
“Good, good. That’s all I wanted to talk about. Thank you for coming in, please have a nice day.”  
“Alright. Thank you.”

After Ms. Pines left Ms. Hanley let go of her necklace pendent. 

It was a pentagram.

Ms. Pines felt a little odd about the meeting. Ms. Hanley was always a little strange but she was getting a weird feeling about this encounter. She was going to do some research before she called the person on the card.

She did her research and this appeared to be a well recommended person with a friendly atmosphere and lots of good reviews. Maybe she was over reacting before. The next day she got Bill an appointment with them after school the next Friday.

Bill complained profusely about it before Dipper told him if he can make a professional say there’s nothing wrong with him then all this misplaced concern and nonsense will stop. Dipper knows he’ll have to tell Bill what to say.

On the day, Ms. Pines took Bill to the appointment. The building was brick and unimposing. At least on the outside. Dipper smacked into an invisible force blocking him from coming inside when he tried to float through the doorway after Bill.

“Shit!”

Dipper’s been putting less and less effort into hiding curse words as time goes on. He’s never claimed to be the best person to be raising a child. Bill spun on his heels and looked at Dipper rubbing his not face still on the outside threshold.

“Pine tree, what’s wrong?”  
“Can’t get in. Something in there is stopping me. Looks like you’re on your own in there. I’ll stay out here and protect the building.”  
“But-”  
“You can do it. I believe in you.”

Ms. Pines closed the door in Dipper’s not face without looking since her son was going to talk to thin air instead of doing so himself. Bill looked around. There were weird smelling incense burning around the room. The rug had weird symbols on it. Some Bill recognized from Dipper’s lessons on demonology.

There was a wind chime in the room too. The long thing in the middle that would clink against the chimes had a pine tree with an eye in it hanging from the bottom. It looked like Dipper. Bill immediately wanted it and, being the little shit he is, was already planning on stealing it.

They didn’t have to wait long before a woman in her mid-fifties came out. She was in a friendly looking dress. Everything about her said friendly. Bill observed her talk to his mom briefly before going back to figuring out how to steal the wind chime.

“Is this your son?”  
“Yes, this is Bill.”  
“He likes my wind chime.”  
“Yeah. I’ll do my best to make sure he doesn’t steal it.”  
“Trouble maker?”  
“You have no idea.”  
“Well, I’d like to talk to him alone if that’s alright. Children tend to answer differently when their parents are around.”  
“Yes that’s fine. Bill,”  
Bill looked over again.  
“Yeah?”  
“This is Ms. Penry. She’s going to talk to you, alright?”  
“Kay.”

Ms. Penry took Bill into her office. It had the same rug as the other room. Ms. Penry took a chair while Bill decided to sprawl across the entire loveseat. This room had incense burning in it too. There was another wind chime. If Bill looked closely there were a lot of pine tree things in here.

“So, you’re name is Bill Pines, correct?”  
Ms. Penry’s voice was nice and friendly.  
“Is now. Originally I was supposed to be Bill Cipher.”  
“Really now.”  
“Yeah, I’m adopted.”  
“I think it’s good your parents have told you about that so far as to give you your original last name.”  
“No that’s not what happened.”  
“Then how do you know?”

“I look nothing like my family. I’m blond, which no one else is, and even have a different darker skin tone and blue eyes. No one else in my family has blue eyes and blue eyes are a recessive trait. The likelihood of me getting blue eyes in a family with no blue eyes is very unlikely. I’m not stupid. So, it’s just kinda been an understood thing. I bare no resentment to my current parents and my old ones can suck it.”

“Then how do you know your old last name if you’ve not had this discussion with your parents?”  
“Oh, pine tree told me. He only calls me Bill Cipher when he’s mad at me though.”  
Ms. Penry say forward just a little.  
“Who’s pine tree?”  
“My guardian.”  
“You call one of your parents pine tree?”

“No. He’s not my parent. Ok, he sort of is at this point but he’s still also kinda not. Like he makes me do my homework, and pay attention in class, and he protects me but he’s also my friend. He drives joy from giving anyone who bullies me night terrors. He doesn’t like to admit it but I know he does. Also, when he gets too snarky he can be kind of an ass.”

“Is pine tree the invisible person you’ve been talking too?”  
“Yeah but he’s only invisible to everyone but me and my sister.”  
“Why do you call him pine tree?”  
“Because he looks like a blue pine tree with one eye. Well, usually. Occationally he looks human. He’s always with me.”  
Ms. Penry suddenly looked very interested.  
“Is he here now?”  
“Well, not exactly. He couldn’t get in for some reason so he’s protecting the building from the outside. Patrolling the borer and such.”  
“Protecting?”  
“Things are out for my head and he has to be near me or I will die. He hasn’t really explained beyond that.”  
“Is pine tree his real name?”  
“No. He prefers being called Dipper which is what my sister refers to him as. I’ve been calling him pine tree since forever and I don’t plan on changing. He was annoyed at first but I think he’s gotten used to it.”  
“It seems like you get a lot of information from him. I haven’t met a seven-year-old who knew about recessive traits before or one with such a vocabulary.”  
“Yeah, he tells me whatever I want to know and likes teaching me things. He uses lots of big words too so I pick up on things.”  
“What does he know?”  
“Everything there is to know about everything. He’s got infinite knowledge.”  
“The human brain cannot hold infinite knowledge.”  
“Well he’s not human, so…”

Ms. Penry sat back and looked at Bill a moment. She glanced at the clock. They’d been here 30 minutes. She looked back at Bill. Her gaze was making him uncomfortable and he really wished Dipper could be here to help him.

“Bill, I’m going to show you something and you’re going to answer truthfully, got it? This is very serious.”  
“Um, alright.”

Ms. Penry got up and pulled a big old looking book from her bookshelf. It had a pentagram on the cover. She flipped through it until she found the page she was looking for. She sat in her chair again and showed the pages to Bill. 

On one side, there seemed to be a summoning circle with a pine tree in the middle. Bill committed it to memory. On the other page, there appeared to be instructions. Bill wasn’t quite sure what this woman wanted by showing him this.

“Have you seen this before?”  
“No.”  
“Don’t lie.”  
“I’m not. I’ve never seen that before.”  
“So you didn’t summon pine tree?”  
“No he came to me when I was three. Why?”  
“Don’t panic, but I think we’re dealing with a demon.”  
Bill gave her a completely done look.  
“No duh. He’s my demonic guardian.”  
“He told you he was a demon?”  
“Yeah. He hides the fact that he’s a demon as much as he hides his cursing, and by that, I mean he doesn’t.”  
“Have you made any deals with him?”  
“I make deals with him all the time. Nothing big though.”  
“I suppose that’s one way to keep him satisfied.”  
“I mean, I guess. He does seem to like making deals but I’ve always initiated.”  
“You seem close to him.”  
“It’s kinda hard not to be when he’s always there and always talking to me and always taking care of me. I don’t know if he feels the same but I like to think of him as one of my best friends.”  
Ms. Penry close the book and nodded solemnly.  
“Alright. I would like a private chat with your mother now. Will you send her in?”  
“Sure.”

Bill got up and left the room. He told his mom to go in and he sat in the chair she’d previously been in. After a second of sitting alone there was an insistent tapping on the window. Bill looked to see Dipper pointing towards the front door.

Bill nodded then went and opened the front door. Dipper still couldn’t get in so Bill sat cross legged on the outside threshold of the doorway but left the door open so his mom could still see him if she came back out. Dipper floated in front of Bill, still in his pine tree form like usual.

“Ok, spill. What happened in there?”  
Dipper asked.  
“Um, we talked about my name and me being adopted then we talked about you a lot.”  
“Bill, we were supposed to make them realize nothing is wrong with you and by extension make everyone think their over reacting.”  
“Well she knows nothing’s wrong with me.”  
“Oh?”

“Yeah. She believed me that you were real. She had this big book with a pentagram on it and showed me a summoning circle that was in the book. I think it was a summoning circle anyway. It looked like the one you showed me in our demonology lesson but it had a pine tree in it.”

Dipper groaned in exasperation and pinched the air under his eye where his nose would be if he had a face.  
“Ok, so she’s part of _that_ circle. This is the worst out come.”  
“Did I do bad?”

“No, no. There is no way this could have turned out much differently. Not if we’re dealing with one of _them_ parading around as a psychiatrist. They would have gotten it out of you someway or another. You had no control over this.”

“Is it going to be ok?”  
“I know what comes next and this _will_ be a mess, however, not one I can’t clean up with a little, shall we say, persuasion.”  
“Ooh, who you going to fuck up in the head?”  
“It’s probably going to get worse than that kid. Also, I know I can’t stop you from copying my curses but at least don’t do it around your parents or at school.”  
“Alright. Hey pine tree, I really like that wind chime. Can I steal it?”  
Dipper looked up at the wind chime in the building.  
“Yeah, sure. I’ll even hold it so we can get it back to the house without your mother noticing.”  
Bill pumped both his fists up in victory.  
“Yes! I love it when you participate in shenanigans with me.”  
“Hey it’s fun sometimes. That paint thing I helped you pull at the school? That was genius.”  
Bill grinned real big then got up and went inside. He snatched the wind chime then quickly went back out and gave it to Dipper. He took it and examined it.  
“Aw it’s cute. It’s made from that metal that’s supposed to ward off demons but doesn’t actually work. Even anti-demon cults fall for false advertising. It’s not even a real wind chime. It’s a little mobile of my wheel minus the motion.”  
“You’re wheel?”  
“Yeah. It’s a wheel of symbols that represent people. If they came together would hold some type of power. These ones hold some type of connection to me.”  
Dipper looked at it some more then poked one of the hanging symbols.  
“This one’s you. The triangle.”  
“I’m on your wheel?”  
“You’re my charge, of course your on my wheel. So is Mabel. See? She’s the shooting star.”  
Dipper poked at the hanging shooting star symbol.  
“Anybody else I know on there?”  
“Not yet.”  
“What does that mean?”

Dipper encased the decorative pine tree wheel in a blue bubble then sent it to the void for now. He’ll get it out again later. Honestly the void is probably full of junk now because mainly uses it for storage at this point. He spoke to Bill a little more then looked up when he heard noise. 

He made eye to eyes contact with Ms. Pines. By her face, he knew there was some magic going on in that building that allowed her to see him. He told Bill he’d see him at home, ruffled his hair, then teleported into the void. 

Man, it was a mess. There were things he took from Bill, things he’s made to give to Bill, things like what he just sent here that he’s holding for Bill. He used magic to organize it better. Once that was done he took a few minutes to revitalize his powers and body and appeared back in the Pines house. 

Bill was in his room and very relieved to see him. Dipper turned human form and hugged the kid. Bill likes Dipper’s hugs because they feel so much fuller than other people’s hugs. When Dipper hugs him he gets pressed tightly up to and into Dipper. 

Dipper hugs with his whole body. He’s had trillions of years to get hugging down and as far as Bill is concerned, the demon has figured out how to do it right. Dipper rubbed Bill’s back when he wouldn’t un-burrow from him.

“Hey, bud, it’s alright. I’m back.”  
“You took a while and the necklace you gave me with back up protection started to dim a little.”  
“Show me and I’ll fix it.”

Bill took his necklace off to show Dipper. It was a simple string with a triangular pendent. The pendent radiated soft blue light. Dipper put his hands on the triangle and put more power into it so it glowed more brightly. 

He gave it to Bill about a year ago so if they were ever separated Bill would be safe long enough for Dipper to find him. It’s not fool proof but it’s something and should last a good few hours. Bill put it back around his neck.

“Anything else happen while I was gone?”  
“I heard mama say she was going to call someone to get rid of you.”  
“Hmm. I figured as much.”  
“I don’t want you to go away forever! You’re my friend.”  
“I thought I was your parent.”

“Honestly, you’re more of an older brother than anything else. One who’s trying to be responsible but only takes some aspects seriously and still wants to have fun. Like you make me do my homework and stuff but you curse around me all the time and aren’t opposed to doing pranks with me that that literally paint the halls yellow.”

Dipper chuckled.   
“I can get behind that. Your still my kid though.”  
Bill smiled.  
“Really? You’ve never called me that before.”  
“Heh, yeah, it’s been a battle but… I’ve come to accept it. You’re my kid whether either of us like it or not.”  
“So, you aren’t going to let mama send you away forever?”  
“Not a chance. Since they know the demon who’s supposedly terrorizing you is me, I know who was recommended to her and let’s just say that I’ve dealt with him before and we have a bit of a deal going.”  
Bill relaxed completely at that.  
“Ok, then you can handle it?”  
“Absolutely.”

-

Bill was reading on the sofa when the man came in. His parents let him in willingly. They were ready for this problem to be solved. Dipper hadn’t been hiding himself from them since Bill met with Ms. Penry so him being invisible to them again would be more prominent. 

It’s safe to say the two adults were ready for this floating one-eyed pine tree to be gone from their lives. Especially since Dipper likes to commentate in a spooky echo-y voice that seems to come from everywhere and nowhere all at once. 

It’s not Dipper’s usual voice but the faces Mr. and Ms. Pines make when he uses it cracks Bill up so he keeps doing it. Mabel’s annoyed with the boys’ shenanigans at this point. Dipper’s great but he’s definitely more for Bill than her.

The man talked to the parents briefly. He had a case with him. Ms. Pines explained that she an Mr. Pines would be in the kitchen and not to worry, just answer any questions the man had. Bill rolled his eyes and went back to his book. Mabel was taken to the kitchen. The man approached Bill. He was old with grey hair and a long mustache.

“Hello son. I hear you’ve been having trouble with some supernatural stuff.”  
“Not really. It’s everyone else who has the problem.”  
“I see. Where’s your demon?”  
Bill looked at the ceiling.  
“Pine tree your wanted.”  
In a small flash, Dipper appeared in his tree form next to Bill.  
“Do you need something Bill?”  
Bill looked at him and pointed at the man. Dipper looked at the man.  
“Oh. You. I thought we had a deal Ringo? Why are you bothering me?”  
By his reaction the man, Ringo, was not expecting the demon to be Dipper.  
“I cannot allow you to prey on a child.”  
His voice shook just the slightest bit. He brought nothing that would work on a demon as powerful as Dipper.  
“I’m not preying on him. In fact,”  
Dipper switched to human form so he was sitting on the sofa and the entire room went grey scale. Bill was reading and didn’t notice but he did feel Dipper put his arm around him. Blue flames lit in a circle around Ringo.  
“This here is my kid. This Bill Cipher is mine. I’m his guardian. He was given to me and you will leave us alone.”  
“Demon, leave the child be!”  
“No!”

Dipper’s eyes changed from normal to all black with the only color being blue slits for pupils. The flames spread from the circle around Ringo crawling over everything. The eyes of the people in the photos on the wall started to bleed. 

Bill pressed against Dipper’s side trying not to look like he was hiding behind his book as his living room became more twisted and scary. Bill closed his eyes when the ataman came to life. It had a mouth full of jagged daggers for teeth and dripped blood. It proceeded to nip at Ringo’s ankles. 

Dipper had warned Bill this might not be the most pleasant thing to watch and he was right. It’ll be over soon.

“The child is mine. I’m not harming him, I’m protecting him.”  
“Why would you protect him?”  
“Axolotl assigned me to protect him and I will be doing my job.”   
“Axolotl? The Axolotl?”  
“Yes. The big frilly know it all himself. Bill Cipher was the last person I ever wanted to be assigned to protect,”  
Bill shrunk a little at that comment.  
“But after spending every day with him I can safely say, I love this kid and I’m going to destroy anything that tries to hurt him. And since taking me away will hurt him that includes you.”

Bill spared a glance at Dipper. His skin had cracks on it that leaked black wisps and his eyes had inky drips coming from them. It wasn’t tears but more like he was wearing mascara and got it wet. Dipper’s arm was tight around him and he felt reassured. He pressed up against the demon again but this time lovingly. Dipper’s got this covered.

“However, I’m willing to make a deal.”  
“What kind of deal?”  
Ringo asked hesitantly but was actually very eager to get out of here as soon as possible.

“It’s simple really. You leave me and the boy alone from now on, I hide myself again and you tell Eric and Linda you took care of things. In return we’ll put in deal form that my protection is pure and I’m not hurting or using Bill for nefarious purposes. That way your conscience is at ease.”

Ringo hesitated just for a moment before offering his hand.  
“Deal.”  
“Good choice. Bill, this means we can’t talk out loud if adults of influence are watching.”  
“Shit. Fine, if I have to.”

Dipper took Ringo’s hand and it was engulfed in blue flames while they shook on it. Once it was done they let go and the room regained color. Bill looked around and everything looked like it hadn’t been touched. Dipper was gone again. Ringo looked at Bill.

“Be careful kid. Mason may say he’s good but he will still do bad things if you let him.”  
“Mason?”

“Yeah. That’s the name your demon uses when he wants something from ya. I wouldn’t bring it up. If his relation to you is as he says I doubt he’ll answer to Mason if you’re saying it. Just be careful. I don't think you're aware how powerful Mason really is. He's been responsible for some pretty awful things over the corse of history. So be careful not to cross him. He's not one to be messed with.”

Ringo left then to tell the parents everything was ok now leaving Bill a little bit confused and slightly worried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to edit the exorcist scene because I had originally made it too graphic for a G rating. Oops.


	6. Brain Games

Bill fell face first on his bed. He brought home his first F today and man did he get an earful. School’s just so boring though. Fourth grade is stupid. Dipper’s frustrated about his grades as well but at least the demon knows yelling at him won’t work.

“Bill, we need to talk about your grades.”

Bill groaned and rolled on to his back to glare up at Dipper who was standing over his bed in human form.

“Why? They’re stupid.”  
“They aren’t stupid. They’re important.”  
“Well I think they’re stupid.”  
“I know you think school is boring but you need to apply yourself anyway.”  
“No.”  
Dipper pinched the bridge of his nose, exasperated with his kid.  
“What if… I don’t know? I find a way to make it fun?”  
Bill sat up on his elbows, trying not to look interested even though he was.

“I don’t know how you’re going to manage that. I’m already grounded for failing math and getting D’s in history and English. The only thing I’m moderately good at is science, which I’m managing a C in, and vocabulary, which is my only A.”

“I know and it’s a shame because you’re very smart if you’d just apply yourself but you can’t get by on pure brains or talent no matter what you’re doing. I’ve been trying to make you realize that ever since you started school. Nothing is going to be easy forever. You have to work at it. You used to love learning. If you’re willing to work I know you can love learning again.”

“Nice speech there.”  
“Bill…”  
“Yeah, yeah. So, do you have any idea how to make this fun for me?”  
“No, but I’ll think of something.”  
“You do that.”

Bill laid down again. Dipper looked at him a moment then blipped out of existence. It took all weekend before Dipper came up with an idea. A good idea. An idea that might be the best idea he’s ever had and all it took was seeing Ms. Pines take Bill’s latest puzzle game from him because he grounded. Dipper appeared in Bill’s room startling the sulking nine-year-old.

“Bill!”  
Bill jumped and quickly turned to face pine tree Dipper.   
“You scared the shit out of me, pine tree.”  
“That doesn’t matter right now because I thought of how to make this fun for you.”  
“You have?”  
“Yeah and it’s going to be great.”  
“Well you do seem excited about it.”   
If Dipper had a face as a pine tree he’d be grinning right now.  
“I am there’s just one thing we need to do be I can get started.”  
“And that is?”  
“You need to let me into your mind.”

Bill looked at Dipper but didn’t say anything. That… they’ve made deals before but dipper’s never been given direct access to his mind. Dipper’s never been in his head. He’s had enough demonology lessons to know giving a demon direct access to any part of you is a red flag. 

Don’t get him wrong, he trusts Dipper completely, but there is a line of what he’s comfortable with. Sensing Bill’s discomfort, Dipper changed to human form and gave Bill an understanding look. He sat next to Bill on the bed and put his arm around the child.

“It’s ok, Bill. I understand if you don’t want to. Trust me, I know how it is. If you tell me no I won’t push or bring it up again. I would never force or trick you into this. If you don’t want me in your head I won’t go in your head.”

Bill leaned into Dipper, comforted.  
“If, say, I were to agree… what would you be doing in my head.”

“Well I wanted it to be a surprise but I’ll give you the gist of it. I’m going to get to that imagination of yours then I’m going to change up your mindscape a bit. It won’t damage you or change you at all because it’ll be built on imagination which will make what I’m creating like an interactive hologram.”

“Well, what are you creating?”  
“Only the best apocalyptic puzzle game you’ll ever experience.”  
Bill’s eyes widened.  
“Really? It’s going to be a puzzle game?!”  
“Well, those are the one thing you never get bored with and I’ve already figured out how to work it so it’ll be fun but you’ll learn as you go. So yes, it’ll be a puzzle game.”  
Bill was excited then something seemed to occur to him.  
“Wait. If you’re in my head, how are you going to protect me?”  
“If I’m in your head my energy signal will overpower yours and will be given off by you so the monster shouldn’t even be able to sense you.”

If worse comes to worse he can always take control of Bill’s body and fight the creatures off. Of course, doing that would end in war flashbacks of the Bipper incident, a freak out that he’s becoming like demon Bill plus the work down that he not, and maybe a panic attack. It’d be worth it if it protected kid Bill but it’d still suck for Dipper afterwards. Trauma is awful.

“Ok. I think… I think I’d be ok but I want the ability to kick you out if I need to.”  
Bill said. Dipper smiled and ruffled his hair.   
“Sure buddy.”

Bill doesn’t hold enough power for that to be an option unless he wants to physically knock himself out cold. However, Dipper can make it so he’ll know if Bill wants him out then he’ll leave Bill’s head when asked. There shouldn’t be a problem.

“Ok. Then let’s make a deal.”  
“Alright. You may feel a little weird when I’m in your head and I will hear every single one of your thoughts but don’t fight the feeling. I’m not going to hurt you and I’ll try not to snoop.”  
“You better not snoop.”  
“What? You think I’m going to find out you have a crush on someone?”  
Bill made a face.  
“Ew, no!”  
Dipper chuckled and held out his hand.  
“Deal?”  
“Deal.”

They shook hands and blue fire engulfed the handshake. Dipper’s eyes flashed black for a millisecond then they let go. Bill looked at his hand.

“Why do you always have the magic-y fire when we make deals?”

“The fire makes it an official demon contract. That means If I break my end things are restored to how they were before the deal. However, if you break your end I get whatever I promised you back and can take away everything up to and including your soul as well.”

Bill looked a little horrified that he’d been making deals for two or three years now and hadn’t bothered to get the details on the consequences. Dipper was clearly amused by this and actually laughed a little. He ruffled Bill’s hair again.

“Don’t worry kid. I’m your guardian. I’m not going to eat your soul or reek punishment on you. I may not have a real heart but I do care about you and I’d never hurt you. You know this.”  
Bill pause only for a few seconds before he hugged Dipper.  
“I know. I love you pine tree.”  
“You’re pretty great too. Now, you gonna let me in that noggin of yours or what?”  
“Yeah, yeah. Go on.”  
“Alright, just know it’s going to feel weird.”

Dipper put both hands on the side of Bill’s head then touched their foreheads together. In less than a moment Dipper was gone. Bill started to look around the room but his head suddenly felt tight and heavy so he decided it was best to stay seated.

_“Your head is a mess. How do you concentrate on anything?”_

“Pine tree?”

_“Yeah?”_

“You’re in my head.”

_“I am._

“It’s messy?”

_“Ungodly but I suppose you can’t spend a century and go in and organize your mind yourself like I can mine. I fear what your sister’s head looks like.”_

“What should I do?”

_“Lay down until you adjust to the feeling in your head then do something calming but don’t sleep. I need you fully operational.”_

“Right. Good plan.”

Bill lay down on his bed. After a second he put his special pine tree pillow under his head. It’s a little worn now, the blue has faded a bit from being washed many times, but it’s as fluffy and soft as ever. Bill’s not much for stuffed animals but he loves his pillow. Eventually the pressure in his head equalized and he sat up cautiously. He picked up his pillow and hugged it.

“Pine tree, have I ever thanked you for this pine tree pillow?”  
 _“No, but that’s ok.”_  
“Thank you for the pillow.”  
 _“Uh, your welcome. It served its purpose so I’m glad you like it so much.”_  
“You didn’t just give me it because you liked me?”

_“Nope. Little toddler you would cry if I wasn’t close enough to grab at night. So, I made the pillow which you thankfully accepted as an adequate substitute. Your parents weren’t pleased none of the toys they’d give you could out shine a pillow that randomly appeared in your crib though.”_

Bill laughed at little.  
“I was causing trouble since the beginning.”  
 _“You have no idea, kid. Have I ever told you about all the times you tried to purposely electrocute yourself as a small child?”_  
“I must have been a pain.”  
 _“Oh, you’re still a pain but now you’re my pain.”_  
“The only pain you love?”  
 _“Yeah, but don’t let it go to your head.”_

Bill stayed in his room and quietly amused himself. There was not much he could do because he was grounded and Dipper said he can’t sleep but he managed. He could hear all of Dipper’s grumbling clearly in his head since thought has no volume. 

Occasionally Dipper would reply to one of Bill’s thoughts, like agreeing he needs a haircut since right now it was a shaggy mess. Dipper warned that if it got too long Mabel would start doing his hair and unless Bill liked sparkly hair barrettes that’s not an ending he wants.

Bill took this advice to heart.

At dinner Bill got weird looks because he could feel Dipper in his head and it sometimes caused weird reactions. Mabel thought it was funny when Bill spilt his milk mixed with strawberry and chocolate quick on his lap. That one wasn’t Dipper’s fault though. Bill got an idea half way through dinner.

“Hey mama, hey mama.”  
“Yes Bill?”  
“Can I get my ears pierced?”  
“No.”  
“You let Mabel.”  
“I said no.”  
“If I get my grades up can I get my ears pierced?”  
Ms. Pines paused and looked at her husband in silent communication. They seemed to come to an agreement and looked back at Bill.  
“Only if you make all A’s.”  
“Deal!”

Bill heard Dipper groan in exasperation in his head. Dipper stayed in his head so long Mabel started questioning where he’d gone. Dipper came out a few times over the week and at night so Bill could sleep. Finally, by the next weekend Dipper was done. He appeared in Bill’s room startling the kid with both his sudden presence and the lack of pressure in the head.

“Ok you ready?”  
Dipper asked. He had kept human form. Bill looked at him a moment.  
“Sure, um, how do I do it?”  
“Sleep. It can just be a doze.”  
“I’m not tired.”  
“I can fix that. I’ll meet you in, ok?”

Dipper snapped and Bill passed out then he followed Bill into the world he created.

Bill stared around him with wide eyes. He was on the edge of a town but the place was empty. Some of the buildings were damaged. The sky was a strange orange and there was a giant x shaped tear in the sky with swirling rainbow colors. Under the tear floated a giant dark pyramid.

“So, Bill, how you like it?”  
Bill jumped and spun to look at Dipper.  
“It’s really cool! What is it?”  
Bill looked super excited already. Dipper spread his arms out like he was presenting the whole thing.  
“I’d like to welcome you to Weirdmageddon!”  
Bill looked stoked.  
“Tell me the rules! I want to play!”  
Dipper chuckled and crossed his arms over his chest.  
“So excited and I haven’t even activated the obstacles yet. Ok Bill, I’ve designed this to last you through high school so don’t be discouraged if your first objective takes a while to finish.”  
“Just get on with it I want to play.”

“Alright, alright. You’re first objective is to find three journals. They are red, hardbound books, and each had a gold six fingered hand print on it and either a 1, 2, or 3. Look everywhere, dig, clime, mess with things, break things. Do whatever you have to do to find them.”

“Find the journals. Got it. Anything else?”

“We’ll go over objective two when you get there. Now we have other mechanics. I mentioned obstacles earlier. This isn’t called _Weird_ mageddon for nothing. There will be weird monsters, things randomly coming to life and bubbles of pure madness among other things. Sometime avoiding will be your best option sometimes fighting will be.”

Bill lit up.  
“This is a fighting game too?”  
“Yep, but like an RPG type deal.”  
“I don’t have any weapons though.”

“Then you better go find some power ups. You can get grappling hooks and axes and more for weapons. There is also your speed, jump, and stat boosters as well. Use what you have wisely. I’ve given you three lives and a health bar. You’ll probably find more lives along the way. If you hit a puzzle you know you’re doing the right thing. The game saves automatically. I’m here if you need help or hints. Have at it.”

Bill wasted no time in starting. He was in the town and ready to loot. Once Bill was a good way in Dipper started the obstacles. Suddenly there were monsters and eye bats and madness bubbles all over the place. It gave Dipper nostalgia but not in a good way.

He kept an eye on Bill who had already solved a couple puzzles and gotten a canvas bag to hold things in. Bill looked like he was having a blast honestly. Dipper knew he would. He made it so Bill would feel like he’s living those obstacle/fighting/puzzle games he loves so much.

It’s an immersive experience and Dipper worked close enough with Bill’s imagination that Bill won’t even know the puzzles have anything to do with learning. They’re tailored to what Bill would want out of a puzzle it’s only Dipper’s influence that’s made it so the puzzles will teach Bill what he needs.

Normally a game that’s going to last as long as this one will would make Bill lose interest. That scenario is exactly why Dipper chose the platform of the mind. Bill’s in his own mind and if there’s one thing Bill’s mind is good at it is keeping Bill engaged.

The whole game is mostly controlled by Bill’s imagination, Dipper just set some guidelines to keep things together. If Bill begins to lose interest his imagination will do or change something to make it interesting again so Dipper doesn’t have to worry about Bill losing interest in this.

When Bill woke up he was drenched in sweat and breathing heavy. His body quickly regulated and he cooled off and got his breathing right. Dipper appeared next to Bill’s bed and looked at Bill with a smug grin, his arms crossed over his chest.

“So, did I do good or did I do good?”  
“You did _amazing_. How did you come up with all that _and_ build it in just a week? It’s so immersive."  
Dipper laughed a little.  
“I’ve uh, seen a lot of stuff in my time. Just took some inspiration from that is all.”  
“When I go to bed for real are we going back in?”  
“No. We’re sticking to naps until your body can regulate its self but once it can I’ll let you play all night sometimes.”  
“Yes!”  
“Now go take a shower. You’re ungodly sweaty. After that it’s homework time and I think you’ll find it a bit easier than when you last tried it.”

Bill got up and agreed about the shower part. Of course, Bill’s never been opposed to a shower or bath even at a young age and normally takes one every day. He’s a way cleaner (and better smelling) kid than Dipper ever was.

Bill worked hard. He didn’t sleep in class (mostly because Dipper wouldn’t let him into the game during school hours), he did all his homework, he even studied a little bit for tests. The game was short term reward that kept him on track and helped him learn. 

The difficulty of the game had to increase significantly because outside the game Bill was catching on to things quickly and beginning to excel. His mom stared at his straight A report card, stunned, while Bill had the biggest shit eating grin on his face. She knew he could do it she just didn’t think he’d apply himself enough _to_ do it.

“So, mama, when do you want to go to the mall to get my ears pierced? I’m ready now but you’re the one with the driver’s license.”  
Ms. Pines sighed, defeated, and looked at her son.  
“I guess I did say you could get your ears pierced if you got straight A’s. We’ll go tomorrow after your haircut that’s long overdue.”  
“Yay! Thank you, mama.”

Bill hugged his mom briefly before going to tell Mabel of his victory. Dipper rolled his eye good-naturedly and floated behind Bill. It’s nice that Bill and Mabel hold the same relationship Dipper had with his Mabel. Their bond is not a sour note for Dipper anymore.

The next day Bill got his hair cut. Dipper thinks it’s funny how if Bill’s hair is long enough it’s a shaggy mess but any shorter than that and it just sticks up everywhere, completely untamable. Honestly, Bill is unbearably adorable to look at.

After the hair cut they went to the mall and Bill got his ears pierced. It didn’t hurt that bad and Dipper made a note to make sure Bill takes good care of his ears. Bill’s ear rings were little gold rhinestone triangles. Mabel, who had insisted on coming, helped pick them out. A very fitting choice in Dipper’s opinion.

On their way home, they stopped at a gas station and the twins wanted slushies. Ms. Pines agreed. There were about 18 kinds of slushies so the kids were going to be a while. With this in mind, Dipper browsed the convenience store until something caught his eye. 

He turned human form and visible and got in line knowing exactly what he wanted and the lecture he’d give Bill about why Bill shouldn’t do what he’s doing. He finally got to the counter and was met with a board shop worker.

“Can I help you?”  
“I want six of the red packs.”  
“Hard habit to break, huh?”  
“To break a habit you have to form one first.”  
“Whatever dude.”  
The guy behind the counter pulled six packs of red boxed cigarettes from behind the counter. Dipper felt a tug on his shirt and looked down to see Bill holding a large slushy.  
“Pine tree what are you doing?”  
Before Dipper could respond, Ms. Pines rushed over and apprehended Bill.  
“I am so sorry sir! I swear I taught my son better than to bother random strangers.”  
Dipper smiled at her politely.  
“Oh, it’s alright. Kid’s will be kids. No harm done. This guy reminds me of my little brother to be honest. I’m sure you’re a fantastic mom. Sometimes kids just look for trouble.”  
“Oh, your sweet. Bill here is definitely a little trouble maker. We’ll be out of your way now.”  
“Have a nice day.”  
“You too.”

Bill was pulled to the back of the line where Mabel was. Dipper turned back to the worker behind the counter and paid. He has a wallet full of cash that never runs out. He’s a demon he can bend reality like that if he needs to.

“Here you go sir. Don’t smoke in the building or by the gas pumps.”  
“Thanks man.”

Dipper took his bag of smokes and went outside. He turned invisible again (after sending his stuff to the void) and turned back into a pine tree. It only just occurred to him that they didn’t ask for an ID or anything before selling him six packs of cigarettes.

He went home with the family and once at home excused himself to the street corner for a smoke. Man, that felt good. Good old nicotine. Dipper took another drag. He would not advise humans smoke as it’s hazardous for their health. 

He is a demon however and fully capable of controlling what affects he gets from smoking. It’s not bad for him unless he wants it to be. His body isn’t real. Dipper can even make it so he doesn’t smell of smoke. Cigarettes aren’t as good as the weed he had back in the 60’s and 70’s but it’s what he’s got.

It relieves stress and, as a demon, it’s impossible for him to get addicted to it, so why not? He’s an adult he can do as he pleases. He already knows Bill won’t see it like that though. He’s already had to deal with his grandpa Schermie dying from lung cancer because of smoking so he won’t be pleased Dipper’s smoking.

Dipper blipped back inside, invisible but in human form, to find Bill sulking on his bed. As soon as he was noticed Bill glared at him.

“What?”  
“I saw you buying cigarettes. A lot of them too. You just went out to smoke one.”  
“Yes, I did.”  
“Don’t! It’s bad!”  
“Yes. For humans. I’m a demon.”  
“I don’t care. I don’t want you to get sick and die like grandpa did.”  
“Nicotine can’t kill a demon.”  
“It’ll hurt your body.”  
“My body is a projection. It’s not real.”  
“Dipper.”  
Dipper paused and sighed. Bill doesn’t call him Dipper unless he’s really upset with him.

“Bill, I get your scared so I’m going to explain it too you alright? As a demon, I can control what effects I get from smoking. I chose to only get the calming stress relieving effect. I don’t take any of the harm or addiction or anything else. Not even the smell. This body can’t be harmed by smoking anyway because it’s not real. It’s a projection. I promise not to smoke around you but as an adult it’s my choice on whether I smoke or not. _You_ shouldn’t smoke. Smoking will hurt _you_ because you’re human. I’m not a human. It works differently for me. Do you understand?”

Bill was quiet a second. Dipper had tried to be gentle as possible.  
“I get it but what if… what if something happens?” 

“I promise I’m not going to get sick and die on you. That’s statistically impossible and you know I’d never do anything that would take me away from you. I’m in this with you for the long haul whether you like it or not. Nothing will ever make me leave you, I promise.”

Bill smiled a little.  
“Alright.”  
Dipper ruffed his hair.  
“You want to play some puzzles?”  
“Yeah!”

The whole-time Bill played Dipper floated above the playing field, thinking. He made a promise that nothing could make him leave Bill and while that’s true for almost any situation imaginable what about in the scenario where he has a chance to go home, see his family again, grow up like he was supposed to? 

What happens then?

Last time he thought about this the obvious answer was to abandon what he’s doing in this dimension and go home. That was before he had Bill though. Now things are different. Now, if he got his chance to go home, would he really be willing stay with Bill like he promised?

He doesn’t know the answer to that question and that scares him more than anything ever has in his entire immortal life.


	7. Things Go Up In Smoke

Dipper watched Bill fix his ear ring. It was a gold dangly thing with a triangle charm at the end but only on one side. The other side just had a gold stud. Bill really liked having his ears pierced and took good care of everything. 

That’s good. At 12 he’s beginning to take on more responsibility. Dipper’s pretty proud of how Bill turned out so far. He’s a trouble maker and a bit morally grey but he’s still a good kid. Dipper loves him no matter what.

“Hurry up Bill or we’re going to miss the bus.”  
Bill turned from his mirror to face Dipper.  
“Can’t I just skip? There’s just three weeks left. We could go to the park and see if we can find more teeth.”  
Bill’s recently started collecting teeth since finding a deer skeleton in the woods. Dipper had been wondering if demon Bill’s excitement over deer teeth would carry over to human Bill. It seems it did.  
“No. You’ve got AP exams.”  
“The worst part of good grades is advanced classes.”  
“I understand how you feel but you still gotta ace this stuff.”  
“But I already aced the only test that matters. My sexuality test.”

Bill winked and made finger guns at Dipper who rolled his eye. Bill started making aromantic and asexual jokes every chance he gets since figuring out he’s both. Dipper gets to hear the bulk of them and is usually the test subject for new ones. 

Dipper’s not punny so he’s never made the jokes like Bill does but he does share the aroace orientation. Back when he was human he may have ended up something else but he’s not. He’s a demon who’s lived trillions of years. Romantic and sexual relationships aren’t appealing.

So, he and Bill can puzzle over societies obsession with both together while avoiding touching either type of relationship with even a 10-foot pole. Dipper handed Bill his glasses. He’s needed them for about a year now. Mabel had painted one side of the frames to look like the asexual flag and the other to look like the aromantic flag.

She wanted to paint the front too but she wouldn’t have been able to avoid getting acrylic paint on the lenses so it was left black. Mabel’s still grasping how someone could not experience romantic attraction but is supportive none the less.

Dipper manages to coerce Bill into finishing getting ready and making it to the bus on time. Bill had three tests today and as far as Dipper saw, he did well. Bill was at his locker at the end of the day when a girl walked up to him. 

“Uh, hey, Bill.”  
Bill looked over and grinned. He’s usually grinning though so this wasn’t a special occurrence.  
“Hi girl. Did my amazingness catch your eye or something?”  
Bill’s confidence is unparalleled and though he’s weird he’s actually generally well liked among kids of his grade and younger. He's got this sort of charisma. The girl laughed a little.  
“So, uh, you like ice cream, right?”  
“Everyone likes ice cream.”  
“Well, I have a two for one fro-yo coupon if you want to go with me?”  
Bill stopped and his smile dropped.  
“Geez. Girl, I don’t do dates. So, nah. Thank for the offer though.”  
“Why aren’t you interested in anyone!”  
The girl turned on her heel and stomped off. Bill sighed.  
“Lame. They need to give up. I’m not interested.”  
“Trust me. It never stops. At least you didn’t have to refuse Marilyn Monroe in front of, like, 50 people.”  
“Speaking from experience there pine tree?”  
“I just wanted to talk about her career!”  
“There, there, pine tree. She’s dead now. Let’s get Mabel and go home.”

Bill finished at his locker then he and Dipper went to meet Mabel at the busses. At dinner Bill complained about the girl asking him out. Ms. Pines said he might like it if he actually accepted for once. Bill groaned and reiterated his position on dating which is to say that it’s stupid and he will not be dating ever.

As summer fast approached Dipper caught wind of a conversation between the Pines parents. They’re sending the kids to Stan for the summer just like they did in his universe. He should have figured this might happen. 

Well, it’s not like he’s going to cause an apocalypse. If they just play it cool everything will be fine. Dipper didn’t tell the kids about them going to stay with Stan for the summer. That’s for their parents to do. He did however sit and think about how he’ll handle the summer.

Maybe they won’t even find those journals. Yeah, that’s probably wishful thinking. If it’s out there, Bill will find it. He no doubt has the entire town of Gravity Falls memorized because of that puzzle game. Bill’s quickly approaching the end of objective two now in the game. Get to the fearamid.

There was about a week left of school before summer and Dipper’s still trying to get a grasp on how he’s going to handle the summer. He’ll be surrounded by so many people he knows. No, used to know… It’ll be hard but-

Wait. 

Something’s in the house.

Smoke started coming in under the door. Dipper recognized the energy signature and immediately knew what the monster in the house was doing. This was a suicide mission. It took 1 minute tops to reach Bill’s rooms from the second it was started. 

Fire doesn’t start and spread this far this fast unless it’s magic. This damn creature was trying to kill Bill with fire he’d never have time to escape even though this method would take everyone with it. Dipper’s got two-minutes tops before the house is consumed by a fire that won’t stop burning until the whole building is ash.

First priority are the kids. Dipper turned human form and grabbed Bill’s glasses then lifted Bill in his arms. Bill woke up quickly holding his pine tree pillow tight. Dipper teleported them out to the front lawn before Bill could say anything. Bill’s eyes widened at the flaming house.

“Pine tree what’s-”  
“Stay put.”

Dipper teleported back in and landed in Mabel’s room. Flames were in her room and she was curled in a ball on her bed with tears in her eyes, scared. There was no way for her to get out on her own. Luckily Dipper was there. He got to her and picked her up before transporting her outside with Bill. 

The children clung to each other. Dipper got on the ground and pulled both children into him then put up a shield around them. Less than a second later the fire rushed outward and up and basically exploded to make sure it did its job of killing everything on the property.

Not even Dipper is sure who called 911 but police cars and fire trucks were soon there as was an ambulance. Dipper had made himself visible to everyone because the kids can’t answer questions right now and he needs to make sure they stay together.

The three of them were checked over for injuries. Bill and Mabel stayed as curled up to Dipper as possible. He’s the only thing they have left. Bill was crying silently while Mabel’s sobs could be heard. Dipper tried his best to comfort them as he answered questions. He said nothing specific about himself. 

The twins ended up in a foster home a few days later. The extent of their possessions consisted of the stuffed thing they sleep with that they had each been holding, the ear rings they were wearing, PJs, Bill’s glasses, and the protection necklace. The necklace was out of power.

Dipper was around a lot but posing as a child service worker and didn’t get to interact with the kids as much as any of them would have liked. Bill thought Dipper looked out of place in a suit. It wasn’t a fun week. Dipper wished he could be around for Bill and Mabel more, they need him, but he has to get something worked out first. 

Dipper dialed a number and waited. 

“Hello, thank you for calling the Mystery Shack home of wonders never before seen by-”  
“Is this Stanford Pines?”  
Dipper disguised his voice and only by miracle managed to not call Stan Stanley.  
“Yeah. Who’s this?”  
“My name is Tyrone. I’m a social worker.”  
“Social worker? What’s a social worker calling me for?”  
“Have you not heard about the passing of Linda and Eric Pines? I believe Eric was your nephew, right?”  
“Whoa, whoa, they’re dead? How?”  
“There was a fire. The entire house and most of the property was destroyed.”  
“That terrible… Wait. What about the kids? There were two of ‘em.”  
“That’s why I’m calling. The kids are ok but they need a permanent home. You are the closest family they have. Would you be willing to take them in?”  
“Of course! Uh, how much cash do you want to fudge my background check? You guys do those right?”  
“No worries. I’ve taken care of everything.”

Dipper spent the next two days getting everything set up. He wanted to be with the kids, they need him, but he had to do this first. Finally, he got everything done and went to the kids’ room in their foster home. It was around midnight.

Dipper was spotted immediately.

“Pine tree!”  
Dipper walked over to Bill. He was in human form still.  
“Hey kiddo. How you doing?”  
Bill looked like he was about to cry.  
“Shhhh, it’s alright. It’s alright. Do you want a hug?”

Bill nodded. Dipper got on the bed and Bill quickly crawled into his arms. Mabel sat up in the bed on the other side of the room and looked at the two boys. Dipper waved her over too and she was soon curled up to him as well. He was everything they had left.

“Where were you?”  
Bill said into Dipper’s shirt. He pet Bill’s hair.  
“I’ve been getting you two a home.”  
“Our home is gone.”  
“A new home.”  
“Some family is adopting us?”  
“You’re great uncle Stan.”  
“We have to live with some old guy forever?”  
“Hey, you’ll like him once you get used to him.”  
“I guess.”  
“You’ll have fun in Gravity Falls. I know you will.”

It was quiet after that. Dipper just held the kids and pet their hair or rubbed their backs while they tried to be as close as possible to the one person they knew would always be there for them. Mabel fell asleep like that but Bill stayed awake.

“Pine tree, what actually happened? I was told it was a fire but it all went by so fast. Mabel accepts that explanation but there’s got to be more, right?”

“A monster went on a suicide mission. It set a fast acting magic fire that consumed the house in about three minutes. I had just enough time to get you and Mabel out and protect you before the whole place basically exploded.”

“So, there was no way to get my parents out?”

“No. The fire would have reached their room in about 20 seconds. It’s not like they had a horrible death though. The fire is designed to burn everything without alerting anyone. They probably didn’t even wake up so they never knew anything even happened.”

“Oh…”  
Bill was quiet a second.  
“I guess I’m just not meant to have parents.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“You know… My bio parents are either dead or MIA and now my adopted parents are gone.”

“Bill, sometimes things happen that separate you from the people you care about and there’s not much you can do about it. It doesn’t mean you’re not deserving of them. I know how you feel. Being separated from people you care about is hard. You still have me though, and you’ve still got Mabel. We’re here for you if you need us.”

“Alright. Don’t ever go away, ok?”  
“Ok. Now go to sleep Bill. I’ll be here to protect you.”

Bill got comfortable curled up to Dipper with his sister and fell asleep rather quickly. Dipper held them. He loves them and he’ll protect them. He’s gotten their living situation worked out so he’ll be able to be with them all the time again. They’ll need him over the next months too. 

-

Bill looked out the car window. All he really saw at this point were trees but his mind was elsewhere. He had his pine tree pillow clutched under one arm his other hand was holding Dipper’s. Mabel was doing much the same, also holding Dipper’s hand.

Dipper sat in the middle seat in human form. The kids had insisted on this form. It was easier to hug, cuddle, and hold hands with. Dipper wasn’t complaining. He was their comfort and everything that was still familiar. 

They knew they were safe if he was there and had been clinging to him since he returned from finishing setting things up. That was ok. The car eventually pulled up to the Mystery Shack. Everyone got out of the car and Stan was introduced insisting the kids call him Grunkle Stan.

The kids were shown to the attic then left there to get settled and so Stan could sign some papers. The kids looked around before choosing beds. Bill chose left Mabel chose right. They settled into their spots as all their possessions could fit it one backpack which had been tossed on the desk. Bill broke the silence first.

“Hey, that window’s shaped like a pine tree.”  
Bill pointed at the window above the desk.  
“Oh, would you look at that. Anyway, what do you think of here?”  
Dipper blatantly changed the subject.  
"We’ll I never pictured living in an attic.”  
Bill said.  
“Grunkle Stan seemed grumpy.”  
Mabel added.  
“Don’t worry, you guys are going to love it here. You’ll have so much fun and Stan’s great once you get used to him.”  
“How would you know? You have lots of powers but I know you can’t see the future.”

Well, Dipper has lived a summer here before, not here exactly but his dimension’s equivalent, and if his summer is anything to go by? Bill and Mabel are going to have a great time. Plus, since he’s the demon this time there not going to be an apocalypse at the end of summer. Hopefully. But he can’t tell the kids that. That’s too long of story and not one Dipper wants to talk about.

“You’re right, I can’t see the future, but you gotta trust me. You’ll love it here. It’ll be home by the end of summer.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry folks but anyone hoping for Bill or Dipper to have a romance or crush of any kind is out of luck. My boys aren't interested and I'm pointing it out for a reason.
> 
> Also I'm thinking about re-writing the next chapter. The next few will be a bit similar to the show but it'll diverge real quick.


	8. Things Don't Go The Way Dipper Expected

Stan gave the kids a week to adjust before putting them to work. By then they’d begun to branch out. Bill complain about child labor laws and demanded he be paid for his work. Dipper was surprised when he negotiated Stan into giving him free access to the ice cream bin for not breaking anything or terrorizing customers.

To be honest he felt a little pride too. It’s definitely all the practice making deals with him that gave Bill the edge he needed to negotiate Stan. It could be Dipper’s imagination but it seemed like Bill earned a little bit of Stan’s respect too.

“What are you doing?”  
Bill asked his sister who was spying on a boy across the gift shop.  
“I rigged a note. He’s reading it.”  
Mabel replied gleefully. Bill exchanged an exasperated look with Dipper who was floating as a pine tree nearby.  
“Mabel one of these days you’re going to realize that romance is a rip off and come to the sane side with me and pine tree.”  
Mabel rolled her eyes.  
“Oh, shut up bro. We can’t all be aromantic heathens like you and Dipper.”

“While I don’t believe, you will ever join our aromantic club, I do believe you should slow down on your boy intake. It’s doubtful you’ll meet ‘the one’ this summer, even if soulmates were actually a thing which they aren’t. The concept of there being one person out there who’s meant solely for you is absurd and considering there’s about 8 billon people in the world, finding that one person would be statistically impossible.”

Dipper said. Mabel stuck her tongue out at him.  
“You’re wrong.”

“Actually, I’m never wrong. Besides, I never said you wouldn’t find someone who will make you happy, I’m just saying it probably won’t be this summer and they won’t be the single person created just for you. No one is ever created just for another person. Love is a choice not a feeling. Even I know that.”

Mabel blew a raspberry at Dipper.  
“Lame”  
“Hey kids quit talkin to thin air. I need someone to hammer up these signs in the creepy part of the forest. Wendy’s already made her stance.”  
Stan said. They hadn’t noticed him come in.  
“Why can’t Soos do it?”  
Bill complained.  
“Looks like Bill’s got the job.”  
Stan said before shoving a hammer, a bucket of nails, and a bunch of signs into Bill’s arms. Bill looked personally offended.  
“How dare.”  
“Go on, git kid. Those signs aren’t going to hang themselves.”

Bill shot a look at Stan before turning in a huff and heading out the door. Dipper rolled his eye, told Mabel to behave, then floated after him. Bill was waiting outside for him, struggling to hold everything at once.

“Need some help?”  
“No duh.”

Dipper turned human form and took the signs from Bill then they both headed into the woods. Bill insisted on doing the hammering and Dipper just walked behind him hanging up signs. Bill had one nail left and was deciding between two trees. Dipper waited patiently. 

Bill finally picked a tree. He put the nail up and hit it with the hammer. The nail didn’t go in but there was the clink of the sound of metal hitting metal. Bill paused then tossed the nail and hit the tree with the hammer as hard as he could. The result was a metallic thud and a dent in the tree.

Bill ran a hand over it until he felt a line. He used his nails and pried it open. There was another panel behind it. This one had a puzzle on it. It was a big blank square grid on a digital screen with numbers on the top and numbers on the left side. It appeared to open it you had to finish the puzzle correctly. Bill looked at it carefully.

“It’s a nonogram. A pretty complicated one at that.”  
“Want to try it?”  
“Yeah.”

Bill found a stylist and started filling in squares. The top numbers represent how many filled squares are in each column and the side numbers represent how many are in each row. It took Bill a little bit but it eventually looked correct. The picture it made was a picture of pine tree Dipper but it was X-ed out. The X seemed to be deliberately going over Dipper’s eye. 

Bill adds this to the list of things in and near the Mystery Shack that have pictures of Dipper in his pine tree form on them. He’s on a lot of rugs and that one window in Bill’s bed room is pine tree shaped among other things. It’s a rather long list.

Hopefully one day Dipper will stop avoiding questions about it. He’ll explain why he’s on the dollar without hesitation but won’t even acknowledge there’s a literal stained glass window of him right outside Bill’s bedroom.

It feels like Dipper’s keeping secrets from him all of a sudden and Bill doesn’t like it.

A light suddenly switched to green and the panel moved away revealing a compartment. There was a book inside. It was red and a bit worn and when Bill picked it up he saw a gold six fingered hand with the number 3 on it. Bill was having de ja vu again. 

This book looks exactly like one of the journals in his puzzle game just like how Gravity Falls looked just like the town in his puzzle game down to the last detail. Bill looked at Dipper who had an unreadable expression on his face. Bill clutched the book to him.

“Pine tree, there’s something going on here. Things keep being exactly like in my game. What aren’t you telling me?”  
“Nothing you need to know right now. Pick up the hammer and let’s go back.”  
“You’ll tell me later though, right? You created my game too identical to this place for you not to have specific knowledge of Gravity Falls.”  
“…Maybe one day but I don’t really want to talk about it.”

Bill pouted but followed Dipper back without complaint never the less. Dipper did not ask for the book and Bill would not have given it if he had. To be honest Dipper held no real interest in the journal its self. He just wants Bill to take care of it.

Dipper casually sat in the recliner in the living room upon returning, with the intent to see what’s on TV. Bill who had also wanted the recliner but was not quick enough compromised and sat in Dipper’s lap. He ignored the TV and opened the journal. He flipped around to get the gist then started at the beginning.

“What’cha got there?”  
“Agh!”  
Bill almost launched the journal at Mabel’s head in self-defense.  
“Whoa clam down bro. It’s just me.”  
“You startled me.”  
“Sorry. Is that a new book? It looks old.”  
“It is old! It’s like… uh. Let’s see 1982 minus 2012 is-”  
“It’s 30 years old Bill.”  
Dipper said with disinterest.  
“Right. Thanks pine tree. It’s thirty years old and it documents all this weird stuff in Gravity Falls but a third of the pages are blank. It’s like the author vanished. Isn’t that cool? There’s a Mystery here!”  
Bill loves mysteries and the unexplained. The weirder the better.  
“Yeah, that’s neat!”  
Mabel replied. Stan came in the room then.  
“What you kids doing?”  
“Bothering Bill.”  
“Reading.”  
“What you are reading?”  
Bill grabbed a magazine and put it over the cover of the journal.  
“None of yo business.”  
Bill was very protective over books and Stan decided not to pry lest he get bitten.  
“Don’t leave the TV on if you’re not watching it.”  
“Pine tree is watching it.”

Dipper made a non-comital noise as he continued to watch “Why You Actin’ So Cray Cray?” with heavy disinterest. Not surprisingly, Gravity Falls public access television is just as bad in this dimension as it is in the one he’s from.

“Pine tree?”  
“Yeah.”  
Bill offered no further explanation. Stan shrugged.  
“Whatever.”

-

“Pine tree I’m bored!”  
Bill whine from where he was laying upside down in the recliner. Dipper rolled his eye.  
“Read you’re book.”  
Bill clutched the journal to his chest.  
“I don’t feel like doing that though.”  
“What do you want to do?”  
“I don’t know… Um… can we go into town? I’m tired of being stuck around here.”  
“I suppose. Tell Stan you’re going out and ask your sister if she wants to come with us.”  
“Yes!”

Bill did a backwards summersault off the recliner. The landing was probably painful but Bill just laughed a little seeming completely unfazed. He ran off to do as Dipper said. He was back about 10 minutes later with Mabel, ready to go. 

“Ready?”  
Bill looked at the journal in his arms.  
“Wait. What are we going to do with the journal while we’re gone? I don’t want Grunkle Stan to get it. It’s mine, I found it, and he’ll take it. I’m sure he will.”  
“If you want I’ll keep it in the void until you need it.”  
“You aren’t going to steal it, right?”  
Dipper rolled his eyes. Bill’s always like this with books.  
“I hold no interest in your book but if it’ll make you feel better, we’ll get you a new back pack to hold it in while we’re in town so you can easily keep it with you. I know the one you have currently is worthless.”  
“We’re gonna steal a backpack?”  
“No, I’m gonna buy you one silly. There’s no point in having infinite cash if I can’t spend it.”  
“I guess we’ll be buying cigarettes while we’re out then as well?”  
“There is a chance.”  
“Well then I’m getting a slushy while we’re at the convenience store.”  
“Yes, yes, you spoiled child.”  
“Ok let’s go!”

Bill handed the journal to Dipper who sent the journal to the void as promised then the three of them left the building. About halfway into town Dipper made himself look human and be visible to everyone so it appeared Bill and Mabel were with an adult.

Bill got his backpack. It was good quality and yellow with a triangular buckle and a good amount of storage. It also was not cheap but money is no object for Dipper. Just as an added adventurers bonus Dipper used magic to make it water proof.

They walked around town doing whatever seemed of interest. They went to the arcade. Bill really wanted to do laser tag but Dipper didn’t have the patience for that today. They checked out the mall too. Dipper bought Mabel knitting and scrapbook supplies then they had lunch at Greasy’s.

“Hey, aren’t you two Mr. Pines’s kids?”  
Lazy Susan asked upon stopping to take their order.  
“Yep.”  
Mabel said with a smile. Lazy Susan clearly didn’t see Stan anywhere but her good eye landed on Dipper who she hadn’t seen around here before. Bill picked up on it quick and blurted out a lie.  
“This is our big brother, Dipper. He and Stan don’t get along well, so we usually hang out separately.”  
Dipper looked enough like Mabel to pass as being her big brother. Lazy Susan smiled.  
“Oh ok. What can I get you to eat?”  
Bill and Mabel both shouted pancakes. Lazy Susan wrote that down then looked at Dipper.  
“What about you?”  
“Oh, I’m not hungry. I’m just feeding my little siblings.”  
“Are you sure?”  
“Yeah. I’m positive.”  
“Alright.”  
Lazy Susan left. Mabel looked at Dipper.  
“Why do you never eat?”  
“Actually, I do eat on occasion it’s just not things you would be capable of consuming. I’m not that fond of human food either. Plus, eating isn’t necessary for my survival. I’m self-sustaining.”  
“What do you eat?”  
“I eat things like dreams, nightmares, and memories.”  
“What do those taste like?”  
“There are no terms that could accurately describe the taste of a dream kiddo.”

The kids’ food came. They both ate their food happily. Bill ate his pancakes carefully so as not to get syrup everywhere. He knows Dipper has no qualms with wiping his face for him like a parent would a five-year-old which is super embarrassing.

Dipper paid and Lazy Susan gave him a cup of coffee to go since he didn’t eat anything. Dipper smiled and thanked her. Once outside he dumped it and threw the cup in a nearby trashcan. They hung around town a little while longer then went back to the shack. Mabel stopped when they were almost there.

“What is it?”  
Bill asked. Mabel pointed towards the woods.  
“There’s a girl over there. She looks upset. We should go see what’s wrong.”  
Bill shrugged.  
“Sure. Come on pine tree.”  
The three of them walked over to the person Mabel saw. The girl was pacing a little and looked really worried.  
“Hi! Are you ok?”  
Mabel greeted. The girl stopped and looked at Mabel, Bill, and Dipper.  
“No, I’m really worried about my friend, Candy.”  
“What happened?”  
“This boy started dating her a few days ago and they were supposed to go for a forest walk today. I was supposed to meet her here but it’s past the time she was supposed to be here. She’s never late.”  
“Maybe we could help! I’m Mabel by the way, and these are my brothers Bill and Dipper.”  
“I’m Grenda. It’d be great to have some help.”  
Mabel looked at Bill.  
“You in?”  
“Hell yeah. It sounds like an adventure. Or a detective story. I’m down for both.”  
Mabel Grinned then looked at Dipper who looked exasperated for some reason.  
“Dipper what about you?”  
“Things already aren’t going the same as last time. Of course, they’re not. I was foolish to think they would.”  
Dipper said to himself though none of the children knew what he meant by that. Finally, he looked at Grenda.  
“Ok, we’ll help. Now, I’m going to ask you some questions, alright? I need to… make sure of something.”  
“Uh, ok.”  
“This guy, was he in a black hoodie always with the hood up, never takes it off?”  
“Yeah.”  
‘Bunette?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Named Norman by any chance?”  
“Yeah. Do you know him or something?”  
Dipper sighed.  
“Alright, it’s what I thought. I know where to go. Let’s get a golf cart. It’ll save us some time.”

Grenda looked confused but the twins just shrugged and agreed. The four of them when the short distance to the Mystery Shack. The golf cart keys were inside so Bill snuck into the gift shop and swiped them from behind the counter. He went back out with a grin. 

Dipper took the keys, told everyone to get in and hold on, then got behind the wheel and started the thing up. The ride was bumpy but Dipper knew the way so they made it to their destination in no time. He parked the cart.

“Alright, gnome glen.”  
“Gnome?”  
Grenda questioned. Dipper ignored her.  
“Everyone out. We go in, rescue Candy, then get back to the cart as fast as possible. I’m leaving it running so we can get out quick. Punch a gnome if necessary but be careful their bites hurt. Understood?”

The kids glanced at each other then nodded. Everyone got out and went over the crest of the hill. No one was not prepared to find a girl tied down by gnomes (except Dipper). There were gnomes everywhere.

“Candy!”  
Grenda rushed forward. Candy looked relieved to see her friend.  
“Grenda!”

“Hey, you can’t be here!”

The brunette gnome standing on a rock yelled. Dipper drop kicked him into a tree. He’s always wanted to do that to Jeff. Bill followed his example and they bought the girls some time by kicking gnomes in the face when they tried to get close.

Grenda broke the ropes holding Candy, which weren’t very thick, and Mabel helped Candy up then they both sprinted to the golf cart. Bill sprinted down too. When Dipper got there all the seats were taken. There wasn’t really any time to think up a plan B so he just changed into his pine tree form and fit up front between Bill and Mabel.

“Bill go!”  
Dipper said to Bill who managed to get into the driver’s seat. Bill hit the gas and the cart shot forward.  
“Pine tree, directions would be helpful!”  
“Turn left at that big tree.”  
“Hold on everybody this is going to be one hell of a turn!”  
They made the turn but just barely and they were off again.  
“When we get driver’s licenses remind me never to be in a car with you when you’re driving.”  
Mabel said.  
“This is my first time behind the wheel and we are fleeing from gnomes so you’re going to have to give me a break here.”  
Bill replied. They drove for another minute or so before things got worse.  
“Is it just me or is the ground shaking?”  
Candy asked from the back seat.  
“I thought Bill’s driving just got worse.”  
Mabel replied.  
“It’s not his driving kids. The journal wasn’t kidding when it said gnomes are stackable.”  
Dipper said, clutching the seat. Grenda looked behind them to see the giant gnome monster coming at them.  
“Can’t this thing go faster?!”  
“I’m doing the best I can woman!”

Bill snapped at her. Attack gnomes were shot at the cart and some landed on target. Dipper decided to be useful and used magic to get rid of them before they could cause to much damage or make Bill’s driving even worse than it already was.

They burst out of the woods but they did so on a jump and the cart rolled on both right wheels for a short distance before falling over completely and skidding several feet. Dipper used magic to keep the kids from getting hurt but was flung a ways away since he used both hands and wasn’t holding onto anything.

The kids crawled out of the golf cart and huddled together by the shack. Bill checked the journal, which he had moved to the backpack the first moment he could, but the gnome pages didn’t list a weakness. What were they going to do? They don’t have time to wait until Dipper gets back over here.

“End of the line kids. Candy, marry us before we do something crazy.”  
Jeff shouted.  
“They want you to marry them?!”  
“Child marriages are illegal without consent from the parents.”

Bill yelled. Dipper came back over in human form and ready to fight but Mabel got an idea first. She whispered it to Grenda who gave her a thumbs up then whispered it Candy who whispered it to Bill who mentally told Dipper. Mabel stepped forward.

“She doesn’t want to marry you but if you’ll leave her alone I will.”  
There was a pause before Jeff responded.  
“That’ll work.”

Jeff scurried down from a top the giant gnome and made his way up to Mabel. He presented her with a ring. Bill glanced over and saw Dipper looked very pissed off about what he was witnessing despite agreeing to try the plan. Bill took his hand as if to tell him Mabel knows what she’s doing.

“Hot dog, now let’s get you back into the forest honey.”  
Jeff said.  
“You may now kiss the bride.”  
Jeff, who’d been about to walk back to the forest, turned back around.  
“Don’t mind if I do.”

Mabel pretended like she was going to kiss Jeff and Dipper was about ready to burn the entire forest down. Instead Mabel pulled back at the last moment and jumping out of the way so Grenda could suck him up with the leaf blower and sucked Jeff in. Bill grinned and cheered.

“Yeah! Kick his ass, girls!”

Candy put the leaf blower in reverse and sent Jeff right through the center of the monster and into the forest. The gnomes, now knocked out of formation and without a leader scattered and fled. Grenda put the leaf blower down. All the kids were a mess. The girls were already getting along great and talking about hanging out with Mabel again while Bill was chilling against the house looking pleased. Dipper walked over.

“Is everyone ok? Any broken bones or scrapes?”  
Each kid gave their own confirmation that they were fine.  
“Alright, good.”  
Candy and Grenda gave him a weird look. Dipper smiled at them.  
“Ask me any question you’d like. There won’t be a charge and I won’t be offended.”  
They glanced at each other then at Mabel and Bill then looked back at Dipper.  
“How did you change shape like that?”  
“Was that even real?”  
Dipper was about to reply but Bill interrupted.  
“Pine tree I know you get off on explaining things and love listening to the sound of your own voice but I’m sure none of us want to sit here and hear you talk for three hours.”  
Dipper sent Bill a look.  
“Last time I checked you liked it when I taught you new things but if you’re so tired of my voice you explain things then.”  
“Fine.”  
Bill walked over.  
“Ladies, pine tree here is my magical guardian sent to me because I’m a train wreck with a bounty on my head. He protects me, and Mabel by extension, and raises us but in a big brother kind of way. That’s really all you need to know.”  
“Oh, that’s cool!”  
Grenda said.  
“Yes, different but cool.”  
Candy agreed. Bill smiled.  
“Yeah, but don’t ask him for explanations unless you’ve got like 45 minutes to spare. Once he’s on a roll he does not stop talking.”  
“You act like you hate the sound of my voice yet you’ll willingly sit and listen to my 2-hour demonology lessons completely enthralled. I’m thinking you’re a hypocrite, Bill.”  
Dipper said. Bill stuck his tongue out at the demon.  
“Just admit you’re butt hurt I interrupted what was going to be one hell of a lecture.”  
“Shut up.”  
“HA! I’m right.”  
Dipper rolled his eyes then looked to Candy and Grenda.  
“You two should go home. It’s late and I don’t want your parents to worry.”

Candy and Grenda agreed said goodbye to everyone then left. Mabel was happy. She had two new friends. However, both Bill and Mabel were sore and tired. They were still a mess too. Dipper did his thing, turning invisible again and back into his pine tree form then herded the kids inside.

Dipper followed the kids into the gift shop. Now that the excitement was over they were really feeling a day’s worth of walking and the gnome adventure. Stan was at the counter counting money but he looked up when he heard the door open and close. He observed how big of mess the kids were.

“What? You guys get hit by a bus or something? HA!”  
Bill and Mabel looked at him for a moment then kept walking. Stan fingered the cash a moment.  
“Wait. I overstocked some inventory so why don’t you take something from the gift shop free of charge.”  
“What’s the catch?”  
Bill asked.  
“The catch is do it before I change my mind now take something.”

The kids looked around the shop. Bill wasn’t sure what he wanted. He wanted something cool and different. Nothing stood out. Mabel found a grappling hook and made a mess with it. Stan, Mabel, and Dipper watched Bill look for a good 10 minutes.

“If you don’t want something you don’t have to take something.”  
Stand said. Bill ignored him and stopped by a shelf. He picked something up. It was a pyramid with symbols and buttons on it. Bill turned around and held it up. It was slightly bigger than his palm.  
“What’s this?”  
“Some type of puzzle I think. I could never figure it out so I figured I’d sell it. Why? You want that?”  
“Yes.”  
“It’s yours. No one else seems to want it.”  
“Yes! Thanks, Grunkle Stan.”  
“Yeah, yeah, get out of here kids.”

Bill went up to the attic while Mabel went elsewhere. Dipper decided to follow Bill who he found settled on his bed with the journal and his new puzzle pyramid. He seemed to be deciding on which he wanted to focus on.

“You going to write down the gnomes’ weakness in the journal?”  
“Oh, I guess I could if I had a pen but are you sure it’d be ok?”  
“Hey, it’s your book now. Do what you want. If it were me though, and I had new entries or corrections I’d write in it. Up to you though.”  
Bill considered a second.  
“Would the author mind do you think? I mean I’ll probably never meet him but it is his or her research.”  
“If you’re clever enough I bet the author will think you’re really smart.”  
“Really?”  
Bill asked hopefully.  
“Absolutely.”  
“Can I have a pen?”

Dipper summoned a pen out of the void for Bill then ruffled his hair. Bill got started then Dipper went to Mabel in the living room. She was watching TV in the big recliner so Dipper went and perched on the arm rest.

“Hey Dipper.”  
“Have fun today?”  
“Yeah!”  
“What are you watching?”  
“I’m not sure. Gravity Falls public access television is weird.”  
“Agreed.”  
There was a pause.  
“Do I talk to much?”  
Mabel looked at Dipper.  
“No. I mean, I think you talk a normal amount it’s just when you explain things you do it in the longest way possible.”  
“Oh.”  
“It’s ok Dipper. You’re just excited to share what you know. It’s just, you know a lot and can get carried away.”  
“Yeah ok. I need to trim down my explanations then.”  
“You also go off track a lot.”  
“Noted. I’ll… work on that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They may be in Gravity Falls now but their summer isn't going to go quite the same as Dipper's did.
> 
> Unfortunately for Dipper that means he no longer knows exactly what to expect.


	9. Bill Vs. Lake

Mabel made a face.  
“Bill, quit putting maple syrup in your cereal. Use milk like a normal person.”  
Bill shoved a spoonful of syrup covered cereal into his mouth.  
“No. I don’t like milk.”  
He said through his mouthful. Mabel made a face.  
“It’s gross, Bill. Dipper tell him it’s gross.”  
“I think all of what mortals consider food is disgusting and can’t help you prove the point you are trying to make.”  
Dipper said not looking up from the magazine he was looking through. Mabel huffed.  
“You’re more interested in that magazine than us.”  
Dipper still didn’t look up.  
“No, I’m - hey, they have a monster photo contest in here. Wow, these are so fake.”  
Mabel rolled her eyes.  
“You’re proving my point.”  
“You both may find this hard to believe, but I do have interests beyond the two of you.”  
Bill put his bowl down, he’d finished his cereal and had been licking the excess syrup out of it. Dipper glanced over.  
“Bill, you have syrup all over your face. Hold still.”  
“NO!”

Bill shouted. Before Dipper could move Bill grabbed his glass of water, splashed all of it on himself which drenched him from the shoulders up, then grabbed a napkin and wiped his face himself. Dipper watched the entire display with one eyebrow raised.

“You missed a spot.”  
“No I didn’t.”  
“I can see the spot you missed.”  
Bill grabbed Dipper’s magazine and held it in front of his face.  
“No, you can’t- ooh, human sized hamster ball.”  
Bill showed Mabel the ad.  
“Oh, that’s so cool! Expensive though.”  
“Before you ask I’m not buying you that. Use your own money.”  
Dipper said.  
“We don’t have any money.”  
Bill said.  
“Looks like you’re out of luck then.”

There were footsteps then Stan came in the kitchen. He quickly zeroed in on the kids. Dipper was still invisible to Stan so, despite being seated at the table, he remained unnoticed. Bill put the magazine down as Stan came over.

“Hey kids- Bill, why are you wet?”  
“I poured a glass of water on myself.”  
“Why?”  
“I had syrup on my face.”  
“You’re a weird kid, you know that?”  
“Yeah I know.”  
“Anyway, I got a surprise for ya.”  
“Are you going to finally start wearing pants?”  
Bill asked and was hit with a rolled-up newspaper and Dipper snickered.  
“No, it’s my house I can wear what I want.”  
“Then what is it?”  
“Wouldn’t be a surprise if I told you. So, how’s about it?”  
Bill and Mabel looked at each other then shrugged.  
“Yeah.”  
“Ok.”  
“Good answer.”

The ride was bumpy and Bill didn’t like being blind folded. Mabel took it in stride as she does most things. At the end, Mabel said Bill is still the worst driver to which Bill scoffed. When the kids took of their blindfolds they saw Stan standing in front of the lake.

“Ta-da! It’s fishing season.”  
“Fishing?”  
“Oh no.”  
“The guys from the lodge won’t go with me. They don’t like or trust me. So, I decided to take you two. Here.”  
Stan placed something on each twin’s head. The kids took them off to look. They were fishing hats with their names sewn on in colored felt.  
“That’s hand stitching you know. Now put on these life jackets and let’s get fishing.”  
“Wait. Are you saying you want me to get on a boat in the middle of a large body of water?”  
Bill said sounding less than confident.  
“Yeah. What’s the problem?”  
“No problem.”  
Mabel looked at her brother.  
“Bill if you’re-”  
“Nope. I’m fine. I can do it.”

Mabel frowned as she watched Bill put on his life jacket and tie it as tight as he could. She sighed and put on her own then they followed Stan to his dingy little fishing boat tied to the dock. She’ll let her brother try but if it gets to bad she’s stepping in. 

Dipper floated behind them, keeping his eye on Bill. The boy clearly had made up his mind and Dipper knows he won’t be able to change it at the moment but he’s ready to take action if needed. Bill fidgeted with his glasses a little and stared at the boat, looking more than a little pale.

“Bill, I think you should-”  
“No. I can do it.”  
Stan turned to the kids.  
“Come on. It’ll be fun. I brought the joke book.”

Dipper and Mabel cringed. Bill smiled weakly. He liked terrible jokes. Stan got in the boat and so did Mabel. Bill stood, staring at the small boat he was expected to be in for several hours. Surrounded by water on all sides. Water he didn't know the depth of and couldn't see through. He couldn’t move. Stan raised an eye brow.

“Kid, you ok?”  
“I’m fine.”  
The statement was weak and Stan didn’t look convinced. Dipper floated next to Bill and put a hand on his shoulder.  
“It’s ok if you can’t do it.”  
“No I can.”  
Dipper’s eye narrowed a little.  
“Quit being stubborn. You’re starting to hyperventilate. Get away from the water before you panic.”  
Mabel groaned and got out of the boat.  
“Ok, that’s it. I gave you your chance. Grunkle Stan, Bill is terrified of water. Every time he’s faced with large bodies of water he tries to pretend he’s not and it always ends badly.”  
“Mabel…”

Bill complained weakly. His head was spinning and he felt like he might pass out. Was Stan the type of person who thinks stuff like this can be simply overcome if he just does it? Is he going to force Bill on the boat anyway? Bill really hopes not because he feels too close to the water as is. 

How he even managed to make it onto the dock is a mystery. 

Stan did seem a little disappointed but mostly he seemed to understand. Also, Bill looked 30 seconds away from a panic attack and Stan, while he wouldn’t call himself the most responsible caretaker, knew better than to put a child who’s panicking some place that’s surrounded by what’s causing him to panic. Stan got out of the boat.

“Ok, let’s go back.”

Bill was helped off the dock because he was completely frozen at this point and they all went back to the car. The ride was in silence but as the water got farther away Bill slowly started feeling better and he managed to quit hyperventilating so badly. Back at the shack Bill got to sit in the big recliner with a blanket and a hot drink. 

Dipper made sure he had his pine tree pillow too. Beyond that, the best thing to do is to leave Bill alone to calm down on his own. If people try to help him too much he gets overwhelmed which just makes things worse. 

Bill managed to calm down. He had his knees pulled up to his chest and was holding his pillow. He felt bad he ruined the fishing trip. It might have been fun if he’d just gotten on the boat. At this point his drink was empty and sitting on the dinosaur skull. 

Bill glanced up when he heard footsteps, expecting Dipper to have switched back to his human form and come to hug him now that he feels a bit better. Instead it was Stan. Bill was slightly disappointed. He kind of had wanted that hug from Dipper he’d been expecting.

“You doing alright?”  
Stan asked.  
“Yeah. I’m sorry.”  
“Why are you sorry?”  
“I… you wanted us to go fishing with you. It’s my fault we couldn’t.”  
“It’s not a big deal.”  
“Yes, it is. You even made us hats. I liked the hats.”  
Stan sighed.  
“Skootch.”  
Bill scooted over in the chair and Stan sat next to him. The chair was just big enough for both of them.  
“Look kid, fears can be serious and I much prefer this outcome to having you go into a meltdown in the middle of the lake.”  
“But it’s such a dumb fear. Being scared of water is stupid.”  
“Hey, don’t say that. It’s not dumb. Even I’m uh…”  
Bill looked at Stan who seemed very awkward. Stan sighed.  
“I’m scared of heights.”  
“You are?”  
“Yeah. I thought it was stupid at first too but things got a lot easier when I started taking it seriously.”  
“Why are you afraid of heights?”  
“Back in jersey when I was a little younger than you, me and my- uh _I_ snuck on the biggest rollercoaster they had on the pier, the one I didn’t meet the height restriction for. Thought it’d be fun.”  
“It wasn’t?”  
“It was awful. Since then I couldn’t handle heights. For a while I couldn’t even climb a latter. Now you tell me why you're afraid of water.”  
“In third grade, I almost drown in the public pool. Now I can’t go near pools or large bodies of water without having a panic attack. I had to quit swimming lessons because of it so I don’t know how to swim either which makes things worse.”  
“I can imagine. You seemed to handle pouring water on your head pretty well though and you're running my water bill up with all those showers you take.”  
“That’s different. I’m fine with small stuff. Also I like having good hygiene and hate my hair being dirty.”  
Stan ruffled Bill’s hair which was unsurprisingly soft, clean, and tangle free. The gesture was rougher than when Dipper does it but the affection was still evident and appreciated.  
“If you’re feeling better, why don’t you play cards with me and your sister?”  
“Ok.”

Stan got up and Bill followed him to the table Mabel was at. They took their seats and Stan shuffled a deck of cards that had been on the table. He dealt then started to explain how poker works. It ended up being fun.

As Mabel was debating her move Bill felt a hand gently comb through his hair and a kiss be placed on his head. He looked up to see Dipper, once again in human form standing next to him. Dipper smiled at him and he smiled back.

“I’m glad you’re feeling better.”  
Dipper said then leaned in and whispered in Bill’s ear.  
“Also, Stan has four of a kind and Mabel’s bluffing.”

Dipper winked at Bill. Bill grinned and proceeded to win the round. He won a couple more times but Mabel seemed to be a natural at this and usually wiped the floor with the boys. Stan was glad they hadn’t started betting yet.

Despite the drama in the first half of the day the rest of the day was very enjoyable. Stan, Mabel, and Bill played cards and other games. At one point Bill and Stan had a bad joke off. It was hard to say who won. The jokes got so terrible Dipper left the room.

All in all, everyone still managed to have a good time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I killed Bill's parents and now I made him have a panic attack and this is only the beginning.
> 
> Bill's in for a rough ride this summer.


	10. Dipper Threatens to Kill a 9-Year-Old And Burns Down a Building

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a very long chapter.

The kids were in the living room watching TV. Dipper was there too just floating around and enjoying a moment of peace. Ducktective switched to a commercial break. Bill took this moment to clean his glasses on his shirt.

A commercial for Lil’ Gideon Child Psychic started playing on the TV. They’d been playing for about a week now. If Dipper had a face right now it’d be making a disgusted expression. It’s been a trillion years but he still hates any version of that pig nosed brat.

“I still wanna go.”  
Mabel said. Stan had already made it clear he didn’t want them to. Bill shrugged.  
“We could sneak out but we don’t have any money to pay for tickets.”  
The kids looked sad and Dipper sighed.  
“Fine. If you really want to go I’ll take you. Just quit making those sad faces.”

The kids perked up. Dipper had originally agreed with Stan that they were not to go and made it clear he wasn’t going to be their loophole this time. However, Bill and Mabel had never been to a magic show before and were really upset they couldn’t go. Dipper just couldn’t take much more of seeing them so sad every time the commercial played.

“Really? You changed your mind?”  
“Thanks Dipper!”  
“Don’t mention it. I mean, seriously, do not mention it. I don’t want to hear about this afterwards.”

-

Dipper took the kids to the Tent of Telepathy. He made himself visible and in human form to pose as Bill and Mabel’s older brother again. Since Bill made that lie it’s been their default explanation. Everyone so far hasn’t had trouble believing that or the accompanying lie that he and Stan don’t get along which is why they’re never seen together.

Dipper got them tickets then took them in to find seats. Bill and Mabel waited impatiently while Dipper sat with his arms crossed and an unamused look on his face. He’s already counting down the minutes until this is over and done with.

Finally, the show started. Gideon sang and danced a catchy little tune, did some magic, and when he used his amulet to make everyone stand Dipper was the only one who remained seated as he was too powerful to be affected. He eyed Gideon when he singled out Mabel who was wearing the sweater she had knitted that day with her name on it. Dipper made a mental note to buy her more yarn.

Gideon didn’t see Dipper giving him the evil eye but Dipper saw him glance around and shiver slightly so he knew the little pig felt it. Mabel remained enchanted and ignored Dipper’s obvious disapproval. After the show ended Dipper took the kids home. 

They talked about it the whole way and Dipper made it very clear after today he doesn’t want to hear another word about it. Neither Bill nor Mabel understood why Dipper seemed to hate the show so much but they’re happy he put aside his opinion and took them anyway.

Mabel and Bill both liked the show. Bill hardly thought Gideon was a real psychic having grown up with Dipper who was actually magic, but the show was still entertaining. Mabel held similar views. When you grow up with a magical being it gets easier to tell real magic from fake magic.

The next day there was a knock on the door. Dipper answered it as a human since no one else was nearby. Enough people in town knew him by now that they wouldn’t question it. Unfortunately, Lil Gideon was at the door. Great, he’s going to have to go through this ordeal again. Gideon took a step back when he saw Dipper.

“Uh, hello there uh,”  
Dipper leaned against the doorway with his arms crossed.  
“Call me Dipper. I’m Bill and Mabel’s older brother.”  
“Yes, hello there, Dipper, I don’t mean to bother y’all but I’d thank you kindly if I could speak to Mabel.”  
The look Dipper was giving him was unnerving. And Gideon was getting the correct impression that he better tread carefully. After a moment, Dipper nodded.  
“Ok. I’ll get her for you.”  
“Thank you.”  
“Before I do, though, I want to give you a warning. If either Mabel or Bill gets hurt or upset because of you, you’re going to have to deal with me and trust me, you don’t want that.”  
Dipper disappeared inside before Gideon could reply and after a few minutes Mabel came out.  
“Gideon, what a surprise.”  
“I was just so enchanted when I saw you at my show I just had to see you again.”  
“Oh you.”  
Mabel giggled.  
“Just, is your brother always so protective?”  
“Bill?”  
“No, Dipper. He said he was your older brother.”  
“Oh. He is. Yeah. Sorry, was he mean to you?”  
Mabel lied.  
“No, no, just seemed a little protective is all.”  
“Yeah he gets like that sometimes. Don’t worry about him. He’s usually pretty chill. He’s just likes to seem intimidating. He won’t hurt you.”

Mabel said, half lying. It was mostly to make Gideon less nervous. Dipper had clearly spooked him. She hopes she’s not over doing the lie by adding the “Dipper won’t hurt you” bit. She doesn’t think Dipper would physically hurt Gideon if she got hurt, just psychologically terrorize him a bit like he always did to bullies. 

Gideon seem to take the words to heart and relaxed.

“Good to know.”

-

Bill was in the gift shop eating a popsicle instead of working. The only people in the room was him, Wendy, and Dipper. Dipper was leaning against the counter casually. Wendy remained blissfully unaware. The stereo on the counter started playing Disco Girl and Wendy changed it.

Dipper changed it back. Wendy stopped and looked at the stereo before changing it again. Once again Dipper changed it back but to Wendy it looked like the dial moved on its own since Dipper was still invisible to her. Wendy took a step back.

“Whoa.”  
Bill rolled his eyes.  
“Pine tree leave Wendy alone.”  
“I’m not trying to terrorize her I just want to listen to what I want to hear for once.”  
“Who the hell said that?!”  
Wendy asked while glancing around for a weapon. Dipper made himself visible.  
“Boo.”  
Wendy jumped.  
“What the hell?”  
“Calm down Ax. I’m not going to hurt you.”  
“Who are you?”  
“Wendy, that’s my demon guardian. He’s been protecting me since I was three. He’s harmless unless you hurt me or Mabel so there’s no need to freak out.”  
“Call me Dipper.”  
“Uh, nice to meet you?”  
“I’m sure. Now if you don’t mind I’d like to listen to the radio.”

Dipper snapped and Disco Girl started playing again. Bill and Wendy let him listen to him song before speaking again.  
“Bill, why do you have a demon guardian? I don’t think that’s normal.”  
“I don’t know. I’m special? Things keep trying to kill me for some reason?”  
“Ok then, Dipper, why’d you pick Bill?”  
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. You make it sound like I wanted this job. I didn’t have a choice.”  
Dipper said.  
“Really?”

“Yeah. I didn’t want to be responsible for a human for an entire life time. Mortals are so fragile. You catch on fire so easily and this one is especially reckless. Plus, if your physical form is destroyed you die. Like, how inconvenient can you get?”  
Dipper noticed the way Wendy was looking at him.  
“Hey, don’t give me that. I may be a demon but I’ve got morals and a lot has changed since I was assigned this job. I love the kids now. I’ll protect Bill and Mabel with everything I have. They’re _my_ kids. I’m literally the only reason they’re even alive right now.”

“Alright, alright.”  
Wendy said. Dipper let out a breath.  
“Anyway, I’m going to go smoke. When I get back tell me if I missed anything.”

Dipper pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his shirt pocket then walked out the door. Bill made a face then went back to his ice cream. Wendy stared at the doorway for a while before looking at Bill. She was quiet a minute longer.

“What’s your opinion of Dipper? I’m not sure how to feel.”

“Oh, I love pine tree. He’s literally the best. He looks out for me constantly. Mabel too. He’s always been like a big brother to us. He’s my friend and he tries his best for us. You don’t have to worry about him honest. He’s not really interested in doing anything besides taking care of me and Mabel.”

Stan walked in.  
“Who are you talkin about kid?”  
“Pine tree.”  
“Right. Where’s your sister?”  
“She’s on another date with Gideon.”  
“What?! Since when has she been talking to Gideon? Never mind. I’ve gotta fix this.”  
Stan marched out the door.  
“Good luck.”

Bill called after. Stand made it out the door then stopped. He looked at Dipper who was just leaning against the house with a lit cigarette in his mouth. Dipper turned his head slightly to look at Stan. He took the cigarette out of his mouth and blew out smoke.

“Need something?”  
“No loitering and no smoking.”  
“No smoking inside. I’m not inside. Also, as soon as I’m done here I’m going back in so if you want a sale you’ll leave me alone.”

Stan narrowed his eyes at Dipper, who casually took another drag, before huffing and continuing on his way to the Gleeful’s house. Dipper watched him go and blew more smoke out. After he was done smoking Dipper went back in.

Stan got to the Gleeful’s house. He was agitated so he smacked the sign off the front door before hammering on it with his fist. He had some strong words for these people that probably wouldn’t be appropriate for most children. He says most because Bill already curses like a sailor. The door was opened by Bud Gleeful.

“Oh, Stanford Pines, what a surprise.”  
“Listen here Gleeful, you need to keep your brat away from my niece.”  
“I understand where you’re coming from. You only want the best for your niece but Gideon is great for her. Besides think of the business opportunity here.”  
“Business opportunity?”  
“Yes, come in and we can discuss it.”  
Stan found himself being led inside and ended up seated on the sofa. Bud planted himself in a chair.  
“Now Stanford, I want you to think. We both make a decent amount of money from our businesses but we could be making more.”  
“How so?”  
“With the publicity from our two youngin’s being together we could form a partnership. If we’re working together instead of trying to tear each other apart we could boost both our sales exponentially.”  
A cash register noise went off in Stan’s head.  
“That sounds interesting. I want to see all the terms fist though.”  
“Of course, of course, I got a draft you can look over and we can work out the kinks. Let me go get it.”

Bud got up and left the room. Stan looked around the room. It seemed like a normal living room then something caught his eye. He glanced around then reached under the side table where it was hastily hidden. What he pulled out was a red book with a gold six fingered hand and the number two on it.

A quick glance inside told him all he needed to know. Screw the business deal, this is more important. Stan fled the Gleeful’s house before Bud even got back to the living room. He’s two third of the way there and he knows where the last one is. 

Bill’s got the last one (he carries it around and reads it in plain sight and Stan has to pretend not to notice) and getting it from him directly would probably be near impossible. Bill’s extremely possessive over books and will not share them under any circumstances. If Stan tried to take it there’s a %110 chance Bill would bite him or worse. Plus, he doesn’t want the kid angry at him as he occasionally has some destructive tendencies when bored or angered.

Not to mention, even Stan’s noticed that when Bill gets upset bad things start happening to the cause and taking the book would definitely make Bill upset. Not to mention things taken from him tend to end up back in his hand a few hours later. Stan’s not sure how he does it. 

Actually, Stan’s not sure how either of the kids got a lot of the stuff they have. The yellow backpack Bill uses? Stan didn’t buy that. Bill just suddenly had it one day. Mabel’s knitting stuff? Stan didn’t buy that either yet she has enough yarn to make a new sweater every day and is somehow keeping a constant supply. 

Either these kids are kleptomaniacs and good at it or something’s going on here.

Once back at the shack Stan quickly hid the book lest Bill find it and claim it as he tends to do with books he finds and likes. He’ll put it in the basement later. Now to think of a way to get the third book from Bill. It’s not like he wants to make the kid upset but he needs that book. 

-

Mabel came back and she was upset. She smiled around Dipper, even though he clearly sensed it was fake, until she could pull Bill away. Dipper was already threatening to Gideon she didn’t want to accidently make him tear Gideon to shreds.

Instead she’d been talking to Bill about it. He doesn’t understand romance but he’ll still listen to her and try to help. She made him promise not to tell Dipper. Bill kept telling her Dipper wouldn’t kill Gideon without her ok since he hasn’t hurt her or anything but she’s playing it safe.

“Just break up with him.”  
“I’ve been trying but every time I get close I lose it.”  
“Do you want me to do it for you? I’ve shot down a bunch of girls and one guy. This can’t be too different.”  
“Would you? You’re no nonsense with relationships. He won’t be able to turn things around on you. You don’t even believe in romance.”  
“Of course, I would, but you know pine tree’s not going to let me go by myself. I have to tell him what I’m doing.”  
“Yeah. That’s fine. Just don’t let him kill Gideon.”  
“Can do.”

The twins ended up deciding to talk to Dipper about this together. They explained the situation and the plan. Dipper’s eyes did flash but his temper didn’t show. He just sighed and ruffled both their hair affectionately.

“Look, I’m not mad. You don’t have to be afraid of my reactions. I’m never going to take my temper out on you two. Now, I’m glad you’re working this out. I just wish you didn’t feel the need to go behind my back to do it. Next time you want to talk without me there just ask. I don’t mind giving you guys privacy when you need it. Alright?” 

“Alright.”  
“Ok.”  
“Since this is your plan I won’t help you execute it. I’ll just be there for protection. Now, when, where, and how are you getting to your next date?”

-

Bill and Dipper had used the car sent for Mabel to get to the restaurant. It was a nice restaurant. Dipper was going to remain invisible and in pine tree form for the duration of this endeavor. Bill went inside and went up to the lady at the podium.

“S’cuse me, but I have a message for Gideon Gleeful from my sister, Mabel Pines. Do you know where his table is?”  
“Right this way.”  
The lady led Bill to the table Gideon was at then left. Gideon put down his menu only to see Bill instead of Mabel.  
“Oh, hello there. William, right?”  
“It’s Bill.”  
Bill said flatly. He doesn’t like being called William.  
“Right, right. I was expecting your sister.”  
“She’s not coming.”  
“Oh?”  
“Yeah. She’s breaking up with you but needed my help. No hard feelings though.”  
“So, what you’re saying is you’re coming between us?”  
Dipper gave Gideon the evil eye again and the child glanced around and suppressed a shiver. Bill pushed up his glasses and rolled his eyes.  
“Whatever kid. I’m going to go now. There’s a can of whipped cream at the shack with my name on it. Have a good life swimming through the corporate grab that is romance with all the other suckers.”

Bill gave a crooked grin and shot finger guns at Gideon making pew pew noises before backing out of there and making his way back to the shack with Dipper. After confirming he did the thing Mabel hugged him. Bill then made his way to the kitchen and took out the can of whipped cream.

He sprayed a bunch in his mouth and ate it before taking the bottle up to the attic to eat and read. By now he’s read the journal cover to cover and has started working on the codes. Codes are fun because they’re like puzzles made of letters.

Dipper didn’t follow immediately and when he did go up he found Bill staring at two pages in the journal blankly, the can of whipped cream in one hand. Dipper floated there a second before floating closer to see what’s got Bill in think mode.

If Dipper had a face right now he would have frowned. Bill was looking at Dipper’s entry in the journal. A quick scan of the page would make words such as evil and monster stand out along with the big red “do not trust”. It’s not the image Dipper want to project. 

Bill seemed to realize Dipper was here and looked at him.

“Pine tree, this is you, isn’t it? You’re Mason.”  
Dipper wasn’t going to lie. Bill’s not stupid.  
“…yeah.”  
“So, you knew the author?”  
“You could say that.”  
“He doesn’t seem to like you.”  
“We were friends then I… I made a mistake and things went downhill.”  
“Is that really it?”  
“What do you mean?”  
“Oh, uh,”  
“Bill?”  
“That exorcist in second grade said that you only use the name Mason when you want something from someone. The author only lists you as Mason. You were using him.”  
“No I-”  
“Don’t lie.”

Dipper was quiet for a while and looked at Bill who looked angry. He’s not surprised. Bill wants to understand but he wants the real full story not a not a quick explanation or excuse to shut him up. Dipper glanced away.

“You wouldn’t understand.”  
“Try me!”

Bill shouted. He hates people telling him he won’t understand something as an excuse not to tell him things and he hates that Dipper’s keeping information from him. He knows Dipper’s good but he also knows that Dipper’s probably done some bad thing. He is a demon and Bill’s sure he occasionally has given in to what his demonic nature wants. 

Bill loves and trusts Dipper anyway no matter what he’s done in the past. He knows Dipper tries very hard not to do bad things and he has no intention on judging Dipper. He was just always taught to get both sides of the story and right now he only has one. All he wants is know what happened but Dipper isn’t cooperating and it’s very frustrating.

“Don’t yell at me.”  
Dipper scolded.  
“Why won’t you tell me? I just want to know what happened!”  
“No! Quit being a brat. It’s complicated. I just don’t want to talk about it!”  
“Are you afraid I won’t like you anymore?”

Dipper disappeared, much to Bill’s anger. Bill almost launched his whipped cream can across the room. That’s not how he wanted this conversation to go. He was trying to approach this delicately. He knew Dipper’d either not tell him anything or just info dump more than he’s ever wanted to know about the author and what happened. There is no in-between. 

Too bad it was the first option and Bill never reacts well to being denied information he deems important. He will find out what Dipper’s hiding but it looks like it’ll be on Dipper’s time and there’s nothing he can do about it. 

-

It was a while before anyone saw Dipper again. He was around enough to protect but he didn’t stop and chat. Eventually after a day or two he started hanging around as usual. Things were a little tense between Bill and Dipper but otherwise normal.

“Dipper can I talk to you about something?”  
Mabel asked.  
“Sure.”  
“So, I was talking to Wendy and I think I should break up with Gideon myself. I mean Bill already did it but I want to say it myself.”  
“Alright. What’s your plan?”  
“I want to go to Gideon’s house and just talk to him normally and explain things but would you come with me please? For back up?”  
“Of course, I will. It’s getting late now though, so we’ll go tomorrow, alright?”  
“Alright. Thanks Dipper.”  
“Not a problem. Do you know where Bill is? I was looking for him when you stopped me.”  
“No. But I’ll help you look.”

They both checked around the entire shack. Stan was in his chair watching TV and ignored Mabel and couldn’t see Dipper. They looked for about 10 minutes before Mabel found a note by the phone. She picked it up and read it.

I’m at 412 Gopher rd. I have my protection necklace so I should be safe.  
~Bill  
P.S. Don’t tell pine tree or he’s going to kill me for going alone

“Dipper, I know where he is but you won’t like it.”  
Dipper floated in and Mabel handed him the note. His eye flashed black for a moment.  
“I’m going to kill him if he’s not already dead!”  
“Take me with you.”  
“Hold on to me.”

Dipper switched to human form and Mabel took his hand then Dipper teleported them to the address. They entered the building. Inside was chaos. Boxes were overturned and their contents spilled. Gideon was using his amulet to levitate Bill and currently trying to cut him in half with lamb sheers.

“Put me down Gideon! I have enough things trying to kill me without you helping!”

Mabel was horrified by what was going on. Dipper snapped and the sheers fell out of Gideon’s control and to the ground where they caught on blue fire and melted. This was enough to draw the boys’ attention to the new comers.

“M-Mabel. My marshmallow. ”  
Gideon said a tad nervously. Meanwhile, Bill was ecstatic.  
“Pine tree! I’ve never been happier to see your stupid face!”  
Gideon jumped a little as Dipper suddenly became visible. Dipper ignored him and focused on Bill.  
“Bill Cipher, you are in so much fucking trouble when we get home!”  
“Fine, ok, just rescue me. This energy is getting tighter.”  
Gideon stared at Dipper, stunned and confused.  
“Where’d he come from? He just appeared. How does your bother do that?”  
“He’s not actually our brother Gideon.”  
Bill choked out.  
“He’s my demon guardian and right now he’s pissed off.”  
“D-demon?”

Dipper’s eyes turned black and he sent blue fire up around the building. Gideon’s chair caught on fire causing Gideon to get out of it in a hurry and lose his hold on his amulet. Bill hit the floor with a hard thud. The landing hurt but he didn’t give Dipper time to get to him before he turned and tackled Gideon. 

He got the amulet and tossed it at Dipper and Mabel. Dipper ignored it going straight for the quarreling children. Mabel ran after and scooped the amulet up along the way. Gideon and Bill crashed through the window and over the cliff. Dipper looked at Mabel.

“Try to catch them with the amulet I’ll catch Bill on the ground. Meet you at the bottom.”

Dipper disappeared from the burning building. Bill and Gideon fought in the air as they fell while yelling at each other.

“We’re going to die and it’s your fault!”  
Gideon yelled while trying to smack Bill.  
“You might die but my demon will save me. I’ll be grounded for the rest of my mortal life but at least I’ll be alive.”  
Bill countered, attempting to kick Gideon.  
“Why do you even have a demon?”  
“Universe monsters want me dead. He’s my protection. Beyond that your guess is as good as mine.”  
“The ground is approaching quickly!”  
“No duh. That’s what happens when you fall. The ground gets closer.”  
“Can you stop being a smart mouth for five seconds?”  
“Never.”

Dipper was ready to catch Bill, he couldn’t care less about Gideon, but both children were surrounded by blue-green energy before they reached Dipper. Mabel, also surrounded by the energy, floated down from the building holding the amulet.

She let the boys fall now that it was only a short distance to the ground. Gideon hit the ground hard. Bill was caught by a still black eyed Dipper. He tried to put an innocent smile on his face but it faltered as Dipper just scowled back at him. 

“Mabel, do your thing now. I don’t think I ever want to see that little pig’s face again.”  
Dipper said and Mabel nodded. She walked up to Gideon.  
“Gideon, I want to tell you myself that we’re over. I was going to consider still being friends but after seeing you attacking my freaking brother, that is never going to happen. Ever! And I’m giving the amulet to Dipper.”  
Mabel turned to Dipper and gave him the stone.  
“Thanks.”  
“My amulet!”

Dipper looked at the thing then took a bite out of it with teeth that were sharper than the twins remembered. Gideon looked horrified as Dipper ate the entire stone right there as if it were no more than a Pringle. Dipper licked his lips then looked at Gideon.

“You’ve now messed with both my children. I’m supposed to protect them and I take my job very seriously. Now, I’d stay away from them if I were you. I’ve done unspeakable things to people who’ve deserved it far less than you. Letting you go in one piece is generous. I suggest you don’t make me regret my generosity.”

“R-right.”  
“What are you waiting for?! Get out so I can deal with my children.”

Fire started springing up and Gideon ran away as fast as his little legs could take him. Dipper turned his black eyes back on Bill who he set on his feet. Bill gulped. He knew he did bad. Really, really, bad. He deserves whatever was coming.

“Are you ok? Do you hurt anywhere?”  
“I just got a few bruises, I’m fine.”  
“There’s glass in your hair.”  
“It’s fine. I promise.”  
“Bill, what the fuck were you thinking?! You could have died! I wouldn’t have been able to protect you because I didn’t know where you were! You almost got cut in half!”  
Dipper yelled, letting himself lose his cool for a minute.  
“I know…”  
Bill looked at the ground, clearly ashamed of his actions.  
“Bill, you can’t do stuff like this. I was so scared!”

Bill looked up again. Dipper’s eyes were normal again but there were tears in them. He’d never seen Dipper get anywhere near crying before. Shit. He messed up worse than he thought. Dipper hugged him tightly like he was afraid Bill was going to disappear.

“Pine tree?”

“Please don’t ever do that to me again. What if you had gotten hurt? What if you had died?! I would never have forgiven myself. Is it my fault because I was being stand offish recently? Is that why you didn’t want to tell me you were going somewhere? Did you think I was mad at you?”

“No, pine tree, it’s not your fault. I promise it’s not your fault. I was just being stupid. I’m sorry.”  
“You’re not having any TV for two weeks, you are also to be on your best behavior during this time or I’m extending your punishment and we are never having a repeat of this again. Do you understand me?”  
“Yes, pine tree. I understand.”

“Good. That’s all starting tomorrow though. For now, let’s all just go home and relax. I’ll get the glass out of your hair then too. Please just don’t ever run off like that again. I couldn’t handle it if something happened to you.”

“I promise.”

Bill hugged Dipper. Mabel came over and Dipper included her in the hug too then teleported everyone back to the shack. Mabel went off to find Stan. Dipper sat Bill in his lap on the floor of the attic. He gave Bill the pyramid puzzle then started picking glass out of Bill’s fluffy blond hair. 

There are no words that can express how relieved he feels that Bill got out of this with no more than a few bruises. If Bill had gotten seriously hurt shit would have gone down and Gideon would not have made it out in one piece. He may not hurt children but as a demon all his morals have loopholes. 

Purposely seriously hurting Bill is the quickest way to void whatever moral was stopping Dipper from beating the shit out of someone.

It was peacefully quiet for a while except for the clicks coming from the pyramid as Bill pressed buttons. He wasn’t really focusing on what he’s doing. He was thinking about his and Dipper’s little fight. After thinking about it there was something he wanted to say.

“Hey pine tree, I’m not going to make you tell me what happened between you and the author if you don’t want me too. I just wanted to know both sides of the story. I’m sure whatever it was that happened, was an accident like you said. I trust you no matter what some book says and I know you don’t purposely hurt good people. Or, at the very least you try not to. I love and trust you no matter what you’ve done in the past. But… since you knew him… can I ask you about what he was like? Just little facts. You don’t have to give me any history.”

“Sure. I can do that.”  
Dipper agreed after a moment. Bill smiled.  
“Thank you. Did the author really have six fingers?”  
“On both hands.”  
“What’s his favorite color?”  
“He was awful fond of red back in the 80’s.”  
“Is he a good cook?”  
“Terrible. At least that’s what his assistant said. You know I don’t eat human food.”  
“What’d he look like?”  
“Think Stan but with good posture, fuller hair, and a cleft chin.”  
“Huh. Judging by the journal he doesn’t seem like much of a people person.”  
“He’s not. He’s a ‘science is my only love’ type person.”  
“Does he have a family?”  
“He did. He used to have two brothers. The elder one is dead now as are his parents.”  
“What about the other brother?”  
“His twin brother you mean? Yeah, they had a falling out many years ago before I even came to him. I’m not sure if the author still considers his twin family.”  
“That’s sad. Siblings are the best. I don’t know where I’d be without you and Mabel.”  
“You’d be dead.”  
“Probably. Ok definitely.”  
Bill was quiet a second.  
“Hey pine tree?”  
“Yeah?”  
“It’s probably stupid to even consider it a possibility but… Do you think I’ll ever meet the author?”  
“Hmm. Well, I wouldn’t get your hopes up but I wouldn’t rule it out either.”  
“That would be so cool! Then again, with the relationship you and he seem to share, it might not go that smoothly.”  
“Maybe not but I’m sure he wouldn’t take it out on you. You’ve done nothing to warrant a negative response. You’re just a kid.”  
“Maybe you could work things out.”  
“I would like to and it’s a nice thought but it’s not very likely.”  
“That’s unfortunate.”  
“It is.”  
There was another short pause.  
“I think you can do it, pine tree. I’ll even help. If we ever meet the author I’ll make sure he knows how great you are and how much you love and care for me. He’ll see you aren’t bad and you can talk things out.”  
Dipper smiled at Bill’s innocence to the situation.  
“You keep believing that, Bill. You keep believing that.”


	11. Dipper Plays for Personal Gain and Bill Experiences the Consequences of Possession

Tourists were looking around the overpriced gift shop. Bill was eating an ice cream in the corner while Wendy talked to Dipper who was leaning against the counter. She’d gotten over her initial hesitation and come to realize Dipper’s a pretty chill dude. 

He gets it and only goes in to parent mode when dealing with Mabel and Bill. Also at this point it’s pretty clear Dipper’s got no interest in hurting her. She can say and do pretty much anything and as long as Bill and Mabel remained unharmed Dipper’s completely cool with it.

While they’re talking, only stopping at short intervals so Wendy can do her job, Stan comes in with another group of tourists. He gives his line about buying souvenirs as the tourists sped out to buy things then looks around at the decently busy gift shop.

It looks like business is good. Everything is running smoothly or as smoothly as it can when the only one of his kids that shows up for work spends most of the day eating ice cream and the cashier is lazy. Actually, today Wendy looks less lazy and more… distracted. 

There’s a guy just standing there and talking to her. He looks in his 20’s which is a little old to be interested in a 15-year-old. Actually… wait. Isn’t that the guy that was smoking outside the shack around the time of the Gideon thing a week ago? What’s he doing back here and why’s he bothering Wendy?

“Hey Wendy, come here. Bill, take the register.”  
Bill shrugged and took over for Wendy while she went over to Stan. Stan pulled her out of the room.  
“What do you need Mr. Pines?”  
“Who’s that guy you’re talking to?”  
“You mean Dipper?”  
“Is he bothering you?”  
“No?”  
“You sure? He seems a little old to be hanging around talking to you.”  
“Yeah, he’s cool.”  
Stan looked at her closely trying to make sure she’s telling the truth. After a second he decided she was.  
“Alright, but I don’t want him distracting you from work. And if he gets to be a problem of any kind you tell me immediately, you understand? I’m not having anyone harassing my employees.”  
“Sure thing Mr. Pines.”  
“Good now get back to work before Bill causes trouble. He’s been extremely well behaved recently and I’m suspicious.”

Stan decided to walk back with her. This was partly because he had a couple words for Dipper about creeping on his employees and partly because he doesn’t trust Bill not to have pocketed some cash while no one was looking. 

The kids got a knack for swiping things that aren’t his. Stan taught him lock picking thinking it’d be a bonding moment, and it was, but now he can’t keep the kid out of anything. Bill even keeps a bobby pin with him now, just in case.

When they got back in the gift shop Dipper was gone. Stan hopes he stays gone because if this Dipper hangs around too much there’s going to be a problem. Wendy took over the cash register again and Stan pulled Bill to the side.

“Ok kid, empty your pockets.”  
“Grunkle Stan, are you accusing me, a poor innocent child, of stealing? You wound me good sir.”  
Bill said in equal parts over dramatic and fake innocence. Stan wasn’t amused.  
“Bill, empty ‘em. Now.”  
Bill rolled his eye, dropping the act.  
“Fine.”  
Bill reached in his pockets and pulled out a pack of gum, some colorful rocks, various types of candy, three teeth, and about $30 dollars. Stan doesn’t want to know where he got the teeth.  
“I suppose you want the cash back?”  
“Yeah.”  
Bill stuffed everything back in his pockets, which had to be deeper than they looked, but gave Stan the cash. It’s probably a blessing Bill will generally return what he took if asked.  
“Where’d you get all that stuff?”  
“Woods mostly but the gum and candy pine tree got me. He doesn’t like me stealing.”  
“Pine tree?”  
“Yep.”  
“You ever going to explain who pine tree is?”  
“He’d prefer not to be explained. By me. If you ever meet him I’m sure he’d love to spend 3 hours info-dumping an explanation about himself. Can I go now?”  
“One more thing. That guy that was talking to Wendy, did he talk to you?”  
“Not really. He left for a smoke after Wendy left and hasn’t come back.”  
“Alright, go.”

Bill went off back to the gift shop. Stan went to give another tour. When Bill came back the gift shop had cleared out and Wendy looked kind of bored since Dipper still wasn’t back from his smoke break. Bill went up to her instead.

He thinks Wendy’s pretty cool. He likes listening to her talk about all the fun stupid teenager stuff she and her friends do that Dipper would probably never let him be a part of. He’s not going to try and tag along without Dipper’s permission either since he knows the mess that would end up being. 

He’s still grounded from the last time he went someplace without telling Dipper. He also almost died because he didn’t tell Dipper where he was going. So, lesson learned there. Bill leaned against the counter casually but he’s 12 and the counter is tall so it goes up to his shoulder which makes it a little hard to look cool.

“Hey Wendy, since there’s no customers, are your friends doing anything cool you can tell me about?”  
Wendy thought a moment.  
“Uh, after work they’re picking me up and we’re going to the abandoned convenience store.”  
“Oh my god, are you going to break in? Please say you’re going to break in.”  
Wendy laughed a little because Bill just looked so excited by this.  
“Well, it’d be kinda dumb to go just to look at the outside of the building.”  
“That sounds like so much fun. I want to go with you so bad but I’m sure pine tree would never let me.”  
“What wouldn’t I let you do?”  
Dipper said as he walked up to them.  
“Wendy’s going to break into an abandoned convenience store with her friends and I want to go but there’s no way you’d let me.”  
Bill said. Dipper considered for a second then shrugged.  
“Nah, you can go if Wendy’s cool with it.”  
Bill perked up.  
“Really? I can go?”  
“Yeah, on the condition that I go with you. Just because I said you can go doesn’t mean you’re going alone. The final say is Wendy’s though.”  
Bill looked at Wendy with a grin.  
“Wendy, I’m cashing in my favor.”  
Dipper looked at Bill.  
“Wait. Favor? Bill, have you been making deals with people so they’d owe you a favor?”  
“Yes. I’m putting everything in writing too so they can’t back out.”  
Wendy thought Dipper would be disapproving since he’s always trying to get Bill to be good but Dipper was grinning and looked really pleased.  
“Good job! I’m proud of you. You’re taking what I’ve taught you and put it to good use. Just don’t get in over your head.”  
Bill beamed at the praise then turned back to Wendy.  
“So, we good?”  
“Yeah.”  
Bill pumped his fists in the air.  
“Yes!”  
Wendy looked at Dipper.  
“You’re going to have to help me persuade my friends. You’re an adult and they’re not gonna like that.”  
Dipper nodded.  
“I understand, but sweet talking teenagers is hardly a difficult task.”

-

Wendy was ready to go she was just waiting for Bill. She’s texted her friends the slight change in plans. The group chat was very disapproving. She made it clear she didn’t have other options here. Bill finally came back this time with his backpack.

“Ok, I told Stan I’m going out and I have my backpack so I can take things from the store. I’m ready.”  
“Did you bring your journal?”  
Dipper asked.  
“No. I don’t need it and I have more room for contraband this way. Don’t worry, I hid it.”

Bill replied. Dipper shrugged. Works for him. They followed Wendy outside the shack. There was a van parked out there and a bunch of teenagers were throwing pine cones at the totem pole. They probably got bored of waiting. 

They greeted Wendy happily but didn’t seem to be as excited to see Bill and Dipper. Bill was too excited to be fazed by the hostility and Dipper really didn’t give a shit about any of them or their opinions. They walked over to the group.

“So, we’re seriously letting a little kid and his brother or something come with us?”  
Wendy sighed.  
“Robbie, I told you I owe Bill and Dipper won’t let Bill go unless he comes with. My hands are tied.”  
“It’s going to be lame if there’s an adult with us. He’s probably going to be on us about safety and rules.”  
Dipper rolled his eyes.  
“Look, I literally do not care about any of you. I’m just here for Bill.”  
“Yeah sure. You’re an adult. You don’t get us teens.”  
“I’m not going to cramp that emo style you’ve got going on. I’m not going to ruin your fun.”  
“I don’t believe that.”  
Dipper sighed. Robbie is annoying in both universes. Wendy looked from Robbie to Dipper.  
“Dipper I thought you were good at this?”  
The look Dipper gave Wendy made everyone take a couple steps back. Bill face palmed.  
“Wendy, don’t tell him he’s bad at what he does unless you want to aggravate him. This is pine tree 101! Not much makes him mad but that’s one of the things that does. He obviously just doesn’t want to put effort into this.”  
Dipper took a minute to calm down a little before speaking.  
“Ok, Robbie, Nate, Lee, Tambry, Thompson, I’m going to tell you something and I need you to listen.”  
Tambry didn’t look up from her phone. Dipper didn’t have time for this so he just snapped and the phone shut down.  
“Hey! It won’t turn back on.”  
“I’ll turn it back on after you pay attention.”  
Dipper said. All the teens looked at Dipper wondering how he apparently turned Tambry’s phone off.

“Now that I have your attention I would like to say, I don’t care about you or what you do. I only care about Bill and his sister. You could murder someone while I’m standing three feet away and, as long as Bill and his sister aren’t hurt, I couldn’t care less. Honestly, I wouldn’t even call the police. I care that little. So, I’m not going to hurt your fun. I’m not going to bother with anything you do. You’re hardly interesting as far as mortals go and certainly not worth my time. Which I have to point out is a bigger insult as, unlike yours, my life is not on a time limit. I’m only here for Bill. Do you understand?”

“Yeah.”  
“Sure.”  
“Got it.”  
Dipper nodded, feeling like he got his point across.  
“Alright, good. Tambry, you can have your phone back now.”

Dipper snapped and Tambry’s phone turned back on like nothing happened. The teens were kind of getting the feeling Dipper is something else so they didn’t do any more complaining. Everyone got in the van. Bill and Dipper got the very back seat.

“Bill, put on your seat belt.”  
“Yeah, yeah.”

Thompson turned on the car.  
“Uh, is everyone buckled?”  
Several of the teens rolled their eyes but everyone put on their seat belt. Nate glanced back at the two boys in the backseat.  
“Dipper’s not buckled.”  
“My body isn’t real. It’s a projection. I don’t need a seatbelt.”  
“Uh…”  
“Thompson, just drive the car.”

-

Bill was out but Stan had to wait until Mabel went to her sleepover before he could snoop. He went to the attic room. He had to be very careful not to make it seem like the place had been searched. Stan doesn’t know if Bill took the journal with him but if he didn’t this might be Stan’s only chance to get it.

Stan doesn’t want to steel from Bill but he needs the book. After a lot of searching Stan found the book under a couple loose floorboards with a collection of other books. Stan had to take a moment. He was so close. 30 years and he was finally so close. He took the book out of the room.

He’d figured out how to hopefully avoid having Bill ever know Stan had the book. He took it to his copy machine and started copying all the pages. He doesn’t know when Bill will be back and hopes the kid doesn’t get back until he’s done. 

-

Bill bounced in his seat and looked at all the in-car graffiti. He pulled a gold sharpie out of his backpack and drew a couple eyes in free spaces. The teens talked amongst themselves and Dipper is suddenly thankful he got to skip his awkward/angsty teen years.

“Holy crap, will you please stop thinking about all the weird stuff I’ve said. Your thoughts are loud as shit and it’s annoying. If you’re curious just ask.”

Dipper said after 15 minutes of hearing the same questions going through each teens head. He may still be a little ticked off that he was told he’s bad at his job. He takes pride in his work and doesn’t appreciate being told he’s bad at something he knows he’s perfected. He may have a small issue with letting go of things sometimes. 

The teens were a little quiet for a second.

“You make it sound like you can read our thoughts.”  
“That’s because I can.”  
“Does that mean you’re a psychic?”  
“No.”   
“He’s a demon guys.”  
Bill said before this conversation started going in circles.   
“He’s still a little annoyed that Wendy said he wasn’t good at convincing people. He’s usually pretty even tempered but telling him he’s bad at things is just a quick way to piss him off so he’s kinda bitchy right now.”  
Dipper groaned.  
“Are we almost there yet? I need a smoke and don’t want to light up in the car.”  
“We’re here.”

Everyone got out and approached the fence. Glances were cast at Dipper who was looking for his cigarettes. The result seemed to be he didn’t have any on him which didn’t seem to improve his mood. He settled on crossing his arms and waiting.

“There it is. The abandoned convenience store.”  
“Are we going to climb the fence?”  
Bill asked hopefully.  
“Well, duh.”  
Robbie replied rather rudely. Bill didn’t notice.  
“Do you need help climbing little dude?”  
Lee asked Bill.   
“You act like I’ve never scaled a fence before.”

Bill said then proceeded to climb the fence and get to the other side without a problem. The other teens climbed the fence after him. Dipper just teleported to the other side. The all go up to the doors to find them locked. 

“It’s locked. How are we going to get in?”  
Wendy asked. Robbie tried to force it open but it didn’t work. Bill maneuvered his way to the front and examined the lock.  
“I got this.”

He pulled a bobby pin out of his hair. He always keeps one there just in case he needs to pick a lock. He worked at it for a few minutes then put the bobby pin back in his hair and pushed open the door. The teens were mildly impressed. 

“Whoo!”  
“Nice.”  
“Kid’s got a skill.”  
Bill was happy with the praise. Dipper walked inside behind them.  
“He’s also a budding kleptomaniac so I’d watch your wallets.”

Now that they were in everyone went to cause chaos. Dipper went for the counter that held the cigarettes. He was much happier after he got a smoke. Nate kind of just backed away when he saw Dipper lighting his cigarette with blue fire instead of a lighter.

The teens were throwing things around and making a big mess. As promised Dipper said nothing and clearly didn’t care. He told Bill he shouldn’t eat the food since it’s about 30 years old. Bill still finished the bag of cheese bootles he’d opened.

The teens ended up being cool with Bill. He’s a fun morally grey kid who down for almost anything, dangerous or not, as long as it’s fun. Dipper kind of just chilled and let them have fun. Bill turned a corner then skidded to a halt. His eyes widened.

“Smile Dip!”  
Bill ran over to the stand.  
“They must have banned this stuff after the store closed.”

Bill shoveled as much as he could into his backpack before ripping a pack open. He licked the candy stick and dipped it in the sugar. After licking it off he tossed the stick and poured the sugar directly into his mouth, only after did he remember Dipper told him not to eat the stuff in the store. 

Bill looked around. 

Well, Dipper’s not nearby so it’s not like he’ll know if he only eats a few packs…

Dipper was casually scratching off all the lottery tickets located behind the check-out counter. He’s using math to try and predict if a ticket is a winner or not. He’s got a pretty good success rate. If he was doing this for money and these were still valid he’d have won about 15k by now.

“Hey, it’s Dipper, right?”  
Dipper glanced up to see Robbie trying to act chill.  
“Yes. Do you need something?”  
“So, Bill said you’re a demon.”  
“That is correct.”  
“So, you know a lot.”  
“I know everything.”  
“And you talk to Wendy a lot, right?”  
“Talking to her is more interesting than watching Bill eat ice cream. So, I suppose I do.”  
“Can I ask you a question then?”  
“You’ve already asked me four questions in the past five minutes. I don’t see why you are asking for permission now.”  
“Right. So, uh, can you tell me if she’d say yes if I asked her out?”  
Dipper perked up and Robbie didn’t know why or how to feel about that.  
“Hmm. Well I can certainly tell you what I know on this subject. However, you’re asking for sensitive information and that doesn’t come free. Are you prepared to make a deal?”  
Robbie hesitated. Dipper was grinning and waiting patiently for his answer. Finally something fun was happening.  
“Well, what do you want for telling me what you know?”  
“Oh, let’s see. What can I take from you that would be of value to me? Oh, I know. I want your dreams.”  
“My dreams?”  
“I haven’t eaten any dreams in quite a while. Eating all of yours at once will be a treat but don’t worry, you won’t even notice they’re gone.”   
“That price seems a little high for what I want.”  
Dipper’s demeanor changed to cool and friendly. He leaned casually against the counter with a smile and engaged and non-threatening body language. 

“Deals with demons are unfair in the demon’s favor by their very nature, kid. It isn’t possible for the terms to truly be balanced. It’s not like you’re going to notice your dreams are gone anyway. When you wake up in the mornings it’ll just be like you can’t remember what you dreamed about. Just in this case you won’t remember because it didn’t happen.”

“Well…” 

“So in reality I’m honestly not asking for that much. After all, I could be asking for your memories. Plus, remember what you’re getting out of it, everything I know on the subject of Wendy’s attraction to you and the relationship possibilities.”

“I mean-”   
“Don’t you want that assurance? Of course, you do buddy and having made a deal with a demon and survived can give you serious cred in some circles. Now, do we have a deal or not?”

Dipper was smooth talking and was doing it very well, not giving Robbie time to voice objections or concerns. He’s been doing this for millennia after all. Robbie hesitated for just a few moments then held out his hand.

“Deal?”  
He didn’t sound 100% confident in his decision but that doesn’t make the deal any less valid so Dipper doesn’t care. Whether Robbie regrets the deal or not isn’t his problem.  
“Good choice my friend.”  
Dipper took Robbie’s hand and blue fire consumed the hand shake. A palm sized ball of light appeared in Dipper’s other hand. Dipper let go of Robbie’s hand.  
“Pleaser doing business with you.”  
Dipper took a bite of the ball in his hand and ate it thoughtfully.  
“For an angsty teen your dreams are awful sweet.”  
“Hey, are you going to tell me what I want to know?”

“Oh right. I’m not particularly interested in any of you as you’re all rather mediocre as far as humans go so Wendy and I don’t talk about any of you. In other words, I don’t care enough to know if she likes you. As far as relationship chances go, the rate of you getting together in alternate dimensions is equal to the rate of you not getting together. I can’t see the future so your chances with her in this one is probably about 50/50.”

Dipper took another bite of Robbie’s dreams. Robbie looked mad.  
“You cheated me!”  
“No I didn’t.”  
“Yes, you did! You said you knew these answers.”  
“Incorrect. I said I’d tell you what I knew on the subject and I did. I never once claimed I had the exact information you were looking for.”  
“You tricked me.”  
Dipper finished off the last of Robbie’s dreams before answering.

“Ok, I will admit to that one but are you really surprised? I am a demon after all. Plus, I told you up front that deals with demons will never be in your favor. I’m not sure why you thought I wouldn’t take advantage of you. You aren’t under my protection like Bill is so I have no reason to treat you fairly.”

Robbie balled his fists but he realized there’s nothing he can do. Dipper’s on a different level than he is and his dreams are already gone. Instead of retaliating he turned and stomped off, trying to ignore how smug Dipper looked. 

Dipper watched him go. What he did was probably mean but he’s really bored right now. Plus, why pass up a chance to make a deal with someone new? Making deals is in his nature as a demon as is using those deals to take advantage of people. 

While he usually tries to use his advantages for good sometimes he does play for personal gain too, like just now. Honestly, Bill is the only one he’s ever played fair with. Or, as fair as he can get it at least. He’d play fair for Mabel too but she’s never been interested in making deals with him.

After about 45 minutes the group of teens had gathered nearby. They were looking at the tape outlines on the ground next to the counter. Dipper was still behind the counter, taking another smoke break, and just observed. 

“They say the old owners were murdered right here.”  
Nate said.  
“Thompson, lay down in the outline.”  
Thompson looked a little nervous.  
“I don’t know you guys.”  
“Come on, quit being a scaredy-cat.”  
The group started chanting Thompson. Dipper leaned on the counter.  
“Where’s Bill?”  
All the teens gave I don’t know replies.  
“Ok. Please proceed with what you were doing.”

The teens went back to chanting until Thompson lay down in the outline. Dipper put out his cigarette then went to look for Bill. After about 8 minutes he found Bill’s backpack by the smile dip stand. Dipper groaned. Of course Bill would target the smile dip. 

He picked up the backpack then there was a commotion on the other side of the store. Clearly the teens were in panic. He casually started walking towards it. When he got there Tambry was in her phone, Thompson was in DDR, and Nate was a hotdog. The other teens were freaking out. Bill was being possessed currently. Dipper, the calmest person in the room, sighed and shoved the backpack in Wendy’s arms.

“Hold this.”  
Wendy looked at him clearly hoping he had a plan. Dipper walked until he could face Bill. Poor kid’s going to feel like crap after this.  
“Hey, ma and pa, right? Can you calm down for five seconds? I want to have a civilized conversation. So, can you please quit hiding behind a child so we can talk.”  
Dipper was noticed and the ghosts, an old couple, materialized, still holding Bill.  
“Oh, a teenager wants to have a civilized conversation?”  
Pa said.  
“Ok, first of all, I’m an adult not a teen and the child you’re holding is 12 so he’s not a teen either. Now I would appreciate it if you let everyone go and put the child down gently. If you do we’ll leave. Alright?”  
“You’re an adult. Aren’t you tired of teenagers? Back when we were alive-”

“Sorry to interrupt, but I don’t give a shit about your tragic back story. I was going to be civil but getting what I want that way is clearly going to take longer than I care to spend on this. So, I’m going to make this clear. I don’t actually need your help getting the teens back. I just want your cooperation so all parties can leave in one peace. If you aren’t willing to accept my proposal this isn’t going to end well for you.”

“Are you threatening us?”  
Dipper snapped and the trapped teens were released and joined their friends in hiding behind Dipper.  
“Yes I am. Now are you going to let Bill down and let us go or am I going to have to force you?”  
“You can’t force us.”  
Dipper sent up blue fire all around the store and shot the front doors off their hinges. He’s lost patience with this. The teens got the message and quickly fled the building.  
“Now unhand my child!”

The ghosts dropped Bill. Dipper quickly moved and caught the child. He also snapped once, doing something that won’t be noticeable until the ghosts try to run. Dipper carried Bill out of the building then sent up more fire. He’s burning the entire building to the ground along with the ghosts.

Dipper walked a decent way away to the grass where the teens were camped watching the fire with both fear an aw. Dipper had used the same magic fire that burned the Pines’ house down so the store was already consumed and burning in record time. 

Dipper set Bill down and sat next to him on his knees, checking him over. It didn’t take long before Bill regained consciousness. 

“Ugh, I feel sick.”  
“Of course, you feel sick. You ate a bunch of smile dip and were possessed. Now do you hurt anywhere?”  
Dipper said. Bill looked at him.  
“My stomach hurts and so does my head but that’s about it. Why is the building on fire?”  
“I’m killing some ghosts.”  
“Oh.”  
Dipper stood.  
“Alright. We’re all going home now, agreed?”

The teens didn’t hold any objections and neither did Bill. The teens now held some respect and a decent amount of fear for Dipper. He’s usually extremely chill but do not piss him off. Everyone scaled the fence and went back to the van. Dipper teleported Bill to the other side.

The teens dropped Bill and Dipper off at the shack. Wendy gave Dipper the backpack back. Dipper took Bill inside and up to his bedroom. Bill didn’t complain and just went to bed. He doesn’t feel good at all. Dipper was sympathetic.

“Have fun?”  
“Yeah, until the end.”  
“I know buddy. Possession isn’t fun and all that smile dip isn’t going to help but you’ll feel better in the morning.”  
“Alright. Wasn’t burning the store down a little excessive?”  
“No. Maybe. They possessed you. I was mad. You know I have a problem with possession.”  
“Yeah… Hey pine tree, my head really hurts. Can you fix that?”  
“I get you something for it.”

Dipper got Bill some Advil for his headache and Bill went to sleep right after. Dipper perched on Mabel’s bed, since she was at a sleepover, to watch over Bill. After an hour, Stan came in. Dipper was still invisible to him so he just watched as he put journal 3 in the book spot under the floor, clearly trying not to wake Bill up.

Dipper frowned. How many of the journals does Stan have? Is he going to have to deal with Ford again? Dipper needs to check something. He teleported to the basement and after a short search found journal one and two and a pile of copied pages from journal 3.

It’s going to happen and it’s going to happen sooner than Dipper would like.

He _really_ doesn’t want to see Ford.


	12. Stan Vs. Dipper

Stan is at his limit. He sees Dipper hanging around a couple more times. He hasn’t done anything yet since Wendy and Bill swear that he’s fine and technically he’s not actually doing anything wrong. He may talk to Wendy but he doesn’t keep her from work. 

He’s just seems to be hanging out. Stan’s never once seen him in one of his tour groups. Well, if he’s not here to spend money he needs to leave and stay gone and Stan’s got half a mind to tell him so to his face. Actually, he is going to say it to his face.

The Mystery Shack is a business not a hangout place.

Stan looked into the gift shop. It was empty except for Wendy… and Dipper. They weren’t even chatting. Wendy had a magazine and Dipper was looking at how many cigarettes he had in the pack he had on hand. 

Perfect.

Stan walked into the room and headed for Dipper.

“Hey, what do you think you’re doing here?”  
Dipper looked up.  
“Waiting.”  
“You need to leave. I’m tired of you hanging around and bothering my employees. You don’t even buy anything. You just stand there.”  
“Mm. I don’t think I’m bothering anyone.”  
Stan was about to respond but was interrupted by Bill rocketing into the room and right up to Dipper, not even noticing Stan.  
“Hey pine tree, I’m ready!”

Ok, Bill’s clearly about to go hang out with this adult Stan knows nothing about. Now it’s personal. Stan grabbed Bill by the backpack and pulled him away from Dipper until Bill was positioned where Stan could protect him. 

Sensing shit was about to go down, Wendy excused herself from the room. She’s seen Dipper mad once and doesn’t want to see it a second time. Hopefully this time it won’t end in a burned down building. This is Bill’s home, though, so Dipper probably has the sense not to set the shack on fire. Probably.

Soos was in the living room watching TV with Mabel. He’s been informed about Dipper at this point but had yet to meet him in person. Wendy joined them, making herself comfortable on the floor, and warned them about the impending disaster.

Back in the gift shop, Stan was pissed.

“It’s one thing to be hanging around all the time but interacting with my 12-year-old nephew is another. You shouldn’t be anywhere near him. He called you pine tree too. He’s constantly talking about somebody named pine tree. You must have been bothering him for a while but I’m not going to let you prey on my nephew anymore!”

Bill didn’t know what to do but Dipper was calm. He put his pack of cigarettes in his shirt pocket.

“I like how protective you are of your family but you have the wrong idea here. I’m not preying on Bill or Wendy or anyone. I have no harmful intentions. I’m just here to protect him.”  
“He’s plenty protected without you. Get out before I call the police.”  
“I see you aren’t easily reasoned with. If you call the police they will think you’re going crazy. They can’t arrest what they can’t see.”  
“What?”  
“Um, pine tree can turn invisible.”  
Bill piped up nervously.  
“Humans can’t turn invisible, Bill.”  
Stan said.  
“I know that, but pine tree’s… not human.”  
“Wait, what? Bill what are you…”  
Stan trailed off as he observed Dipper summon a ball of blue flame in his palm. Stan’s eyes narrowed.  
“Who are you really?”  
Dipper made the fire go away.  
“You can call me Dipper. I’m Bill’s demonic guardian. I’ve always been there protecting Bill, and Mabel by extension. I’m not preying on them. I’m the only reason they’re alive.”  
“Oh yeah?”  
“How do you think they made it out of the fire? I rescued them.”  
“Well you’ve done your job then now you can leave my family alone. They’re safe with me. We don’t need you.”  
“I’m not leaving. It’s my job to protect Bill and I take my job very seriously. You don’t have a say.”  
“You aren’t taking my nephew anywhere.”  
Dipper sighed.  
“Bill, when this is sorted out I’ll take you and your sister to laser tag.”  
Bill lit up.  
“Really?!”  
“I promise, but for today it doesn’t look like we’re going anywhere.”  
“Alright…”  
Bill really doesn’t like the arguing, and looked like he kind of wanted a hug. Dipper would have gladly given him one but Stan was in the way and doing his best to be a wall.  
“Quit talking to my nephew!”  
“I won’t be leaving and I will be talking to Bill. You’re just going to have to get used to it.”

There was the slightest amount of venom in Dipper’s voice. Stan pulled back a fist to punch him but Dipper disappeared. Stan swung anyway just in case he was still there but his fist hit only air. He started looking around the room.

“He’s not here anymore, Grunkle Stan.”

Bill said. He wasn’t happy anymore. This isn’t like the other times Dipper’s reveled himself or been found out. Stan’s ready to fight Dipper and while it’s nice to know that Stan loves him enough to be willing to fist fight a demon to protect him, he knows how Dipper gets when his ability to protect is threatened.

If there are two things Dipper does not tolerate it’s people hurting or trying to hurt Bill and people trying to keep Bill away from him. Bill doesn’t want Stan or Dipper hurt or kept away but he doesn’t think there’s anything he can do but watch this play out. 

He doesn’t like this. He doesn’t like this at all.

“Ok, Bill, we need to talk. Follow me.”

Stan said. Knowing there was nothing he could say to make it better, Bill quietly followed Stan. With dread, he watched Stan flip all the signs in the Mystery Shack to closed even though it was hardly 2 in the afternoon. This is bad. They stopped in the living room and everyone looked at Stan.

“Wendy, from now on if you see Dipper again don’t interact, just tell me immediately. Now we’re closing early so get going. I need to have a conversation with Bill. Mabel you’re not out of the woods either but I’m talking to both of you separately.”

Wendy, Soos, and Mabel glanced at each other. Stan’s closing the shack early. That’s unheard of. This is serious. Wendy gave Bill a sympathetic look then left. Soos left next after Mabel promised to explain later. Stan told Mabel to stay then took Bill to his office.

He flipped on the light and closed the door. Bill stood quietly not really sure what to expect. Was Stan going to yell? Was he in trouble? He felt like crying. Stan stood in front of him and looked real stern but then it broke and Stan sighed as his shoulder relaxed just a little. 

He can see that if he gets really mad or yells Bill’s going to start crying. He’s got to handle this calmly or nothing will get done and the only result will be a crying child. Though he’s never personally seen Bill cry, according to Mabel if he does and it’s handled wrong everything becomes complete chaos. Nothing will calm him down and he will hide and be upset until he can’t cry anymore. 

Stan doesn’t want that.

He got on Bill’s level.

“Bill, what were you thinking?”  
Stan spoke calmly. Bill looked at him and, though he looked upset, when he spoke his voice was nervous but steady.  
“What do you mean?”  
“Than thing, Dipper, he’s an adult. You’re a 12-year-old. You can’t go off and hang out with random people like that, especially when they’re much older than you.”  
“Pine tree isn’t a random adult though.”  
“Bill he’s taking advantage of you. I don’t know what he wants from you yet but adults don’t hang out with children that aren’t theirs without a motive.”  
“No, he’s not taking advantage of me.”  
“Look, you’re naïve, you may not see it yet but-”  
“NO! I mean, no. He’s not a stranger and he’s not using me.”  
“Bill-”  
“Grunkle Stan, listen! He’s been with me since I turned 3. He’s been protecting me my whole life. I’d be dead if I didn’t have him.”  
“So, he’s been telling you without him you’d be dead? That sounds manipulative.”

“I mean, yeah, but it’s not manipulative. It’s a fact. Between ghosts trying to kill me and Gideon trying to kill me and me being reckless and putting myself in danger, not to mention the universe monsters that are out for my head, I actually end up in a lot of mortal peril.”

Stan looked at Bill for a second.  
“That guy’s really warped your head. I’m never letting him back in here.”  
“You can’t do that! I need him. He’s my friend.”  
“Bill, listen-”  
“He raised me!”  
Bill yelled, the tears were in his eyes. Stan was slightly taken aback. 

“I- I mean, mom and dad raised me too and they did a good job but I’m not easy. I know I’m not easy. Pine tree kept me safe and kept an eye on me when mom and dad couldn’t. He takes care of me and pulls pranks with me and teaches me new things. He’s my big brother.”

Stan ran a hand over his face.  
“Get your sister I want to talk to her now.”

Bill sniffed, trying really hard not to cry, then nodded and left the office. He’s losing. Stan didn’t believe a word he said. He doesn’t know what to do and really needs a hug specifically from Dipper. He knows Dipper would never leave him but if things aren’t worked out living here will be hell.

Bill won’t be able to handle the constant arguing. He doesn’t understand why they can’t all just be happy together. Dipper doesn’t have bad intentions he just wants to care for Bill. As soon as Mabel saw Bill she knew things went badly. 

He was clearly very upset and when he told her to go talk to Stan in his office he sounded like he was about to burst into tears. Mabel gave her brother a hug. Bill and Dipper are super close and Dipper being taken away would tear him apart.

“It’s ok Bill. Everything will work out. Dipper would never leave you.”  
“I- I know. He p-promised me he’d never l-leave. I just really d-don’t like this.”  
“Just try to relax, ok? Dipper will be back soon.”

Bill went and curled in a ball on the recliner. Mabel put the TV remote within his reach then left to go talk to Stan. Honestly, she was mad. No one makes her brother cry and gets away with it so she had a couple choice words for her Grunkle.

Bill stayed curled up in the chair trying real hard not to cry. After a little while he felt someone run their fingers through his hair like they were trying to comfort him but when he looked up he didn’t see anyone. His pine tree pillow was now next to him though.

“P-pine tree? Pine tree are you there?”

No one answered him. He was alone. Bill’s lip trembled then he burst into tears. He hugged his pine tree pillow. It was currently his only comfort. Eventually Mabel came back only to go on red alert when she saw Bill crying. 

She sat next to him on the recliner to try and comfort him. Bill let her hug him but wished she was Dipper. It’s not that Mabel’s hugs weren’t great or comforting, he loves her hugs and she does often make him feel better, but right now he just really needs to feel like Dipper is there. 

He needs Dipper with him and to be told by Dipper that he’s never going away no matter what Stan thinks. Dipper’s not here though. Bill doesn’t know where he is and normally that wouldn’t bother him but in this case, it’s distressing. 

Stan came in and saw Bill crying but when he went over Bill fled the room. Stan’s the reason for all this and Bill doesn’t want to be near him right now. Mabel stops Stan from going to look for Bill. It’s best to just leave him be at this point. 

-

Bill woke up lovingly tucked in to his bed. He doesn’t remember going to the attic or falling asleep. He’s pretty sure he hid in the hollow in the cashier’s counter in the gift shop. Dipper must have made him go to sleep and moved him but he didn’t seem to have stayed around.

Bill sighed. It’s nice to know he’s still paying attention but Bill would much prefer how it was before. He liked being able to see and interact with Dipper. Hopefully it won’t be this way for long. Bill didn’t feel like going down for dinner so he just stayed in his room.

Several days passed and Bill was managing but he wasn’t alright. Dipper hadn’t shown up again and Bill was worried because he’s never been absent this long before. Sure, Dipper can leave for several hours at a time but never for three days.

Bill’s protection necklace is out of power but he hasn’t seen a monster so Dipper must have done something to keep them away before he left. Bill was in the gift shop when he was nudged by something invisible. 

It tugged on his shirt sleeve and he heard the words living room being said in Dipper’s voice. No one else seemed to have heard or noticed anything so he quietly snuck out of the gift shop and went to the living room. To his relief and delight Dipper was in the recliner.

“Pine tree!”

Bill ran to the recliner and climbed into Dipper’s lap, immediately hugging him and cuddling as close as he could. Dipper’s arms went around him and Bill was the happiest he’s been in four days. Dipper held him and pet his hair and let Bill cling to him.

“Miss me Bill?”  
“You have no idea. Why were you gone so long?”  
“I was giving Stan time to cool off and making a plan.”  
“Was part of your plan having me get real upset because you were gone for longer than you’ve ever been without any contact? I didn’t know if you were going to come back.”  
“You know I will always come back.”  
“I know… I just thought you might be thinking of just doing invisible behind the scenes protection and I’d never get to see you again or talk to you or hug you and we’d never get to hang out again. I don’t want that to happen.”  
Dipper hugged Bill a little tighter.

“Bill, you don’t have to worry about me ever doing that. I tried that when you were a toddler and it didn’t work. You would start bawling your eyes out anytime you couldn’t see me. Now I’ve been with you for almost a decade so it’s far too late and we’re far too close for me to try the silent protector approach again. I love you and I’ll always come back.”

“I love you too pine tree.”  
“I’m sorry I was gone for so long but I also think it’s important Stan sees me being gone affects you negatively. His actions are coming from the right place but he’s got the situation wrong.”  
Bill felt better now that Dipper was back.  
“Did I really cry every time I couldn’t see you when I was little?”  
“Yep. Your parent couldn’t figure out why one minute you’d be happy and the next you’d be crying and asking for pine tree. The eventually figured out they could pacify you if they brought you your pillow.”  
“Wow.”  
“Mm-hm. I think you imprinted on me when you saw me the first time. So, I’m not surprised by how upset you get when I’m gone for too long.”  
“Well, even if you’re not right next to me you’re always at least around so I feel like something must really be going wrong if you have to leave for a long time.”  
Dipper was quiet for a moment.

“Bill, things can’t always go smoothly. To get things worked out sometimes the best thing to do is for me to leave for a little bit and let things cool off. That means sometimes you won’t see me for a little while. I want you to know even if I have to leave for a bit everything will be ok and I will be back, alright? You’re my kid and nothing and no one can keep me from you.”

“Alright. Can we watch TV together?”  
“Sure.”

Bill and Dipper watched TV since by now Bill was no longer grounded. Bill never left Dipper’s lap the whole time, not that Dipper minded. If his child needed some intimacy with him, he wasn’t going to deny him that. 

Plus, he missed Bill too. The whole time he was gone his mind was on Bill and fixing the situation so Bill won’t have to suffer. Bill is his child. Dipper may not have legal custody, since he’s not a real person, but Bill belongs to him. 

He doesn’t mean that like he owns Bill, people aren’t possessions, but as far as he’s concerned, Bill is his baby. The blond trouble maker currently cuddled up to him is his son. Dipper’s not sure when he got this attached but he is. Bill is the most important thing in his life.

What that means towards the prospect of one day returning home he’s not sure. Maybe he’ll take Bill with him. He doesn’t know and is choosing not to think about it. He doesn’t want to leave Bill but he’s been waiting and wanting to go home for a couple trillion years. He misses his family and friends terribly. 

It’s one hell of a choice and he still doesn’t know what he’d choose. It scares him. It scares him that all the promises he’s made Bill about always being there might end up being lies. He’ll only get one chance to see the people he cares about again. Can he give that up? He doesn’t know.

At a certain point, Mabel came in and joined them in watching TV. She was happy to see Dipper too and even happier to see her brother smiling again. It feels like it’s been forever since he felt ok. Mabel managed to squeeze in next to Dipper on the recliner. 

Dipper put an arm around her as if to let her know she’s not being forgotten. Dipper cares for her too. Mabel pressed into his side. She may not need him like Bill does but he’s still a comfort and things feel wrong for her too when he’s gone for so long.

At the end of the work day Stan came into the living room to find his niece and nephew in his chair with Dipper. He should have figured Dipper wouldn’t stay away forever. Stan stocked over but all Dipper did was look at him with a finger over his lips and make a shushing noise.

Bill, having had many late nights worrying, was asleep still in Dipper’s lap.

“Give me the kid and get out.”  
Stan commanded but quietly. Dipper looked at Bill then back at Stan.  
“No.”  
“You need to leave the kids alone.”  
“No.”  
“Get out of my house!”  
“No. Bill is my kid and I’m not leaving him.”

The argument escalated from there and Bill woke up. The fight made him upset so Dipper immediately switched his attention from Stan so he could calm Bill down. After that he left for a while so as to keep from stressing Bill out more. 

He was back the next day and prepared for all-out war. 

His plan was simple. As much as he’d like to, Stan can’t actually keep him out, plain and simple, so he’s going to assert this fact until Stan gives in. Dipper explained this to the kids so they’re prepared. There will be yelling.

Stan tried everything up to hiring an exorcist. Of course, it was Ringo and as soon as he saw it was Dipper he was hired to get rid of, he turned on his heel and left only pausing to tell Stan no exorcist is going to help him with this one and he’s on his own.

It all came to a head when Stan and Dipper’s arguing got too much for Bill and he started crying again. Everything stopped. Stan still didn’t know how to appropriately handle Bill crying but Dipper did. In seconds Dipper had abandoned the argument and was on the ground hugging Bill.

“Shh, sweetheart, it’s alright, it’s alright. I’m here, it’s ok.”  
Bill buried his face in Dipper’s flannel, even though it smooshed his glasses into his face uncomfortably, and hugged him while Dipper rubbed his back.  
“This is upsetting you too much to continue so we’re going to find a solution right now. There won’t be any more arguing, ok? No more worrying and I won’t be gone anymore. Everything will be ok.”

Dipper said and did all the right things and Stan got to watch Bill calm down before his eyes. Dipper didn’t let go until Bill was ready. When he did, he made sure Bill was ok before getting up and approaching Stan again.

“I didn’t want it to come to this but the conflict is too much for Bill. So, let’s work out a deal.”

Stan crossed his arms and his eyes narrowed. He can’t deny the kids are attached to Dipper or that Dipper is really good with them. He doesn’t like upsetting Bill either so, he’ll hear Dipper out but he’s not promising anything else.

“What kind of deal?”  
“It’s simple, I want to be able to be here and protect and spend time with the kids. I want to do everything I have been for nearly 10 years now plus anything else they need as they grow. That means I go where Bill goes.”  
“And you expect me to pay for your food and give you a place to sleep and all that? I don’t take free loaders.”  
Dipper scoffed.

“Hardly. I won’t be making any of your bills go up. My body’s not real so I won’t be consuming any of your, frankly disgusting, human food or drink. I don’t sleep either so a room is not necessary. I most stay in the kids’ room at night anyway.”  
“That’s creepy.”  
“Well, it’s easier to make sure they only have good dreams that way.”  
“Whatever.”  
“Plus, I buy the twins stuff all the time which saves your wallet. Now, if you want to buy Mabel more yarn and Bill new books every week since they go through them so fast, be my guest.”  
“Yeah, yeah I get it. What do I get out of the deal?”  
“The guarantee that I am here to protect and care for Bill and Mabel and have no malicious intensions and will not hurt them.”  
That clearly wasn’t enough for Stan.  
“Yeah, that’s great but you’re going to sweeten the pot if I’m going to let a demon live in my house.”  
“What else do you want from me? Rent?”  
Stan heard a caching in his head.  
“Yes. And if you’re going to be here you’re going to work like everyone else.”  
“No.”  
Dipper replied flatly. Ok, Stan can agree that last bit was a push.  
“Fine. Rent then.”  
“Ok. I’m not paying more than $500 a month.”  
“Twice a month.”  
“Sure whatever. Is the deal good enough for you now?”  
“Let me think.”  
Dipper just wanted this to be over with so he pulled out his trump card.  
“I can help you with that… project of yours.”  
“What project are you… oh. I see what you’re doing.”  
“What am I doing?”  
Dipper was grinning. He had the upper hand now.  
“You think you can sway me by using that… project as leverage.”  
“Why would I do that? I just thought you might like some help. Things might go faster. I means it not like I helped build the original or anything.”  
Dipper winked at Stan. Bill and Mabel no longer knew what the adults were talking about. Stan gritted his teeth.  
“Fine. You can’t make me like this or you but we’ve got a deal.”  
“Deal.”

Stan held out his hand and Dipper shook it, igniting the handshake in blue flame. The handshake held for a minute then they both let go. Dipper plucked some hundreds out of his wallet and tossed them in Stan’s direction then went back over to the kids.

“Ok, everything’s worked out now.”  
“Yay!”  
Bill smiled then he paused as something occurred to him.  
“Pine tree, what project were you talking about?”  
“Don’t worry about that right now. You’ll find out soon enough.”

Things were ok after that. Dipper didn’t need to be invisible anymore which was a blessing and a curse. Having to interact with everyone instead of just the twins is something he’s still adjusting too. It’s been many decades since he’s been visible in public like he is here. 

Even in 1982, though there was the occasional exception, he mainly only ever interacted with two people. It’s doubly hard to adjust because he’s known an alternate version of every single person in this town. He doesn’t mix the versions up but it’s still ever present in his mind that there’s another one of each person here who knows him as something, someone, completely different.

He hides that this affects him in any way flawlessly. There’s no more hiding so he’ll just adjust. After the deal, Stan quit arguing with Dipper but they were hardly friends. They tolerate each other at best and outright avoid and ignore each other’s very existence at worst.

Bill would prefer if they got along but at this point, as long as they aren’t fighting, he’ll take what he can get.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Retcon Alert
> 
> Original: Even in 1982 he only ever interacted with two people and no one else.
> 
> Retconned To: Even in 1982, though there was the occasional exception, he mainly only ever interacted with two people.


	13. The Bill Party Equation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me forever to finish. I don't even want to look at it ever again.

“Ok demon, since you know so much what do we put in? The code in the book is blacked out.”  
Stan said, waving one of the copied pages of journal 3 in Dipper’s face. Dipper snatched it from him in annoyance and looked at it himself then groaned.  
“That paranoid bastard. He can’t make anything easy.”  
“So, you’re useless?”  
Stan said. Dipper cast a glare at him.

“No. This code is a custom code as in hand-picked. You wouldn’t be able to find it yourself, someone would have to tell you it. That stupid brother of yours marked it out so no one could use it. I bet he did that with all of them and I don’t know them.”

“Then there’s nothing we can do and I’ve been wasting my time for 30 years?”

“No! Look, he hid the code from plain sight but like hell he’d trust himself to remember all these codes in the state he was in. So, he wrote them down in invisible ink or at least that’s my theory. Unfortunately, these are copied pages so they don’t have the invisible ink on them.”

It was Stan’s turn to groan.  
“We’re going to have to steal the journal from Bill again.”

“No, _you_ are going to have to steal the journal from Bill. _I_ wouldn’t mind if your nerd brother never came back and _I’m_ not going to throw myself under the bus for this. I know how much that book means to Bill and I will not take it from him.”

“Alright, alright, geez. If we can get Bill out of his room for a few hours I can go in with a black light and copy down all the codes without Bill knowing.”  
“It’s a start but what scenario can you make that’ll get Bill to leave but not take his journal with him?”  
“I'll make him do yard work.”  
“That’s not fun for him and he’ll quit as soon as he gets bored. You’d probably have 10 minutes- 20 if you’re lucky- and that’s not enough time.”  
“Fine. You can explore the woods with him all day then. I know he likes that.”  
“Better but he’s not going to go into the forest without his journal so that’s not going to work either.”  
“When does he leave his journal at home? You with him all the time. You should know.”

“He normally takes it if we leave the shack. Sometimes he doesn’t take it when we go into town but that’s left up to his whims and I have no say in the matter. When he’s at the shack, if he’s not reading it, it’s normally in its place under the floorboards in his room with his other books. Just know he recently organized them so if you put them back wrong he’ll know something’s up.”

“Ok, so he’s gotta be around the house but distracted. Hmm. Wait. I’ve got an idea and I can make a pretty penny off it too.”  
“Oh, and what would that be?”  
Stan told Dipper his idea. Dipper thought a minute, going through scenarios, before nodding.  
“That might work.”

-

Dipper tapped his foot in boredom while Bill bounced in place next to him. Stan’s plan has Bill completely excited to the point he can’t sit still. Mabel stood next to Bill and was also excited and had already made a special sweater for the occasion. Wendy and Soos were there too.

Dipper had confiscated the silly string from everyone in the room already because they decided to gang up on him with it. He’s still got bits in his hair which he’ll have to carefully remove by hand later as magic melts the stuff. Stan was in front of them with a clipboard.

“Alright party people. And the demon.”  
Stan said and Dipper rolled his eyes.  
“We got to finish setting up. Soos, since you said you’d do it for free you get to be DJ.”  
“Don’t worry Mr. Pines. I got a book that’ll teach me how to DJ r-r-r-right.”  
Soos said. Stan looked at him for a second.  
“Not promising.”  
“Oh, oh, Grunkle Stan! Grunkle Stan!”  
Bill had his hand raised still bouncing in place.  
“Yes, Bill?”  
“So, we get to stay up late right? And- and there’s going to be music and colorful lights and dancing and sweets and soda and-”  
“Yesh kid, slow down. Yes, to all of that but don’t overdo it. You’re hyper enough without an excessive amount sugar.”  
“Don’t worry I’m putting a limit on how much he’s allowed to eat.”  
Dipper said.  
“Aw, but pine tree it’s a party!”  
“Shush. I’m doing this for what’s left of my sanity, but it doesn’t hurt that it saves everyone else a headache too. You’re already the embodiment of chaos and we don’t need sugar fueling that disaster.”  
“Excuse me? Disaster?”  
“8th birthday party. You almost set the house on fire 3 times, two chairs got broken, and one kid broke their arm _with_ me doing damage control. Do you need more examples or is one enough?”  
“Ok, ok, fair enough.”

Bill + parties = chaos and Dipper having a bad time every time. Bill has never attended a single party that hasn’t ended with Dipper having to work double over time just to make sure the house is still standing at the end of the night. 

One of the first deals they ever made was that Bill has to be really good the day after a party so Dipper can relax a little bit. In return Dipper will let up on keeping Bill quite as subdued during parties. Bill gets to have more fun this way and a lazy day after.

“How are people going to know about the party?”  
Mabel asked.  
“That’s the demon’s problem.”  
Stan said and Dipper gave another eye roll before snapping and making a neat stack of flyers appear next to him.  
“There.”  
Dipper said flatly.  
“That should be enough to cover the town.”  
“At least your occasionally useful.”  
Stan grunted.  
“Go spread them around town.”  
Dipper wasn’t too pleased with being repeatedly insulted and scoffed at by Stan so decided to dish out some payback.  
“Alright then.”

Dipper said all to cheerfully for his previous sour mood. Stan scowled upon recognizing the look on Dipper’s face as the one he gets when he’s about to pull a passive aggressive stunt. It’s happened several times in the two weeks since they made the deal. 

“Since it’ll take a really long time if I do it by myself, I’ll buy ice cream for whoever ditches Stan and comes with me to spread the flyers.”  
“I’m in!”  
“Me too!”

The twins cheered. Dipper had no doubt they’d join him if ice cream was involved. After a second Wendy joined them as well. Soos decided to stay so Dipper distributed the flyers four ways between them and led his group of children away to help him while Stan shot him a dirty look.

Stan isn’t going to pretend to like Dipper and Dipper isn’t going to sit back and be a doormat to anyone’s feelings. He has no qualms with being a bitch when not respected. So, Stan will keep making back-handed comments and Dipper will continue to be passive aggressive until they find a true middle ground.

Well, that or until a certain someone comes along who can provide a more… _intense_ conflict.

“That was pretty passive aggressive back there, dude.”  
Wendy said as the group walked to town.  
“I’m aware.”  
Dipper said.

“Stan doesn’t have to like me, I don’t exactly expect him to, but I do want respect which he’s clearly not planning on giving me. I see no reason I should allow him to disrespect me without consequence. I’m not going to pick fights mind you, but I’m no doormat either.”

“Fair enough?”  
Wendy said. The group got to town after a bit more walking. They all stopped on the side walk.

“Ok, here’s the plan. Bill and I will take one side of town, Mabel and Wendy can take the other. Stick these flyers everywhere. They’re magic so you don’t need tape and they’ll disappear on their own at midnight. In two hours, we’ll all meet up at the ice cream shop and I'll buy all of you whatever you want, understood?”

“ _Whatever_ we want?”  
Bill asked.  
“Within reason.”  
Dipper clarified.  
“Now are we clear on the plan?”  
Dipper got affirmative replies.  
“Alright. Wendy, you’re responsible for Mabel while she’s with you so-”  
“Dipper, chill. You don’t need to go all parent mode here. We’ll be fine, won’t we Mabel?”  
Wendy interrupted, slinging her arm around Mabel who grinned.  
“Yeah Dipper we’ve got it covered!”  
Dipper wasn’t pleased with being interrupted but relented.  
“Ok, ok, I get it. Let’s all just get to it.”

The teams split in different directions. The girls started heading towards the diner and that side of town. The boys on the other hand started towards the side of town that included the junk yard with Bill basically bouncing as he walked. 

Bill was excited for the task ahead, mostly because it ended in ice cream but also because he gets to plaster paper all over town and in his mind, he can consider it vandalism. Dipper kept an eye on him in case he forgoes safety in excitement.

The buildings Bill passed got covered in flyers, so did every car and mailbox and post. Dipper let him do most of the work. If Bill’s not actively doing something he’ll get bored and this endeavor will turn into a big pain to deal with.

They reached the parking lot shared by the book store and the hardware store. It was a rather big lot and really full today to they both decided to put up the flyers so it’ll go faster since Bill was insistent on putting one on every car.

He was nothing if not thorough.

They decided to split up then meet back by the bookstore when they were done. Dipper’s sure Bill will be fine. He’s not going to be that far away and if he’s in trouble all Bill has to do is yell and Dipper will be there in an instant.

Bill went from car to car sticking flyers where he could reach. Again, he’s not the tallest kid around. He was on the last car, an old-ish green truck, and was about to put a flyer on the windshield when he was interrupted by the owner of the car.

“Hey, youngn’, what’cha doin’ there?”

Bill stopped and looked at the person. They had grey hair, a fuzzy beard, and round glasses. He was carrying a box full of stuff that, if Bill had to guess from what was sticking out of the box, came from the hardware store. The man was giving him a friendly smile and seemed non-threatening.

“I’m passing out flyers!”  
“Are ya, now?”  
“Yeah! The Mystery Shack is having a party.”  
The man put his box in the truck bed then turned back to Bill.  
“It’s awful nice of ya ta be helpin. Don’t think I’ve seen you around before though.”  
“My name’s Bill Pines. Me and my siblings moved in with our Grunkle Stan at the beginning of summer.”  
“Ah I heard about him adoptin some kids. Not sure how I feel bout him lettn’ you run all over unsupervised, not that I’m surprised.”  
“I’m not unsupervised. My big brother is nearby. He said he’d buy me ice cream if I helped with the flyers. Oh yeah, do you want a flyer?”  
Bill held one out and the man took it.  
“Sure, Bill was it?”  
“Yeah. Thanks and have a nice day uh…”  
“Oh, heavens I didn’t introduce myself. I’m Fiddleford McGucket. If you need something electronic fixed I can probably help ya out.”  
“Ok! Thanks Mr. McGucket. Bye!”

Bill waved and ran off. He went and waited by the bookstore for Dipper who showed up shortly after. They plastered some flyers on the bookstore then started walking to the ice cream place since they’ve distributed most of them.

“So, did you get all the cars Bill?”  
“Yep!”  
Bill said cheerfully.  
“The last one I just handed to the guy because he was at his car.”  
“Who was the guy? or did you just shove it at him and run?”  
Dipper joked.  
“He said his name was Fiddleford McGucket.”  
Bill said and didn’t miss the actual surprised look on Dipper’s face.  
“Wait. Really? Huh. I didn’t think specs still lived here.”  
“Oooh, you said a nick name! That means he’s on your wheel.”  
“Nice catch kid.”  
Bill grinned.  
“I’m smart like that. Now let’s see, ax is Wendy, question mark is Soos, triangle is me, shooting star is Mabel, I think the eye star is Gideon because it was on his tent but I could be wrong…”  
“No, you’re right.”  
“That leaves d-circle, fish thing, six hand, crown, and glasses. You said specs so… McGucket is the glasses?”  
“Very good Bill.”  
Bill glowed at the praise.  
“I wonder who the others are.”  
“Hmm well the only ones you haven’t met yet is crown and sixer if that helps any.”  
“Is Grunkle Stan the fish thing? It’s on his fez.”  
“He is. You’re getting awful smart there. I might have to start making things harder for you to figure out.”

Bill giggled as Dipper ruffled his hair. Bill is a smart kid, very dedicated when it counts, always tries to be positive, and he’s never quick to judge. He puts his heart into everything and is a loving boy who tries to see the good in people.

He’s completely incomparable to his demonic alternate in the best way.

If someone had told Dipper 10 years ago that an alternate of Bill Cipher could be like this Bill, Dipper wouldn’t have believed them. Dipper’s glad he was wrong about that. Bill’s a troublemaker, sure, but he’s still a good person at the core and Dipper is so freaking proud of him.

They only had to wait at the ice cream place for a few minutes before Mabel and Wendy showed up. They went inside and Dipper did as he had promised and bought everyone ice cream. They picked a table and all sat down to eat.

Bill got mint chocolate chip double scoop in one of those cones dipped in chocolate and sprinkles. Mabel chose the most colorful ice cream they had and had it buried in sprinkles and gummy bears. Wendy got a Hot Fudge Sunday.

Dipper didn’t get anything because his dislike of human consumables is so strong he can’t even stand to eat ice cream. He doesn’t even understand how he could stand it as a human anymore. It’s all just extremely gross to him now.

“Thanks for the ice cream Dipper.”  
Mabel said.  
“Yeah, thanks pine tree.”  
“Appreciate it dude.”  
Bill and Wendy agreed.  
“No problem. Long as I don’t have to eat any I don’t mind buying you some now and again.”  
“You really don’t even like ice cream?”  
Wendy asked.  
“All of what you mortals consider food is disgusting no exceptions.”  
“Are you sure there’s nothing?”  
“If there was I would know considering I’ve been around longer than your species has existed. My mind cannot be changed on this.”

Wendy rolled her eyes and went back to her ice cream. Dipper looked out the window while the conversation went other places. The kids were safe and enjoying their ice cream and that’s all he really cared about.

Yes, Dipper considered Wendy a kid but given Wendy’s 15 and he’s a couple trillion years old, can you blame him?

“Do you think the party will be fun? I hope it’s fun.”  
Bill said.  
“Me too.”  
Mabel agreed.  
“But I’ll be happy as long as it ends better than last week’s adventure.”  
“Yeah.”  
Bill agreed. Wendy looked from one twin to the other.  
“What happened last week?”

“Oh, uh, we tried to use Mabel’s grappling hook to make a zip line from the roof of the shack to a nearby tree and Dipper got mad.”  
Bill explained sheepishly.  
“That’s why the S fell off the shack sign.”  
Mabel added. Dipper let out a light scoff, turning his gaze on the twins.  
“Yeah, and you both almost fell off the roof. You aren’t getting that grappling hook back any time soon and you aren’t allowed up there again without supervision.”  
“Yes Dipper.”  
Both twins said.  
“I love you both very much but even with my supervision sometimes you get into more trouble than me and my…”  
“Your…?”  
Wendy questioned but Dipper just waved his hand dismissively.  
“Oh, I just remembered some… old memories, is all. I’m a bit too attached to them. Nothing you should worry yourself about ax.”

-

Dipper was chilling against the wall of the shack simply observing the party that had grown pretty popular fairly quickly. He’s not surprised since he sent everyone in town dreams about this so, one look at the flyers and they’ll be automatically compelled to come. 

Well, unless they have a stronger reason not to. Say for example, Gideon, whose sense of self-preservation seems to be strong enough to keep him off Pines’ property. Good on the little brat for knowing better than to test weather Dipper was serious about tearing him to shreds.

The only one who didn’t get a dream, besides the residents of the shack (including Wendy and Soos), was Robbie because Dipper ate his dreams a few weeks ago. Technically, he at all the current dreams in Robbie’s head plus his ability to make new one on his own.

Dipper’s the master of the mind. So, sure, Dipper could probably shove a dream he created into the teen’s head if he tried, but why should he go to all that work when he’ll come here with the rest of his friend group anyway?

Mabel was hanging with her friends, Wendy was talking to Robbie, Bill was… Dipper scanned the room before spotting him at the snack table. He was shoving brownies in his mouth probably hoping Dipper wasn’t looking. He’ll let it slide… for now.

Dipper scanned the party some more. He’d payed Tad Strange to work the ticket stand and judging by the steady flow of people he was doing a good job. So far everything is going smoothly- and there’s the first sign of trouble.

Dipper watched Pacifica Northwest enter the party.

She’s not bad deep down but at this point in time she’s still a prick. Dipper can’t hold it against her though. He remembers the situation the Pacifica in his old universe was in. This Pacifica should be no different. All she needs is some motivation and guidance.

-

Bill decided he’d spent enough time at the snack bar. He’s got to space out his snacking to maximize how many sweets he can consume before he’s cut off. Dipper’s always watching but he can’t catch everything, right? 

Truthfully Bill just thinks Dipper let’s things slide sometimes. He wants Bill to have a good time, he just also wants the house still standing at the end of the night which is fair. Bill doesn’t like stressing out his guardian either so he does try to be good but too much sugar makes him more hyperactive than he already is.

Bill looked up when someone ruffled his hair. It turned out to be Wendy.  
“Having fun, Bill?”  
“Yeah!”  
Bill grinned.  
“I love parties.”  
“Yeah, you seem like a party dude.”  
Wendy drank some punch.  
“Wow this is really watered down. Do you think Stan has something we can mix in to make it taste better?”  
“No but I do! Stay there.”

Bill said then darted out of the room. Bill sped up stairs to the attic and grabbed a shoe box from under his bed before running back to where Wendy was waiting. Bill grinned as he opened the box to show her. Her eyes widened a bit and she grinned.

“Dude, you kept that?”  
“Yep, just don't tell pine tree. Do you wanna spike the punch?”  
“Let’s do it.”

Bill and Wendy proceeded to mix quite a few packs of contraband Smile Dip Bill took from the haunted convenience store into the punch. Wendy tried it first and gave approval. Bill stored the rest away and went and hid the box in the gift shop to retrieve later.

When he came back he drank some punch. It was good but he could feel the sugar on his tongue afterwards. He filled his cup up again then went to mingle with the crowd. Maybe Soos will let him help DJ. He’s taken piano lessons before. He could jam out something cool. 

He paused by Mabel who was dancing with her friends.

“Hey girls.”  
“Bill!”  
“Hi Bill.”  
“Sup Bill?”

Each girl greeted in turn, happy to see him. Bill’s actually spent quite a bit of time with the girls when they were over. He’s generally easy to get along with and because Bill’s aro there no potential for romance that could get in the way of platonic feelings. Plus, he likes being around people his own age.

He can only handle so much romance talk but he likes getting his nails painted. So, he’ll sometimes stick around and hang out with the girls for a bit when they’re over. They get to paint his nails however they want for the most part as long as they keep the make-up away from his face.

“Me and Wendy spiked the punch. Don’t tell pine tree.”  
Bill said.  
“How’d you spike it?”  
Grenda asked.  
“The punch was watery because Stan didn’t want to buy a whole lot and just mixed it with water. I have smile dip so me and Wendy mixed like 12 packs in.”  
“Dipper’s going to kill you, bro-bro.”  
Mabel said.  
“Not if you don’t tell him he won’t. You know he doesn’t like human food so it’s not like he’s going to try it and find out.”  
“That’s true. Just try not turn mega hyper.”  
“No promises.”  
“Wow, the punch has gotten popular since you spiked it.”  
Candy said, watching the line of people waiting to get some punch that had not been there before.  
“Hey if it’s all gone Dipper won’t find out at all.”  
“Dipper’s in line.”  
“Shit.”

Bill didn’t know what he was going to do about that. Dipper’s not going to be happy considering he’s already told Bill to throw all the smile dip out. All Dipper has to do is smell the punch to tell it’s been mixed with smile dip. The sugar made the punch fizzy and has a certain sent.

Really there’s no mistaking that stuff no matter what you mix it with.

Bill didn’t really want to dwell on how much trouble he is in. He’s probably looking at another grounding. Luckily a distraction came to him in the form of Soos. The music died down and Soos got on the mic to make an announcement.

“Ok party dudes, it’s time for the karaoke contest. The winner receives this sweet party crown.”  
Soos held up a crown. Before he could say anything else a blond girl walked up like she owned the place and held her hand out.  
“I’ll take that thank you.”  
“Uh, well, I can’t just give it to you. You have to win it.”  
Soos said. The girl scoffed.  
“And who’s going to compete against me? Those losers?”  
She gestured at Candy and Grenda.  
“I don’t think so.”

Bill and Mabel instantly went into attack mode. No one insults their friends and gets away with it. With a glance and a nod at each other both twins stepped up to the plate to challenge this girl. She looked annoyed enough they approached and even more annoyed when they spoke.

“If it’s a challenger you need,”  
Mabel said.  
“We’ll be more than happy to provide.”  
Bill finished. The blond girl looked incredulous.  
“Who even are you two?”  
“Name’s Bill.”  
“And I’m Mabel!”  
“Fine. I’m Pacifica and you’re on.”

Pacifica wasn’t used to challengers but Bill and Mabel hadn’t lived here long enough to know anything about her or who she even was. She doesn’t think it’ll be too hard to put them in their place but she’s also never gone up against the Pines twins before.

Dipper observed from a distance as the children geared up for a karaoke battle for the ages. Pacifica doesn’t know what she’s getting into. She may be popular but she’s going up against two loud, hyperactive, show stoppers, that would never turn on each other. 

Mabel’s got a positivity and charm that makes it impossible not to smile around her and Bill’s charisma can even outshine Dipper’s occasionally. That’s saying something considering Dipper was the only member of the mafia that could get out of any situation through smooth talk in the 1920’s.

Maybe he’s rubbing off on Bill a bit too much…

Dipper shrugs. This battle will be epic for sure but he’d rather avoid the headache of listening to children sing terribly. He’ll hear all about it later anyway and this has nothing to do with him so the twins won’t mind if he misses it.

He gets a cup of punch. It’s a strange pink color now with fizz and a shimmery surface. One sniff and it clearly has had some questionable substance mixed in. Dipper sighed, completely unsurprised. He thinks he’ll use this musical battle to take a smoke break but first…

With cup in hand Dipper walks across the room until he finds Wendy chilling and watching the mounting battle from a couch. Robbie was there with her absently strumming on his guitar. Dipper just focused on Wendy who tried not to stare at the cup of punch in Dipper’s hand.

“Ax, what happened to the punch?”  
“Oh. Uh.”  
“You’re not in trouble and I already know Bill’s involved. Don't make me read your mind.”  
“Alright. We mixed smile dip in the punch because it tasted terrible.”  
“Damn it. Oh well, I guess it’s my fault for not following up when I told Bill to get rid of that stuff. I should have done it myself. Well, if they ask I’ll be outside smoking.”  
“Not gonna stay and watch your kids sing karaoke?”  
“Are you kidding? If I leave now I’ll be the only one in this room without a headache. Bill can’t hit high notes even though he thinks he can. They’ll talk my ears off about it later.”  
Dipper explained and Wendy shrugged. Robbie made a scoff noise from his spot on the sofa.  
“Oh right, I forgot dreamer was here.”  
Robbie gave Dipper an aggravated look after hearing the demon’s new nickname for him. Dipper rolled his eyes.  
“Later kids.”

Dipper waved before heading back across the room. He got some snacks on a plate and took them and the cup of punch out the door. He brought them around the house and set them on the ticket table. There was no one left to buy tickets.

“Hey Tad, thanks for covering the tickets.”  
Dipper said. Tad Strange smiled pleasantly.  
“Not a problem, Dipper.”  
“These snacks and punch are for you if you want them. You’re free to go now be that home or inside to the party I really don’t care. Just fair warning the 12-year-olds are having a karaoke contest or something so the noise inside might not be pleasant. Have a nice night.”

Dipper walked around the shack again to the door and leaned against the wall. He put a muffling spell on the door then pulled out his pack of cigarettes. He’s going to probably get through what’s left of this pack before they’re done inside.

The kids had played rock paper scissors to see who goes first which Mabel won. That meant she picked first song and Bill and Pacifica stood to the side to let her take her turn. “Don’t Start Un-Believing” started playing and Mabel did her best dancing and singing.

“Go Mabel!”

Bill cheered and the crowd liked what Mabel dished out. Pacifica wasn’t pleased with the cheering and made pointed backhanded comments to Bill during the performance. It was supposed to be trash talk but now Bill was ready to do more than simply beat Pacifica at karaoke. 

Bill Pines was raised by a demon and if there’s one thing he’s learned from that it’s how to use words to get what you want. Dipper doesn’t like him getting into fights if he can help it but there are other ways to get back at people. You don’t have to hit a person when words can be just as powerful. 

So, if Pacifica wants to make trash talk personal so will he.

 

“That was Mabel Pines!”  
Soos announced and measured the cheering.  
“Next up is…”  
Soos looked at the two remaining kids. Bill turned to Pacifica and made a “right this way” gesture.  
“Fake blonds first.”  
“My hair is not fake!” 

Bill’s first strike hit dead center. His comment had been taken personally. He quick assessed Pacifica’s self-image is fragile. He could knock her down to rubble if he tried, hitting her where it hurt, but he’s not a cruel person. Dipper’s taught him better than to purposely destroy people. 

Sure, a little vengeance now and again doesn’t hurt, sometimes people need to be taught a lesson, but don’t destroy people’s lives, don’t humiliate them, don’t ruin their self-image or self-worth. That’s just evil and cruel. Only with love and compassion can a person succeed.

“ _Sure, it is_. Now you going to step up to the mic or forfeit blondie?”

Bill said as if he clearly didn’t believe her. That was as far as he was going to go with it though. He’s not aiming to actually hurt her, just rile her up which is the point of trash talk. Pacifica glared at him before pushing past to have her turn at the mic. 

The smile dip laced punch was beginning to affect people. Everyone in the room except maybe one or two people had had some of the spiked punch in varying amounts so what they were seeing and hearing may not be that accurate to what’s actually happening.

Pacifica did her song and she can carry a tune pretty well but Bill wasn’t nervous. Mabel winked at Bill and he flashed a grin back. Pacifica managed to get more applause than Mabel, thus beating her in the competition, and was very smug about it. 

Mabel was unfazed and just stood to the side with her now that it was Bill’s turn.

“Ok, it’s Bill Pines’ turn!”  
Bill whispered what song he wanted to Soos then took the mic.  
“You know Paz, you’re a pretty good singer but unlike you I don’t just stand and sing.”  
Bill stated as music started.  
“I preform!”

Bill struck a pose then proceeded to ham the whole thing up with a complete singing and dancing number. Pacifica stared slightly open mouthed for more than just being assigned the nickname Paz. The drug addled crowd went crazy for Bill and his song thankfully included few high notes. 

Mabel gave Pacifica a friendly nudge.

“If there’s one thing my brother knows how to do, it’s put on a show. Well, that and talking out big brother out of getting mad at us. Don’t feel bad though. You did awesome.”  
Bill walked up to them with the party crown on his head, grinning.  
“I won.”  
“Nice job Bill.”  
“Thanks, Mabes.”  
Bill looked at Pacifica, still smiling. She didn’t know what to expect and wasn’t prepared for Bill to hold out his hand to her as if he wanted her to shake it.  
“You need better trash talk but you aren’t a bad singer. If you put in a little pizzazz you might have a chance next time. So, all in all, good game.”  
Pacifica stared at him. Why are they being nice? She was mean to them and she lost.  
“Paz?”

A quick glance told Pacifica the people she came with had left sometime during the competition. This was probably due to the smile dip they ingested but Pacifica was unaware of that. Not knowing what to do she reacted defensively and pushed Bill away before marching angrily out the door.

Bill and Mabel looked at each other worriedly. They thought maybe after taking her down a peg they could get her to be their friend. They could teach her how to be nicer and all that. Second chances are important. They have no idea why she ran away like that. 

They hope she’s ok. 

-

Pacifica exited the building and her anger disappeared. It was fake to begin with. She sighed and sat on the front stoop completely not noticing Dipper in the shadows leaning against the wall on the other side of the doorway. At least she didn’t notice him until he spoke.

“So much for having a smoke.”

Pacifica jerked her head up to look at Dipper who was now out of the shadows putting his cigarette out in one on the ash trays he keeps outside. He put the ashtray back in its hiding place then just leaned against the house with his hands in his pockets. He glanced at her.

“What? Second hand smoke can kill you. I’m not purposely subjecting a child to that.”  
Dipper said. Pacifica sighed.  
“I was hoping you’d go inside.”  
“And be subjected to karaoke? Are you kidding? I’m staying out here until this stupid party is finally over.”  
“Who even are you?”  
“Dipper Pines at your service.”  
“Pines? Like Mabel Pines?”  
“Yeah, Mabel and Bill are my little brother and sister.”  
They’d used that lie so many times it didn’t even feel like a lie anymore.  
“Wow you’re their brother and you didn’t even cheer for them in the karaoke contest?”  
Pacifica was trying to sound scathing, trying to feel back on her game but Dipper just laughed.

“Are you kidding? If I was in there they’d find a way to make me sing with them and that’s not happening if I have any say in the matter. Plus, Mabel can’t hold a tune and Bill can’t hit high notes to save his life. I’m not subjecting myself to that headache. I’m guessing one of them beat you in the competition and now your butt hurt about it. It was probably Bill wasn’t it? He did his song and dance routine didn’t he? That always wins over every crowd.”

Pacifica huffed and grumbled.  
“You talk awful mean about them for someone claiming to be their brother.”  
“Hey, I practically raised those little shits. I love ‘em more than anything but I know they aren’t perfect and as their big brother I’m allowed to pick on them a little.”

Dipper said cheerfully. Pacifica’s shoulders sagged a little. Her put down didn’t work. This wasn’t giving her the ego boost she was hoping for. Dipper’s expression softened and he moved to sit on the porch, settling on the opposite side on the door Pacifica was so they were level but a comfortable four feet away from each other. 

“Something the matter, princess?”  
“What’s it to you?”  
“Nothing to me. You just seem upset.”  
“Nothing’s wrong.”

“That’s a load of bullshit if I’ve ever heard one. I get if you don’t want to talk to me since you don’t really know me but if there’s something wrong at least talk to your friends about it. Sitting alone feeling bad won’t do you any good.”

Pacifica murmured something.  
“What was that, princess?”  
“My friends left when they saw I was going to lose.”  
“Hate to break it to you, kid, but if the people who you consider friends ditch you the moment things start to look rough they aren’t real friends.”  
Pacifica made a frustrated noise and glared at Dipper.  
“Like I don’t know that! Why do you even care?!”  
Dipper sighed.

“As a parental figure, I don’t feel comfortable leaving you out here alone and upset. The least I can do is offer to be someone to talk to and maybe give out some advice. I’ve known people just like you. You’re not a bad person deep down.”

“You don’t know anything about me.”

“You’ve been told your whole life that you must be better than everyone else and the only way you’ve been trained to achieve that is by pushing others down. You’re expected to keep a certain image but it’s lonely at the top and I’d bet my flannel you sometimes wish you were just a normal kid.”

Pacifica was giving him a weird look. Dipper smiled.  
“A little too spot on for your tastes, princess?”  
“Shut up. You act like making friends is just _so easy_. You don’t know anything.”

“I know lots of things, kid. Plus, I’m not saying making friends is just a snap of your fingers and you’re BFFs. All relationships take work but in a healthy friendship the work isn’t a chore because being there for and helping your friends is something you want to do.”  
Dipper explained.  
“It’s not always easy opening up to people and you’re not required to give out your life story. It certainly won’t be without it’s rough patches either but that doesn’t mean you shouldn't try. You need to have positive close relationships, especially while you’re young. The only thing being alone is going to do is leave you emotionally stunted with issues that’ll require therapy.”

Pacifica was quiet for a few moments before speaking softly.  
“How would I even find friends? I’ve pushed away every kid in town.”  
“Well, I certainly know two kids your age who only moved here this summer and if I’ve raised them the way I think I did, I’m sure they will give you a second chance.”  
“You mean, Bill and Mabel?”  
“Yeah. Mabel loves everyone and Bill gets caught up sometimes but he’s not cruel. I doubt they’ve labeled you as an enemy yet. Not without giving you an actual chance.”  
Dipper said. Right after, Stan poked his head out the door.  
“Party’s over. Get these people out of my house.”  
Dipper rolled his eyes.  
“Finally.”  
Stan went back in and Dipper looked at Pacifica.  
“You have a way home?”  
“Yeah.”  
Pacifica brought out her phone.  
“Good. I’ve got to go make everyone leave. Think about what I said, ok?”  
“Uh, alright.”

Pacifica agreed. Dipper smiled and nodded then got up and went inside, proceeding to make everyone leave as asked. They’ll all be hung over tomorrow for sure. He dumped the punch next then hunted down Bill who still had the party crown on. Bill looked like he knew what was coming.

“Smile dip. Now.”  
Bill sighed and led Dipper to where he hid what smile dip that was left and watched as Dipper burned it all.  
“Am I grounded?”  
“No, but you will be next time. So don’t do it again.”  
“Yes, pine tree.”  
“Now it’s bed time. If you get ready now you’ll have time to read some.”  
“Ok.”

\- 

Bill entered the attic room and took the journal out from under the floor boards then went to get in bed. Before he did he noticed a flash light on the desk. He picked it up. Dipper must have left it here for him. He’ll use it to read. 

Bill settled in bed and opened the journal. After Mabel went to sleep he switched from using the lantern to using the new light. As soon as he turned it on and shined it on the pages his eyes widened. This was a black light and the journal was covered in writing done in invisible ink.

Things just got a lot more interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> looks like not everyone made it out of 1982 in as bad of shape as in canon.


	14. Dipper's a Bitter Bitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me. Most of this was written at 4AM

“Can we?”  
“No.”  
“Can we please?”  
Bill whined at the kitchen table. Dipper was trying to stay calm, nearing his limit with Bill’s whining that’d been going on for 3 straight days.  
“I said no.”  
“Pine tree _come on_!”

“Bill, I’m not stupid enough to let you of all people near anything fiery or explosive. I’m sure you can find a better adventure than throwing combust-shrooms at gnomes. Now, I don’t want to hear another word about this, do you understand me?”

Bill shrunk a little in his chair.  
“Go easy on him, demon. He’s just a kid.”  
Stan said to take a shot at Dipper.  
“Don’t tell me how to parent my own son.”

Dipper hissed back, glaring at Stan from across the table. Stan decided his best choice was to open the newspaper real big to block Dipper’s look instead of poking the bear. As much as he likes picking on the resident demon, Stan is not stupid. 

He knows better than to push Dipper, particularly when it comes to the kids. Stan may be the twins’ legal guardian but it’s no secret Dipper considers the twins _his_ children, not Stan’s, and that goes double when it comes to Bill. Stan isn’t going to purposely evoke the wrath of a demon for no good reason. 

Besides, Dipper’s not a bad parent. He cares for the kids and makes them happy without being a pushover. The kids positively _adore_ him more than anything too and they listen to him. Stan doesn’t like the demon and probably never will, but he can’t deny that Dipper truly loves Bill and Mabel.

Those kids are his pride and joy. As long as Dipper’s around, the twins will always come home safe and sound from their adventures and that’s the one thing Stan won’t doubt even for a second. He’d never admit to it but, despite their bickering, Stan doesn’t mind Dipper being around all that much.

Bill quit mentioning the combust-shrooms and made sure to look disappointed and shamed for several hours before finally approaching Dipper again. By now Dipper had cooled down from breakfast and would be more open to suggestions. 

Dipper was currently seated on the living room floor with Mabel who had roped him into drawing with her. He doesn’t indulge in art often but he’s lived long enough to have put enough time in it to be pretty good. Generally, he draws something and Mabel will color it in. It’s their thing.

“Hey, pine tree.”  
Bill said, trying his best to sound of innocent intent.  
“Yes, Bill?”  
Dipper didn’t look up from his sketch pad but Bill had enough of his attention for a conversation.  
“So I was thinking…”  
“I don’t like it when you say that in that tone but continue.”  
Bill rolled his eyes.  
“Anyway, I was thinking, since you said no to the combust-shrooms,”  
“And that won’t change.”  
“I know. I got that. As I was saying, since you said no to that I came up with a new idea that maybe you’ll be more ok with.”  
At that Dipper fully stopped, setting the sketchpad and pencil to the side and looking at Bill directly.

“And what might that be? Keep in mind you’re still on thin ice so if you’re about to suggest something with a danger and stupid idea level greater than or equal to the combust-shrooms suggestion, you might want to back out now.”

Bill bit his lip. He doesn’t think his suggestion is near as bad as the combust-shrooms idea but he’s suddenly unsure if Dipper will agree and there will be consequences if this does turn out to be a worse idea. He doesn’t want to make Dipper upset with him.

Bill’s hesitation was causing Dipper to grow annoyed. Not wanting to test his luck Bill decided just to say his idea and be prepared to run if Dipper isn’t pleased with it. It’s not that Dipper would hurt him, he wouldn’t, but not the best for anyone to be around an agitated demon, especially if they’re the reason said demon is agitated.

“So, um, I used the black light you left me and the journal shows and says there’s a bunker under the tree I found it in and I thought maybe we could go on an expedition to explore it? That’s safer than combust-shrooms. It’s just a cool old place.”

Dipper’s expression had gone from annoyed too unreadable and Bill felt nervous. The verdict could be almost anything and Dipper isn’t giving him even a hint. Finally, Dipper’s expression shifted to annoyed but this annoyance was clearly just for show. It was the look Dipper gives him when he’s trying not to show he’s proud of Bill for doing something sneaky and it made Bill relax. He wasn’t in trouble.

“You sneaky shit. You annoyed the fuck out of me with something you knew I wouldn’t go for so this suggestion would seem safe and uneventful in comparison.”  
Dipper said. Bill grinned.  
“Maybe.”  
Dipper finally broke the act and smiled, looking a bit fond.  
“I’ve made you too smart.”  
“Yep! So can we go? Please, please, please!”  
Bill looked hopeful. Dipper considered a moment.  
“Well, I suppose but-”  
“Yes!”  
“But you will do exactly as I say and we will leave when I say. Understand?”  
“Yes, pine tree, I know.”  
“Good, we’ll go tomorrow.”  
“Aw…”  
“Now, now, don’t give me that. You need time to get your supplies together and secure your adventuring party.”  
“Shit you’re right!”  
Bill exclaimed then turned to Mabel who was coloring a few feet away.  
“Sis, you in?”  
“Yep.”  
Mabel agreed.  
“Great! Now I’m gonna go ask Wendy.”

Bill then ran out of the room together everything he needed and find people to drag into the adventure. Dipper picked up his sketch book and pencil again so he could finish his drawing for Mabel to color. Mabel looked up from her coloring.

“You just told him to do that to keeping him occupied the rest of the day so he won’t complain about not going today.”  
Dipper looked up at her and smiled, reaching over to ruffle her hair affectionately.  
“Smart girl.”

-

Bill led the way into the forest followed by Dipper, Mabel, Wendy, and Soos. Dipper looked slightly bored with his hands in his pockets. Bill told him he couldn’t nerd this up and assign everyone an adventuring title and took away Dipper’s alignment chart. 

For the record, Dipper was going to be the lawful neutral wizard and he had Bill as his chaotic neutral paladin. Mabel is chaotic good but other than that Dipper didn’t get a chance to assign anyone anything else before Bill gave him his cease and desist.

“Ok, it’s this tree.”  
Bill said stopping in front of the tree.  
“Are you sure this is it, dude?”  
Soos asked.  
“Yep. The dent I made in it with the hammer when I found the journal is still there any everything.”  
Bill pointed at the obvious dent in the trunk.  
“Now we just need to figure out how to get in. Pine tree how do we get in?”  
“You’re asking me?”  
Dipper asked, raising his eye brow.  
“Well, the author built it before you started hating each other so I would assume you knew how to get  
in.”  
“Yes, I do. Pull that tree branch up there.”  
Bill look to where Dipper was pointing.  
“That’s really high up.”  
“Making it easy to get into a fallout bunker defeats the purpose.”  
“How are we going to get up there?”  
“I got this guys.”

Wendy said then proceeded to climb the tree and pull the lever before jumping down. She was quick enough to be down before the ground around the tree opened up and stairs came out from the tree in a downward spiral.

Bill was giddy. All Dipper did was sigh.

“Alright everyone, follow me and please be careful.”

Dipper went first down the stairs, followed by Bill, Wendy, Mabel, and Soos. They made it to the bottom rather easily. Dipper had kept a ball of fire in his hand so they could see on their way down. Once down their journey hit a wall almost literally.

The room at the bottom of the stairs was small and left Soos standing on the bottom step while the rest of the party crowded uncomfortably close in the 3.5x3.5 foot room. Wendy decided to make Soos take another step back and perch on the steps as well to give Dipper and the twins more room. 

“What do we do now?”  
Soos asked. Dipper sighed and kicked the wall in a specific place which caused a panel to open in the wall. He held the flame up so the panel could be easily seen.  
“Bill, puzzle.”  
Bill pushed his way to the front.  
“Wow, he really liked nongrams.”  
“Yeah, I kind of regret teaching him how to make them. You want to have a go?”  
“Yes!”  
Bill got to work. It ended up being Dipper as a pine tree again but this time without the X through his eye.  
“A pine tree with and eye in the middle?”  
Wendy questioned.  
“It’s Dipper.”  
Mabel said and Wendy raised an eye brow.  
“What?”

“Oh, come now, ax, did you really think my true form would look human? I only took on this physical projection because it’s easy to interact with mortals in this form. I’d recommend not making fun of my pine tree form by the way.”

“Don’t worry dude. I’ve seen you angry. It doesn’t matter what you look like, I’m not going to do anything that’ll make you mad.”  
“Probably smart.”

Bill finished the last details on the nonogram and unlocking could be heard before the wall moved aside letting them into a bigger room. Dipper snapped, adding light to the room so everyone could see. He could have done this in the staircase too but he’d figured holding the flame would have kept with the adventuring aesthetic and been more fun for everyone.

“Remember, be careful and if I say put something back or don’t touch something it would be wise to do as I tell you. Otherwise you can wreck the place for all I care.”

Dipper reminded everyone. Everyone acknowledge Dipper’s statement with affirmatives before spreading out to search the room. Wendy pulled a hazard warning sign off the wall to take home with her and Dipper gave no objections to that.

“Wow the author sure had a lot of supplies saved up.”  
Bill said, examining the boxes of rations. Mabel popped over to look as well.  
“Yeah, like, 60 years’ worth. Was he expecting the world to end or something?”  
“I mean, kinda.”  
Bill replied.  
“Stay out of that stuff kids.”  
Dipper called from across the room where he’d been telling Soos eating the candy from a 30-year-old smez dispenser he found probably wasn’t the best idea.  
“Yes Dipper.”  
Both twins said simultaneously. Bill looked around.  
“There has to be more to this place. This is an awful small room to live in.”  
“Let’s go find the next room then!”  
Mabel cheered. Bill grinned at his sister.  
“Yeah!”

They high-fived then went off to look for a new door or tunnel together. A few minutes later the twins and Wendy were at a metal door. Dipper had sent Soos over to open it since Bill, Mabel, and Wendy weren’t strong enough and Dipper didn’t want them to hurt themselves.

Once the door came off everyone had to crawl through on hands and knees. Dipper went first then Bill, Mabel, Wendy, and Soos. They entered another small room and Dipper sighed. This was the killer block room and the trap started after 20 seconds.

Everyone screamed except Dipper who scooped up the twins to keep them from being crushed. 

Once he had his kids he shut the trap down with the voice activated override.

“Voice control trap override: code Mason.”  
There was a tense few seconds before a electronic voice replied.  
“Override activated. Welcome Assistant Mason.”

The trap reversed its self and a new door opened. Everyone made quick work of leaving the trap room. Once on the other side Dipper set Bill and Mabel down before walking over and sitting on the generator that was buzzing in the corner, supplying everything with power.

“Yes! New room! There’s got to be more though.”

Bill said before going to look around the room and, inevitably, for another door having already seemed to have forgotten the last room they were in tried to kill them. Everyone explored the room while Dipper sat on the generator and watched. Soos took a lab coat from the rack in the corner and put it on.

“I’m like a science dude now.”

Dipper said nothing but saw that the lab coat had the name Mason embroidered on it above the breast pocket which contained one thoroughly chewed on pen. Dipper eyed the pen for a moment before getting up to pluck the pen from the lab coat pocket then went and sat back on the generator.

“This is mine. So is the coat but you can keep that. I just want the pen.”  
Wendy raised an eyebrow.  
“You want the chewed-up pen?”  
“Yes. It’s a stim toy. It’s built to be chewed on and not break. The author made it for me way back when.”  
Dipper replied, the pen already between his teeth.  
“It’s the only useful thing that gullible bastard ever made. Well, useful to me at least. Got everything else wrong, the dumbass.”

Wendy decided not to pry further and shook her head at Bill who looked like he wanted to ask more questions. Dipper never talks about his time with the author so naturally Bill wanted to know more. However, Dipper looked grumpy now and was murmuring to himself rather bitterly around his pen about how the author can’t follow instructions. 

Given this, Bill figured Wendy was right and he shouldn’t push his luck.

“Hey what’s the point of this closet? There’s no hooks or anything.”  
Bill asked.  
“Wendy, you’re taller than me, can you reach that cord? I want to try something.”  
Wendy entered the closet with Bill and Bill closed the door most of the way.  
“Pull it.”

Wendy shrugged and did as Bill said setting off the decontamination sequence. Afterwards, the wall opened to reveal a passage and Bill let out a rather high-pitched squeal of delight. He beamed at Wendy seeming proud of himself.

“I was right!”  
Bill opened the door again long enough to shout to everyone else.  
“Guys I found a secret passage I’m gonna explore it bye!”

Bill then ran down the new passage and Wendy ran after him, fearing what Dipper would do if he got himself hurt. She caught up to him quite a ways into the next room, looking at large holes dug in the wall. Bill was studying the holes carefully and was looking through the journal for anything that might have caused them.

Wendy didn’t try to touch the book, knowing better, but looked at the pages over Bill’s shoulder.

“Hey kids, what are you doing down here?”

Bill and Wendy froze. That sounded like Dipper’s voice. Though he didn’t sound mad, they still didn’t ask him if it was cool to explore down here so maybe if they turn around and play it cool they won’t get in trouble. The two of them turned around and immediately became a bit confused.

The person in front of them looked like Dipper and clearly sounded like Dipper but he was wearing a lab coat with Mason embroidered on it over the breast pocket. Soos was wearing that one in the other room and Dipper had said he could keep it for all he cared.

“Uh…”

Wendy looked at Bill. He knew Dipper better than her and from the look on his face, there was something suspicious going on here. Bill seemed to decided something and pulled her down to whisper in her ear.

“That’s not Dipper but if someone is impersonating him they could be dangerous. We’re going to play along with whatever story he comes up with. Just follow my lead.”

Wendy nodded at Bill, confirming their plan. Meanwhile, the Dipper impersonator waited patiently for them to finish and when they separated again it smiled at them. It was far too mild mannered and pleasant to fit Dipper’s mannerisms.

“Who are you?”  
Bill asked as innocently as he could.  
“My name is Mason. I’m a scientist you see. I accidently got myself trapped down here preventing a monster from escaping.”  
“Really?”  
“Yes. It’s been quite a while since I’ve been out of this bunker. If only I had my journals I could finish this monster off and get out but I left them out somewhere. Have you seen them?”  
Bill hugged journal 3 close to his chest. This impersonator wasn’t getting his book. No way no how. Wendy glanced at Bill briefly but tried to keep her eyes on the far to pleasant imposter in front of him. Dipper isn’t Dipper without sass so this thing was just unsettling.

Wendy and Bill were put on guard when the fake Dipper’s expression lost its pleasantness It was glaring past them. Both Wendy and Bill jumped when a hand was placed on each of their shoulders but felt relieved when a glace behind them showed it was the real Dipper.

“What’s wrong, Shifty? Didn’t think I was back in town?”

Bill didn’t need to look. He could tell by his tone alone that Dipper’s eyes had shifted to black. Well, tone and the fact Dipper had moved his hand and arm so he had a more possessive hold on Bill, clearly feeling protective. 

The imposter, Shifty, eyed Dipper’s hold on Bill.

“Why do you claim that one? Is he your new protégé? Your last one came down here you know. He grabbed a few things and was ranting to himself. Your betrayal must have shaken him to the core considering he was scatterbrained enough to let me out of the cryo-freeze tank.”

Shifty no longer spoke in Dipper’s voice but kept the same form for now. Dipper let out a growl.

“He would have been fine if he just did as I told him. He’s the one who deviated from the plan. It’s not my fault mortals are inefficient.”  
“You sure made him a paranoid mess at least.”  
“We made a deal I gave him what he needed. He failed me and I took what he owed me.”  
“A deal made from deceit.”  
“Enough!”

Fire erupted around and Shifty jumped back, hissing at the blue flame. He didn’t have much time to recover either because he was hit in the face by a briefcase wielded by Soos. It knocked him back and he switched forms to his natural form.

“Dipper, that thing’s creepy!”  
Mabel said, attaching herself to Dipper’s leg.  
“I know sweetie, and this is a good example of where running is best so all of you get going!” 

Dipper quickly put a ring of fire around Shifty and ushered everyone out of the tunnels and every room after while Shifty made some rather scary noises. Dipper sealed rooms as they went until they were back on the surface, safe and in one piece.

Bill sat in the grass first and everyone followed suit.

“Well, that was fun.”  
He said and received a few looks.  
“We’re safe and I have my pen so I’d say this was a success.”  
Dipper agreed.  
“It sounds like you and the author have some history.”  
Wendy said hesitantly after a minute of silence as everyone calmed down from the excitement.  
“Yeah. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”  
Dipper replied, sounding bitter.  
“Anyways, I have to give kudos to Soos this adventure for not only finding my stim pen but for hitting Shifty. I’ve personally always wanted to hit that little shit.”  
“Thanks dude! I think…”  
Soos said, not sure that was a good reason to be complemented. Bill raised his hand.  
“Pine tree, what was Shifty anyhow?”

“Shapeshifter. Author hatched him from an egg and tried to raise him but he turned out evil. I warned him keeping that thing would end badly but he was like ‘no Mason, I can raise him to be good.’ ‘No Mason, I can handle it.’ ‘There’s no reason to worry at all, Mason.’ I gave him a big fat I told you so when things went south.”

Dipper spoke the quotes in a mocking tone while clicking his stim pen repeatedly. Bill clutched the journal a bit tighter, not fond of Dipper’s clear annoyance. Clicking the stim pen seemed to be curbing the demon’s frustration however so they probably didn’t have to worry about anything catching on fire.

“Oh.”  
“I’ve always hated him. I’m surprised he thought looking like me was the best option. Guess he thought I was gone since sixer jumped ship. Or, more accurately, got pushed overbroad.”  
Dipper said, chuckling at his own word play.  
“I say good riddance.”

Everyone else exchanged glances at Dipper’s open distain of what sounded like both Shifty and the author. This is the most Dipper’s ever said about the author and Bill took note that Dipper being sufficiently bitter is one of the moods that’ll make him talk.

Dipper’s clicking slowed before fulling stopping. He took a breath and, once calm, his mood did a 180.

“Alright! Let’s head back, it’s getting late.”

The fact Dipper was smiling like nothing had happened was a bit unnerving given his previous mood but everyone just shrugged and went with it. Dipper being in a good mood was preferable and none of them wanted to break the allusion and make him grumpy again.

“Hey Soos, what’s in your hand?”  
Mabel asked as they all walked back to the shack.  
“Oh, I found this sciencey briefcase in the bunker. I hit shifty with it so I guess I never put it down. It’s like locked with a code or something. Weird huh?”  
Bill appeared out of nowhere as soon as the word code was said.  
“I heard code! Where’s the code?”  
Mabel laughed at her brother’s enthusiasm and perfect timing.  
“It’s on this briefcase think, dude.”  
Soos held up the brief case.  
“Give me! I want to solve it!”  
“Manners Bill.”  
Dipper reminded from a few feet away.  
“Sorry, can I please have it? Or borrow it or something. I love codes! Pretty please.”  
Bill begged.  
“Sure dude.”  
Soos gave the case to Bill who smiled like he was just handed a treasure.  
“Thanks Soos!”

Bill hugged the case to his chest the rest of the way back. Once back of the shack Wendy left for home. Soos gave Dipper back his lab coat before also going home. Dipper put the coat over his arm, not quite what he wanted to do to it, and took his kids inside. 

He made sure they ate something before letting them go to do as they pleased.

Later that night once everyone was asleep Dipper left and went back to the tree above the bunker. He destroyed it as best he could without making too much of a ruckus and welded the where the metal plates in the ground met what was left of the tree so they could not open again. 

No one will ever be getting in or out of the bunker ever again.

Ford won’t have any places to run.


	15. Dipper Drives Without a License

“Where did you get a lab coat?”  
Stan asked and Dipper finished inputting numbers into the machine.  
“Your brother gave it to me.”  
Dipper replied, cryptically.  
“Figured I might as well wear it since it turned up again.”  
“Right… what exactly _were_ you and Ford, anyhow? You never specified and if he’s coming back I have a right to know since you’re under my roof too.”  
“We were…”  
Dipper paused for a moment, searching for the right word.  
“ _Partners_.”

His tone held no small amount of malice and Stan decided to drop the subject. After few more quiet minutes of Dipper imputing numbers the note book was finally closed and Dipper got up. He made a noncommittal gesture for Stan to follow him and walked through the door into the portal room.

He stood by the lever and waited for Stan to catch up.

“I presume you’d like to pull the lever? It’s the only way you’ll have done any of the work today.”  
“Yeash, you’re been grumpier since you came back from where ever you took the twins.”  
Stan said. Dipper gave him a look.  
“Pull the damn lever.”

Stan grumbled something about Dipper being impatient and stepped forward. He grabbed the lever with both hands, took a deep breath, then pulled it. For the first time in 30 years it moved, switching the portal on and powering it up.

“It’s working!”  
“Of course, it’s working. I helped you get it running.”  
“Let me have this.”  
“Whatever.”

-

Dipper sat on the floor on the living room with Mabel on the floor in front of him. He was brushing her hair in preparation to braid it as Mabel had requested of him. He had no reason to refuse. He’s done a bit of everything over his vast history so it’s not like he was learning something new. 

Sure, he couldn’t do anything more complicated than a fishtail braid but Mabel was 12 so he should be fine with just that for now. When she’s older and has prom and such Dipper will learn whatever he needs to so he can do her hair the way she wants. 

He’d rather help his kids with what they need himself than leave it to someone else.

Bill was on the recliner rationing his one soda of the day as Ducktective played on the TV. The Pines parents never had soda in the house so Bill and Mabel rarely got it until moving to Gravity Falls. Same with other sugary snacks.

Bill and Mabel are both naturally hyperactive. Their parents were smart enough to not keep sugary food and drink products that could enhance their children’s energy around the house. Dipper didn’t blame them and quickly put a limit on Bill and Mabel’s sugar intake once they relocated to Gravity Falls.

That means, after a certain number of ice creams Dipper will cut Bill off from the ice cream cooler and Mabel juice has not been invented in this dimension. That also means the twins are limited to one soda each a day. It may seem harsh but two hyperactive kids on a sugar rush is a lot even for a demon to handle.

It was pretty quiet except for the TV now that Bill had taken a break from trying to open that briefcase Soos found in the bunker, so when there was a hard knock on the door it drew all their attention.

“Bill, answer it.”  
“Aw, pine tree, why do I gotta?”  
“I’m busy. You’re not.”  
“You’re just brushing Mabel’s hair.”  
“And you’re just watching TV which is less interactive than what I’m doing. Get the door.”

Bill huffed but set his soda on the dinosaur skull and got out of the recliner. He walked out of the room ready to tell who ever it was to go away. He wasn’t pleased TV time was interrupted but when he opened the door his mood changed.

Pacifica was there looking a bit awkward.

“Paz?”  
“Oh, uh… I mean…”  
Pacifica seemed unsure what she wanted to say. Luckily for her, Bill had already thought up an explanation.  
“Did you come here because you decided you’d rather be our friend than our enemy?”  
Bill was bouncing and grinning. Pacifica watched him for a moment.  
“Something like that. You’re getting a bit-”  
“I knew it! Come on we’re watching Ducktective!”

Bill interrupted then grabbed Pacifica by the wrist and dragged her all the way back to the living room with him. She didn’t really have any say in the matter. Bill dragged her into the center on the living room, still grinning. 

“Pine tree! Mabel! Paz came to hang out with us!”  
Bill said. Pacifica didn’t really know what to do so she stayed silent. This isn’t what she was prepared for. Mabel lit up.  
“This is great! Paz you should sit here and we can paint each other’s nails and Dipper can braid your hair too. This will be so much fun!”  
Pacifica was floored that Bill and Mabel were totally down and excited to be her friend after the way she had acted at the party last week.  
“Calm down you two. Bill, let her go.”  
Dipper said and Bill obeyed. Pacifica rubber her now free wrist.  
“It’s nice to see you princess. Bill gets overzealous sometimes. These two are ready to be your friend but what did you actually come here for?”  
Pacifica took a breath.  
“I… I thought about what you said and I… I wanted to come and apologize for how I acted at the party. I uh…”

This was clearly hard for Pacifica to say but it also sounded like she practiced saying it. Dipper was looking like a proud parent since coming here and doing this couldn’t have been an easy feat for her. Pacifica noticed the way Dipper was looking at her and the fact Dipper was clearly proud of her gave the boost she needed to finish what she was saying.

“I don’t know how to make real friends.”  
Pacifica looked at Dipper for what she didn’t know but felt good when he gave her an approving nod, still looking proud. She’s not sure when the last time any adult had truly shown they were proud of her for anything, was.

“You’re welcome to hang out here, princess. Bill and Mabel are dying to befriend you.”  
“Wait! Wait. Wait.”  
Bill said.  
“Pine tree used a nickname! That means Paz is part of the wheel! The nickname is princess so that means she’s the crown, right?”  
“Correct.”  
Dipper confirmed. Bill grinned and hugged Pacifica.  
“Welcome to the wheel, Paz.”  
“The what?”  
“The wheel.”  
Bill said, releasing her.  
“There’s a wheel of symbols that when put together hold power. Each symbol represents a person and everyone in this room is on it!”  
Pacifica looked at Bill weird.  
“Uh-huh. And I’m the… crown?”  
“Yep! And I’m the triangle and Mabel is the shooting star.”  
“Then what’s Dipper?”  
“I’m a pine tree.”  
Dipper said with amusement.  
“Why don’t you sit and watch some TV with us, princess. If you want I’ll braid your hair after I’m done with Mabel.”

Pacifica ended up staying for a good few hours. She hadn’t exactly intended to but Bill and Mabel were being aggressively friendly and responded to her attitude good naturedly. She’d never been accepted by anyone so quickly and they didn’t seem to expect her to open up immediately.

She was invited back. At first, she wasn’t sure if she would go but the atmosphere at the Shack was a lot more positive than at home. Plus, Bill and Mabel were the only ones who legitimately wanted to be her friend. So, she kept coming back.

Bill and Mabel were thrilled. Stan didn’t seem to mind. She wasn’t in the way, the twins were happy, and Dipper the one who took charge of keeping track of them. As far as Stan was concerned Pacifica could come and go as she pleased. The twins’ other friends did.

Pacifica decided Bill and Mabel were both great to have as friends in their own ways. It was weird to have real friends that don’t leave at the first sign of anything going wrong, but in a good way, and she found herself at the shack quite often.

Then there was Dipper.

It was kind of weird how he seemed aware of what was going on in her life. He didn’t make a big deal out of it and wasn’t overbearing, never mentioning he knew anything but still being able to call things that bothered her off before she could even voice it bothered her. 

It was strange but refreshing in a way. The only expectation Dipper seemed to have for her seemed to be treating his kids right. Nothing more. There was no pressure to be superior or the best and it was really, really, nice. 

Dipper seems to care about her for no other reason than she’s there and adults are supposed to care about children. There were no strings. It was just she was a child so, as far as Dipper was concerned, while she was there she was his kid too.

In truth, Dipper just adores children (though he has a bias towards and tends to only focus on the ones under his care) and he knows Pacifica needs an adult in her life who actually cares. Her parents aren’t great so he’ll be there to pick up the slack when he can.

It took a bit of convincing on Mabel’s part to get her friends to agree to have Pacifica attend their sleepovers. Pacifica had been mean to them in the past and Mabel wanted to take her friends’ feelings into account even though she knows Pacifica won’t be mean this time.

The day of the sleepover Candy and Grenda got there no problem. Pacifica wasn’t anywhere to be found. Mabel was getting kind of disappointed. Pacifica is usually on time. Just when it looked like she really wasn’t going to show up, the phone rang. Dipper answered it before Bill could get to it.

“Hello, Mystery Shack, we put the ‘fun’ in no refunds. Dipper Pines speaking.”  
“Uh, hi Dipper. This is Pacifica.”  
Dipper brightened.  
“Ah. I suppose your calling about the sleepover?”  
“Yeah. My parents found out where I would be going and said I’m not allowed to hang out with commoners. I don’t like calling you guys that but that’s what they said.”  
“Did they now?”  
“I really wanted to come. I like it over there better than here. Tell Mabel and Bill I’m sorry I can’t come.”  
Dipper thought a moment.  
“You know I think I should have a talk with your parents. Stay out of trouble. I’ll be right over.”  
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”  
“Don’t worry, princess. Your family owes me more than a few favors. See you in a few minutes.”

Dipper hung up the phone before Pacifica could object further. He rubbed his hands together like a villain with a scheme and walked into the living room with a grin. All four kids were there watching Ducktective and they all looked up when Dipper entered.

“Whoever wants to come help me pick up Pacifica from her house go get buckled into Stans car. I’ll meet you out there in a second.”  
“I call shot gun!”

Bill shouted then was out the door. Dipper didn’t wait to see who else was going to participate and instead went to snag the car keys from the kitchen. With them in hand, Dipper stuck his head into the mystery museum where was just about to lead the current tour group into the gift shop.

“HeyStanI’mgonnatakeyourcartopickupPacificathanksbye!”

With that said Dipper booked it. He got into the driver’s side, turned on the ignition and floored the gas going in reverse until he had room to do a dare devil turn around and zoom off the Mystery Shack property. He was gone before Stan even managed to get outside to yell at him.

It was safe to say the kids, which appeared to be just Bill and Mabel both of whom seemed to be regretting their decision, where not prepared for this. How they didn’t crash or get stopped by police is a mystery to the twins. 

They did however make it to the mansion gate, which is on the other side of town, in 8 minutes flat which really should not have been possible. At least Dipper, who was not wearing a seatbelt, clearly had fun but he was the only one who did.

“Are we dead? I think we might have died.”  
Mabel said from the back seat.  
“Do you even have a driver’s license?!”  
Bill asked, still clutching at anything he could grab.  
“My driver’s license expired August of 1936 and it was a fake anyway.”  
Dipper said with far too much glee.  
“Come on let’s get your friend.”

The twins got out of the, thankfully parked, car with Dipper. The gate was closed but Dipper fixed that with a bit of magic. The three of them walked up to the front doors. Dipper didn’t knock, instead just walking into the building like he owned the place.

“Oh Northwests! I’ve got a bone to pick with you.”  
Pacifica was in the room as were her parents and all three turned around when Dipper burst in.  
“How did you get in here?”  
Pacifica’s father said, looking like he was about to call someone to kick them out.  
“Oh please, Preston, it was easy. You couldn’t keep me out if you tried.”  
Dipper said with a dealmaker’s grin. Recognizing Dipper was going to do his thing Bill and Mabel went over to Pacifica.  
“Hey Paz, do you have your stuff for the sleepover ready?”  
“Um. It’s still in my room. But I called to say my parents said I couldn’t go anymore. Dipper just insisted he was going to talk to them.”  
“Oh.”  
Bill and Mabel said at the same time, simultaneously catching on to what Dipper’s real plan was.  
“Pine tree will take care of it.”  
“Yup.”  
“Let’s get your stuff.”  
“But-”  
“Trust us.”

The twins got Pacifica to show them where her stuff was so they could help her carry it. Meanwhile, Dipper was circling Pacifica’s parents like a shark. He was still jazzed from driving and now he’s not only getting to help Pacifica but also get paid something he is owed. 

He snapped and the people coming to kick him out froze in place. That drew the Northwest’s attention.

“Don’t be scared. I’m not here to hurt you. This time at least. I’m here because you owe me and I wish to be paid.”  
Preston narrowed his eyes.  
“Who are you?”  
“Oh, don’t you recognize me? My image is everywhere.”

The room did indeed have Pine tree imaging everywhere, many of which had a singular eye. When Dipper said ‘everywhere’ all the pupil of the eyes shifted to be looking directly at the two adults Dipper had stopped circling and was now standing in front of.

“I can see through any image of me you know. I usually choose not to as I know the importance of privacy but recently, with you, I’ve made an exception.”  
After Dipper said that, Preston seemed to catch on.  
“That means you’re…”

Preston’s eyes widened a bit and he and his wife took a step back. Dipper laughed at that in a slightly unhinged way. Seeing them cower a bit did something for his demonic side but he was having a good time and didn’t feel the need to control it. In helping himself he is helping Pacifica.

Sometimes Dipper really loves his job.

“Yep. It’s me, Mason, the master of the mind and most powerful demon you’ll ever meet!”  
Dipper switched to leaning back in the air with one leg crossed over the other, feet completely off the ground now that he’s no longer allowing himself to be affected by physics.  
“I already know exactly who both of you are so and now you know who I am so, let’s talk about why I’m here shall we.”  
“Yes, we should go in a different room to talk.”  
Preston suggested.  
“Nope. We’re talking right here.”  
Dipper sapped bringing up blue fire to keep his targets put.  
“That devil’s trap you’ve got in there wouldn’t keep me anyway. Yes, I knew about that. Eyes everywhere remember? Plus, don’t forget, I’m in your head and there’s nothing you can do to keep me out.”  
Dipper said, eyes flaring black.  
“Nice try though. Now, back to business.”  
Dipper switched so he was sitting in the air crisscross. He snapped and a rather large binder fell into his lap labeled Northwest.  
“Aren’t you going to offer us a deal?”  
Preston asked and Dipper snorted in derision.  
“Your family alone has given me three binders worth of deals. I’ll be profiting off your sorry asses for ages. You’ll have to offer me something pretty worthwhile if you want my help again.”  
Dipper said as he flipped through the binder.  
“So, no, I’m not here to make a deal per se. You could say, I’m here to collect payment.”  
“Payment?”

“Yes, Pricilla. Payment. Hey, Preston, did you know your father sold your soul to me while you were still an infant? I don’t normally let people sell me _other_ people’s souls but I don’t like you that well so I made an exception. I’ve let you keep it thus far but I can take it at any time.”

Dipper laughed at the Northwests’ expressions.  
“Oh, you fear me. Now doesn’t that just make my night. It’s been a while since I’ve been shown proper fear.”

A tug on Dipper’s shirt brought him slightly out his demonic side and he looked down at the person tugging on him. It was Bill who had absolutely no fear of Dipper what so ever even though he was clearly getting more demonic that usual.

“Pine tree, not that seeing you do your demon things isn’t fun, but we got Paz’s stuff so can we go now? Candy and Grenda are still waiting for us at the shack.”  
Dipper blinked once, twice, and after the third time his eyes returned to normal.  
“Right, I got a bit carried away, didn’t I?”  
“A bit yeah. Normally I’d be real into it but you promise to do science experiments with me and we’re burning daylight here.”  
Bill replied.  
“Yes, yes, I remember. Go put her stuff in the car and I’ll finish up here real quick.”  
“Ok. I’ll fill Paz in about you too. Have fun making your deal.”  
“I will and I’m cashing in favors not making deals.”  
“Whatever pine tree.”  
Dipper ruffled Bill’s hair before letting the child go back to his sister and Pacifica.  
“What do you want with our daughter?”  
Pricilla asked, still surrounded by fire with Preston.  
“Ah-ha! Here we go.”  
Dipper pulled out one document from the binder then made the binder disappear. He stood back on his feet and stood in front of Pacifica’s parents.

“Ok, here’s the deal. Pacifica is friends with my kids and they are upset you won’t let her spend time with them. This document is a deal I’ve made with your family. I have fulfilled my end of it so it’s time for you to fulfil your end by doing something for me.”

“Which involves our daughter.”

“Yes. Let Pacifica spend time with who she wants. She’s 12. Let her live. Having to be the best at everything all the time is too much pressure for a child. She shouldn’t have to be better than everyone else. Let her make mistakes and ask questions and do things her own way sometimes.”  
Dipper said.  
“Let her explore, and get messy, and try new things even if they aren’t to your rich aesthetic. I get you want to keep an image but that shouldn’t be her whole identity. If she doesn’t trust you enough to be open about her life, wants, and interests then you’ve failed as parents.”

“Are you trying to tell us we’re bad parents?”  
Dipper gave Pacifica’s parents a hard look.

“I’ve taken care of a lot of kids in my time and raised the two kids I have now successfully. They are wonderful, intelligent, kind, and creative. I could never ask for more and they aren’t afraid to tell me things or ask for help. So yes, not only am I calling you bad parents, I’m saying you’re doing a worse job than a literal demon. Think about that.”

“So, what you’re asking is?”  
Dipper ran a hand over his face.

“Maybe I do talk to much. Ok, what I’m saying is be nicer to your daughter, let her try new things even if they aren’t a perfect princess thing, and for the love of Axolotl let her hang out with her friends whenever she wants. Just be better parents and if you pull that bell on her one more time I’m coming straight for your soul. Got it?”

Pacifica’s parents gave affirmatives and Dipper nodded.

“Ok, good. I’ll put a payment fulfilled on this deal but this is how you pay me back so if you stop doing what I've asked of you it goes back to being unfulfilled and you owe me again and because there’s a child involved it will be more than double. I may just take her from you all together if you don’t get your shit together and actually be competent parents.”

Dipper used magic to sick the deal document into a binder which then poof-ed back out of existence. With that Dipper turned and started walking towards the door. He pulled the keys out of his pocket but paused at the door.

“And don’t think about changing the decor. My image being everywhere is part of another deal your family made so unless you fancy losing this mansion I’d keep images of me right where they are and unblocked. I’ll have your daughter back to you later and remember, _I’ll be watching you._ ”

Dipper then left and everything inside the house went back to normal. Dipper walked down to the car and got in the driver’s side. It appeared Bill was in the back seat with the girls this time. Dipper shrugged it off and plugged the key into the ignition.

“Everyone bucked up?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Yup.”  
“Uh-huh.”  
“Great!”  
“Dipper, are my parents ok?”  
Pacifica asked before Dipper could turn the key.

“Huh? Oh yeah, they’re fine. They should treat you better though. That bell should be gone for good and you won’t have any trouble seeing your friends anymore either. If you encounter a problem tell me and I’ll fix it for you. Your family owes me about 3 binders worth of favors. Getting your parents to do literally anything I want won’t be a problem. I could probably make them balance a ball on their nose like a seal if I felt like it. Now we’re off!”

Dipper turned the key in the ignition and Bill and Mabel automatically held on to the seat. Dipper managed to make the car go in a full circle backwards at full speed before shredding through the lawn and onto the main road.

Dipper had the gas pedal floored the whole way back. Many turns were taken on two wheels to varying degrees. At one point, no wheels were touching the ground for a few seconds. The children screamed the entire way. Somehow Dipper managed to not hit anything _and_ park the car perfectly back at the Mystery Shack. Somehow the car was undamaged and had half a tank of gas left.

“Who taught you to drive?!”  
Pacifica asked horrified, still holding on to Bill for dear life. She had grabbed one twin and held on. She hadn’t cared which one. Dipper turned off the car and turned to look in the back seat.  
“Bootleggers in the probation era.”  
Dipper replied cheerfully.  
“I was taught to drive like I have a car full of illegal booze and the cops are on my tale because that was usually the case. The 1920’s were so much fun. I was a bootlegger and in the mob. It was great.”  
“Well you have a car of children not booze so maybe drive safer and not floor it next time.”  
Bill said. Dipper rolled his eyes and turned back around.  
“Yeah, yeah, I was just having some fun.”

Dipper got out and so did the kids. He helped Pacifica with her things and everyone went inside. After the kids were settled, Dipper went to put the keys back and found Stan waiting for him not that he was especially surprised by that. Stan held out his hand for the keys.

“You hurt my car?”  
Dipper dropped the keys into his hand.  
“Nope. Your car is safe, the kids are safe, and if I was delivering bootlegged alcohol to you none of it would have been confiscated by the cops.”  
“What?”  
“I learned how to drive by being a bootlegger for the mob during prohibition. It was one of the many fun things I did while in the mafia.”  
Stan seemed to realize what that meant about Dipper’s driving skills and was immediately on his feet.  
“If I find one scratch on my car I’m kicking your demonic butt.”  
Stan said, stalking out of the room.  
“Have fun with finding something that’s not there.”  
Dipper called after him.

-

“Ok, what should we do now?”  
Bill asked, sitting on the floor with the girls. The adventure to get Pacifica had already been recounted to Candy and Grenda who were now glad they had opted out of that.  
“This is a girl’s only sleepover Bill. You’re not invited.”  
Mabel said. Bill looked offended.  
“What? I’m your friend too.”  
“Yeah but we’re going to do girl things like make-overs and stuff.”  
“I like getting my nails done.”  
“Fine, we’ll call you when we do our nails and you can participate in that. You won’t like the other stuff and you’re supposed to do science stuff with Dipper anyway.”  
“Ok, fine. Point made. Have fun.”  
Bill got up and left the room to look for Dipper and after a quick search, he found Dipper in the kitchen like he had been waiting for Bill.  
“Ready for some science, Bill?”  
“Yeah, and since you almost killed me and my sister with your driving-”  
“You had your seatbelts on. You were fine.”  
“ _Since we almost died_ , I want whatever we do to be really messy and involve an explosion of some kind.”  
Bill requested decisively. Dipper thought for a minute.  
“Ok. I can work with that. Get your journal we’ll need a few things from the forest and get Soos too. We’ll need his help building this thing.”  
“On it!”

Bill said gleefully before running off to get Soos and his journal. He was thrilled Dipper was going along with his requests. While he was gone Dipper pulled a notebook and pen from the void and began listing what they needed and sketching schematics. 

\- 

It had been a few hours and the girls had moved from the living room to the attic. Pacifica’s had a decent time so far and Candy and Grenda have warmed up to her. Doing girly things is a lot more fun when she doesn’t have to keep face during the whole thing. 

Pacifica isn’t really as obsessed with boys as Mabel, Candy, and Grenda though. After boy talk, the Calling All Boys pre-teen edition board game, and the introduction of one age-inappropriate romance novel Pacifica decided to take a few minutes break from the boy crazy stuff. 

“I’m gonna go take a bathroom break. Keep reading without me. I’ll be right back.  
Pacifica said.  
“Ok. You know where the bathroom is?”  
Mabel asked.  
“Yeah, I do. Thanks.”  
Pacifica left the room and closed the door then walked all the way down the stairs only to lean against the hallway wall and let out a breath. She's not sure how many more clique romances about a manic pixie dream girl and her dark and mysterious male love interest she can handle in one sitting.  
“Paz?”  
“AH!”  
Pacifica jumped as Bill appeared from the laundry room next to her.  
“Hey, no need to freak out. It’s just me.”  
“Geez Bill, don’t scare me like that."  
Pacifica said and Bill laughed.  
“Sorry. You get tired of the boy talk up there?”  
“A little. It's not exactly my thing. Don’t tell Mabel.”  
“Oh I got cha."  
Bill winked at her.  
"Wait! I didn't mean-"  
Bill put a hand on her shoulder.  
"It's ok, Paz. Your secret’s safe with me."  
Pacifica relaxed a little.  
"Thanks Bill."  
"Hey, if you need a break from the cash grab that is clique heteronormative romance you should come help me, pine tree, and Soos finish the science experiment we’re doing. It'll be fun.”  
"Uh, sure. Why not." 

Bill grinned excitedly at her agreement then grabbed Pacifica by the hand and dragged her along with him without giving her time to change her mind. Pacifica soon found herself outside in the backyard where a card table and a long fold table had been set up. 

Bill tugged her over to Dipper who was fully committing to the science aesthetic by having, along with regular safety equipment like goggles, his lab coat on as well as having a clipboard. He looked like a college grad student that was here to oversee an experiment for his senior thesis. 

“Pine tree, Paz needs a break so she’s gonna help too.”  
Dipper looked at them.  
“Alright. She’s going to need goggles, plastic gloves, and give her the smock. Her clothes are nicer than yours.”  
“Right.” 

Pacifica was given all these things which she hesitantly put on. She can’t say she’s ever been much into science, it was never encouraged in her, but this did look intriguing and she was already out here. She might as well see this through. 

Dipper beckoned everyone over. 

“Alright. So, Pacifica missed the building and gathering phase but she can still participate in the rest. I’ll explain what we’re doing what we’re doing again so we’re all on the same page.”  
Dipper said.  
“Basically, it’s a baking soda volcano but better. Baking soda and vinegar aren’t going to give the explosion Bill wants so we’re making our own mix. We already built the volcano.” 

The card table had a rather large volcano sitting on top of it. Dipper walked to the opposite side of the long fold table so he was across from everyone. The table had a bunch of different ingredients and tools set out neatly on it. 

“Alright, I’ll help and I’m here for questions but I want you guy to figure out what to use and help mix it up. Experimenting is fun and I’m here to make sure it’s safe or, at the very least, that you don’t die. Have at it.” 

Dipper said. Bill dragged Pacifica closer to help him. Dipper had everything label with what it was and what it did so if one thought about it and consulted Dipper about their idea they could probably figure out what mixing them would do.

Dipper guided them so it was safe but everyone got hands on participation. Pacifica never had interest in science but maybe it’s just the bookwork she finds boring. The hands-on part was fun. It felt really great when they successfully finished they’re mix. It was an accomplishment. 

“Hey dude, where’d you get all this sciencey stuff anyway?”  
Soos asked.  
“Yeah, pine tree, where _did_ you get some of this stuff?” 

Bill also wondered. Dipper glanced around for an excuse because he’s not telling them there is an entire room in the basement full of science and chemistry supplies left over from Ford’s reaching days. They don’t even know there is a basement. 

“Isn’t he magic? Can’t Dipper do pretty much anything?”  
Pacifica asked. Bill looked at her then at Soos and shrugged.  
“She has a point.”  
Dipper let out a breath. Crisis averted.  
“Ok, everyone put on your goggles and stand back. I’m going to add everything together. I already put a bit of a combust-shroom in the volcano so this should really blow.” 

Everyone took several steps back and Dipper dumped the mix into the volcano before backing up as well. There was a rumbling bubbly noise then a loud boom as the volcano erupted. Foamy goop went everywhere. Everyone was decently covered. 

“Whoo! That was awesome!”  
Bill cheered, the foamy mix still steadily flowing out the volcano.  
“Paz, what did you think?”  
“It’s in my hair.”  
“Yeah but it washes out.”  
“How can you be sure?”  
“Because pine tree know how much I hate my hair being dirty. If it was going to hurt my hair, protection would be provided.”  
“Seriously?”  
Pacifica asked, previously unaware about how serious Bill was about his hair.  
“Girl, you don’t get hair as vibrant and soft as mine by not taking care of it. I wash it every day.”  
Bill said.  
“Now, besides your hair, what did you think? Better than talking about boys for hours am I right?”  
“Well, I’ve never done hands-on science before but I guess, yeah, it was fun.”  
Pacifica conceded and Bill grinned.  
“Well if you ever need a break from that girly crap you can go on adventures with me and pine tree. We do all kinds of fun shit!”  
Pacifica smiled a little.  
“Yeah, maybe.”  
Dipper walked over to them.  
“Ok kid, I’ll get your hair cleaned up then you two go back inside. I think Mabel is probably looking for you guys. You’ve been out here a while. Soos and I will clean up.” 

Dipper snapped and cleaned the goop off the kids. Both Bill and Pacifica were glad their hair was clean again. They gave Dipper their goggles and other safety things and went inside like they were told. They stopped in the living room. 

“Is your hair really _that soft?”_  
Pacifica asked. Bill snorted.  
“Of course. Feel it for yourself.”  
Pacifica reached up and ran a hand through Bill’s hair.  
“Dang, it’s softer than mine. What’s your secret?”  
“Loriel, because I’m worth it.”  
Bill said striking a pose. He held it for a moment before breaking form and laughing while Pacifica rolled her eyes.  
“I’m kidding. It’s mostly natural but I only use shampoo with certain ingredients in it. I can give you a list of what to look for if you want. Just remember, expensive doesn’t always mean better.”  
“There you guys are.”  
Pacifica looked over to see Mabel and her friends.  
“We’ve been looking for you.”  
Bill noticed Pacifica looking guilty for being gone so long and came in for the rescue.  
“Sorry ladies, I swiped ya girl from you. She helped me and Soos and pine tree with our experiment. So, it’s my fault she took so long.”  
“Was your experiment that huge boom?”  
Grenda asked.  
“Yup. We made a volcano.”  
“Well, you don’t have to steal Paz anymore.”  
Mabel said. Bill scoffed at that and slung his arm around Pacifica.  
“Nuh-uh. She had fun and is gonna be my adventuring buddy now. You have to share.”  
Mabel blew a raspberry at him and Bill stuck his tongue out at her. She rolled her eyes.  
“Well, we were gonna paint our nails now so we came to get both of you.”  
“I’m down. What do you say, Paz?”  
Pacifica nodded.  
“Yeah ok.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FORD COUNT DOWN: 3 CHAPTERS TO GO


	16. The Twins Give Dipper a Gift

“I gave him perfect clear instructions, you know? I helped him. Then what does he do in return? Breaks our fucking deal. He’s more trouble than he’s worth honestly.”  
Dipper said, spinning slowly in the one desk chair that was in the basement while lounging in it incorrectly.  
“Stanley are you listening? Your brother’s a piece of shit, Stanley. Did you know that? Stanley did you know that?”

Stan rubbed his temples. Dipper had found some 30+ year old weed in the chemical storage closet and had decided to smoke it since he didn’t want to be there and figured it might be more fun high. He claimed he just gets buzzed and will quietly zone out.

If that’s the case, what he smoked was definitely contaminated by something because Dipper’s higher than a kite and instead of being buzzed out is talking non-stop which is not what Dipper said would happen. Stan doesn’t have a reason to believe Dipper would lie about affects. Either way he has put up with this all night now.

“I was nice to him. How could he do this to me? I did so much for him. How could he hurt me like this? It was so mean! He was so mean to me! I trusted him and he was mean! Stanley, he was so mean! I tried to explain and he wouldn’t listen!”  
Dipper whined like a child being refused something, still slowly spinning in place.  
“He called me evil, Stanley! I’m not evil, I just do bad things sometimes. Everyone does bad things sometimes! It hurt my feelings so much. I thought we were friends. Sure, I was using him but you can be friends with the people you’re using. It’s possible. Why did he have to be so mean?”

Stan rubbed his hands over his face. Stan wished he could sit back but he was sitting on a crate because Dipper occupied the only chair. He’d kick Dipper out of the chair but he’s afraid if he’s mean to Dipper in this state the demon might actually start crying and that is not something he can handle. 

Dipper acting like an upset child was bad enough as is, it’s debatable whether Dipper was even aware what he’s saying, and Stan’s not making it worse. At least the portal is doing well. It’ll be fully operational very soon. Then he’ll get Ford back- Stan glanced at Dipper- and will have to face any hurdles that come with that.

-

Dipper was in a bad mood. He wasn’t feeling very great after smoking that weed last night. It got laced with something that is still being filtered out of his system. It’s not supposed to be like this. He’s supposed to be able to control effects.

Whatever that weed was laced with was meant to affect demons. It can’t hurt him exactly, but it’s sure making him feel awful. His energies will fight it off and it’ll get out of his system by the end of the day. Until then he’s not going to be doing much.

He hasn’t been sick in millennia and it’s safe to say he’s not handling it well.

“Uhhhhhgh.”  
Dipper groaned, face resting on the kitchen table. Stan rolled his eyes while he started the coffee machine.  
“This is your own fault.”  
“Shut your fuck, Stanley.”  
Dipper replied miserably. He felt to awful for there to be much of a bite to his words. Stan leaned against the kitchen counter.  
“Yeah, yeah, and what did we learn from this?”  
“Uhhhhgghhhghhghh.”  
“ _What did we learn?_ ”  
“Don’t smoke things that have been in a chemical closet for 30+ years?”  
“Yeah. Why did you even think that was a good idea?”  
“Because shut up.”  
“That’s not-”  
“Because. Shut. Up.”

Stan poured himself some coffee then started making pancake batter while Dipper stayed where he was with his head on the table making occasional miserable groaning noises. It was annoying but less so than the whining he was doing last night.

“I’d offer you some ginger ale but I know you don’t like to eat.”

Stan said passively. That statement warranted Dipper putting in the energy to move enough to give Stan a weird look. Ginger ale would be easy on the stomach. He doesn’t know why Stan would even consider assisting him in any way. Last time Dipper checked they weren’t friends and only tolerated each other for the twins’ sake.

“Uh, thank for the consideration I guess?”

A short while later Bill and Mabel walked into the kitchen. They were dressed already minus their shoes. Bill’s socks were mismatched and his hair still looked wet from his morning shower while Mabel hadn’t put a sweater on over her t-shirt yet.

“What’s for breakfast?”  
Bill asked, more awake than Mabel.  
“Stancakes.”  
“Awesome.”  
Bill hopped into the chair next to Dipper and immediately noticed he wasn’t acting normal.  
“Pine tree are you ok?”  
“Uhhhnnhhggghhhhhmm.”  
“Pine tree?”  
Bill sounded worried. Mabel looked concerned as well.  
“Leave him alone, knuckleheads. He ain’t feeling great today though I think he’s being a bit over dramatic about it.”  
“I’m not being over dramatic.”  
Dipper whined.  
“I haven’t been sick in thousands of years. It’s terrible.”  
“It’s still your own fault.”  
“Leave me alone.”

Dipper said, growing even more whiney. He doesn’t feel good. Dignity is for other people. He can get embarrassed about his behavior when he feels better. Bill and Mabel exchanged looks while Stan just rolled his eyes and set some stancakes on the table.

“Oh Axolotl, I can’t handle the smell of human consumables right now.”  
Dipper got up and left the room. The twins watched him go then looked at Stan.  
“Is Dipper going to be ok?”  
Mabel asked.  
“I’m sure he’ll be fine sweetie. He’s magic. He’ll get over it.”  
“But he’s never acted like this before.”  
Bill said. Stan grunted.  
“Well, some people are real babies when they’re sick.”

After breakfast Bill and Mabel found Dipper laying on the living room floor in a T pose. His eyes were closed and he was making occasional quiet whining noises. Bill got on his knees next to Dipper while Mabel stood on his other side.

“Pine tree are you ok?”  
Dipper opened his eyes. The worry in Bill’s voice reached him enough to pull himself together a little bit.  
“It’ll probably take all day for this to get out of my system but I’ll be fine. I’ve just never done well with being sick.”  
“Is there a way to help you feel better?”  
Mabel asked.  
“I just need some rest. So no adventures today. The best thing you can do is chill out and behave because I can’t follow you around today.”  
“Ok, am I still protected?”  
Bill asked.  
“I’m sick not defenseless. You’ll be fine.”  
Dipper replied. The answer seemed to satisfy Bill. He gestured for Mabel to follow him and they left the room so Dipper can rest. Shortly after Dipper’s voice could be heard from the living room.  
“Why am I so warm? I’m not supposed to feel temperature! What is happening to me?!”

-

Bill and Mabel had spent most of the morning in their room, playing games and trying to chill out so Dipper can just focus on kicking whatever bug he’s caught. From what they’ve overheard whatever he’s got is mostly just making him feel shitty and is giving his form cold and hot flashes.

It doesn’t sound that bad but Dipper _isn’t supposed_ to feel like that and he really isn’t handling it well.

“I think we should do something more for Dipper.”  
Mabel said as she and Bill colored in drawings they made on a piece of paper as a makeshift get well card. Bill nodded.  
“Yeah, I don’t think a card’s enough. He does so much for us all the time and we never get him anything.”  
“Exactly. We’ve got to pick up the slack. What type of little siblings are we if we can’t sometimes show our big bro we appreciate him.”  
“We don’t have any money to buy him anything though, which is a bit of a problem.”  
Bill pointed out.  
“I don’t think he’d particularly want something from a store anyway, Bill. Also, he’d definitely think the store is too far for us to go without him.”  
“Yeah and we should surprise him anyway.”  
“What does he even like?”  
“Uh… He loves us.”  
“Well duh. We gotta think harder than that, bro-bro.”  
Both twins thought for a few minutes.  
“He likes smoking and sending people night terrors.”  
“He likes drawing with me and science.”  
“He really likes explaining things.”  
“He’s really nerdy.”

The twins were at a complete loss. It was a lot harder to think up gift ideas than they thought it would be. Dipper was their big brother and they know him like they know each other. They know his personality, his quirks, how to make him laugh, and what triggers send him into a panic. 

They know _him_. 

The problem was, his thing had always been raising them. He wanted to care for them and protect them and help them be the best they can be. He’s never shown interest in other things. Dipper’s never mentioned wanting anything that didn’t have to do with being their big brother. 

He’s never talked about wanting anything and nothing in a store has ever even drawn his gaze. He can’t make a lot purely out of magic but he has the money to buy himself literally anything. Yet, while he loves spending money on them, they’ve never seen him purchase anything for himself besides cigarettes. 

There had to be _something_ he’d want, right?

“Maybe the journal can give us some ideas?”  
Bill said and Mabel shrugged.  
“Worth a shot.”

Bill got up and took out the crowbar from under his bed and used it to pull up the floor boards hiding his book stash. Dipper helped him make the spot not so obvious but now it took a bit more than just his nails to pull the boards up.

Only his most precious books are in the hiding spot now as he has officially acquired too many to fit. Dipper helped him move the rest into the bookcase in the closet after helping him fix the floor boards. That’s another thing they need to thank Dipper for. 

He not only helps them complete big projects but also buys Bill so many books and gets Mabel so much craft stuff all the time. They go out for more every Saturday without them even having to ask. Dipper is just really determined to help them and provide things for them because he loves them so much.

Bill pulls out the journal then set it aside so he could fit the boards snuggly back down. He left the crowbar on the floor for later use and went and sat next to his sister with the journal. Mabel knew better than to touch it so she just leaned on Bill so she could see as he flipped through the pages.

“Uh… no, no, he’d kill us if we went near that one, no.”  
“Wait, Bill go back!”  
“Ok.”  
Bill flipped a few pages back until Mabel told him to stop.

“Look, the journal says if you scare a plaidypus it’ll drop its pelt which can be made into the best flannel ever. Dipper loves his flannel. I have sewing stuff so if we work together we can make Dipper a new flannel shirt!”

“Mabel, that’s perfect! You’re brilliant. I’ll get the backlight and my protection necklace real quick then we can go.”  
“Yeah!”

The twins high-fived then got off the floor and gathered what they needed into Bill’s backpack before running back downstairs together. They tried to play it cool while they took a detour through the kitchen and made their way to the door and outside.

Dipper probably won’t be happy they aren’t telling him they’re going out but as long as Bill has his necklace they are allowed to go a short distance from the shack by themselves. They’re almost teens and Dipper knows they need an increasing amount of freedom as they grow up.

He will protect and care for his kids but he won’t smother them.

Bill and Mabel trotted off into the woods but they made sure not to go too far in. They want to catch a plaidypus not attract something bigger. After finding a nice hollow in a tree they worked together to build a nest as close to how the journal said to as they could.

Mabel put a cookie she took from the kitchen in it as bate then they hid and waited. After about 15 minutes a gnome stole the cookie. Bill launched a rock at it making it run away with the cookie. They didn’t have any more bait so they just waited.

They’d probably been out there an hour when they heard some snuffling. They quietly peaked out of their hiding spot and… success! There was a plaidypus in the tree hollow snuffling around for cookie crumbs and making its self comfy.

“So, what do we do now?”  
“Uh…”  
Bill checked the journal.  
“We gotta scare it and it’ll drop its pelt then we gotta comfort it and apologize for scaring it.”  
“Ok. On three. 1… 2… 3!”

Bill and Mabel jumped out while making a loud noise and the plaidypus squeaked and dropped its pelt. Bill collected it while Mabel scooped up the plaidypus and cuddled it until it felt better then let it go. After it had escaped into the bushes Mabel turned to Bill.

“How’s the flannel?”  
“It’s perfect except…”  
Bill held the pelt up.  
“I think we’ll need more than one.”  
Mabel sighed, looking at the size of the pelt.  
“Yeah. We’ll need more than that.”

They went back inside for more bait, to have lunch, and get a pack of cards to pass the time then went back out. After a couple hours, they had a couple more pelts and had decided it would be a good idea to have an extra in case of mistakes so they were getting the last one.

They were experts at this by now and jumped the thing as soon as they saw it in the tree hollow. Its squeak was just as scared as the others’ had been. Mabel scooped up the poor thing while Bill got its pelt.

“We should have enough now.”  
Bill said. Mabel gave the plaidypus a kiss then let it go.  
“Let’s get back inside.”

Bill shoved the latest flannel into his backpack with the others and gathered the other things they brought out. Once everything was gathered they went back inside together, talking about their plans for this flannel.

They went back up to the attic with all their stuff so they could get to work. Bill got out the flannels they had collected and laid them out in neatly folded piles while Mabel started pulling out all her sewing supplies and everything else they’d need.

“Well, they’re not all the same color but we’ll make it work.”  
“Bill, I just remembered I don’t have Dipper’s measurements.”  
That would be an issue. They can’t get the size wrong; it would ruin the whole gift.  
“Ok. What if I stole pine tree’s current flannel? Could you work off that?”  
“Yeah I think so.”  
“I’ll be right back.”

Bill left the attic and went downstairs to look for Dipper. He didn’t actually know where Dipper was though. He asked Stan but all Stan cared about was that Dipper wasn’t around him being annoying. It took an absurdly long time for Bill to find him.

Dipper was in a room Bill didn’t even know they had. Everything inside was pretty dusty like the room hadn’t been opened in 30 years and there was a teal carpet rolled up and leaning against the wall next to the door. Across from the doorway was a sofa and that’s where Dipper was curled up.

Bill approached cautiously. Dipper was on his side facing away from Bill and there was a pillow under his head.

“Pine tree?”

Bill wondered for a moment if Dipper was asleep which was a concerning thought considering how Dipper never sleeps. After a moment Bill was relieved to receive a reply, though Dipper still sounded pretty out of it.

“What is it? Am I needed?”  
“Uh, can I borrow your flannel? I need it for unsuspicious reasons.”  
Without commenting on the unsuspicious part or even rolling over, Dipper reached up and pulled his flannel off the back of the couch and kinda just tossed it over his shoulder to Bill.  
“Have fun.”  
“Thanks pine tree. Are you getting better?”  
“Mm-hm. I’m gonna remain on low power until I’m 100% but I’ll be back to normal before it’s your bed time.”  
“Ok. I love you, pine tree.”  
“Love you too, kid.”

Bill took the flannel back up to the attic. Mabel had everything she’d need out and ready. The next few hours were spent with the twins working hard together, measuring, cutting, and sewing to create a new flannel for Dipper.

Mabel knew more about sewing than Bill so he mostly just followed her instructions. They had a lengthy discussion on colors over dinner, a meal Dipper didn’t even show up for. They had to make it look good despite the fact none of the pelts were the same color.

In the end, the front back and each sleeve were a different color flannel. The last thing was the breast pocket and they used the extra flannel for that. It really didn’t look half bad though. The twins were pretty proud of their work. They even found and decorated a box to be a makeshift gift box. 

Pines never half-ass things they consider important. It’s all or nothing.

It was getting late so they decided to give Dipper his present now. They gathered the flannels and the get-well card neatly into their box then Bill lead the way to the room Dipper was still in. They peaked inside to see how Dipper was doing and saw him sitting up looking not miserable.

“Dipper!”  
“Pine tree!”  
Dipper looked over as Bill and Mabel came over to him.  
“Hey kids, sorry I was out all day.”  
“Are you ok now?”  
“Yep. It’s out of my system now and I feel much better. I’m sorry I acted so immature about being sick. It’s not an excuse but I’m just not used to being affected by things.”  
“It’s ok, pine tree.”  
“Yeah, we forgive you.”  
Dipper smiled.  
“Thanks. So, what have you two been up to all day?”  
“We made you a gift.”  
“Really?”

Bill and Mabel handed Dipper the box. It wasn’t big or heavy but this was a group effort and they wanted to present it together. Dipper looked at the lovingly decorated box. The twins had drawn on it and put stickers and glitter all over it.

“Open it.”  
“I am, I was just admiring your box decorations.”  
Dipper took the top off the box and picked up the folded paper that served as the make-shift get well card. He looked at it and read it with a smile on his face.  
“This is really sweet. You two are really improving artistically.”  
“Look at the other thing! Look at the other thing!”  
Bill said, bouncing in place as he excitedly waited for Dipper’s reaction to what they made for him.  
“Other thing?”  
“Yeah, Dipper, we didn’t spend all day just on a card.”

Mabel said, also anxiously awaiting Dipper’s reaction to his other gift. Dipper set the card aside and looked back in the box. After a second he pulled out the flannel and held it in his hands, feeling the fabric. He was looking at it with an unreadable expression and the twins started getting nervous.

“Uh, we thought really hard about what you’d like as a gift and- and-”  
“And you always wear a flannel over your t-shirt so we thought…”  
“You might like one we made.”  
“You two made this?”  
Dipper asked.  
“Yeah. We get a bunch of plaidypus pelts cause the journal says they make the best flannels.”  
“We promise we didn’t go very far. And Bill had his protection necklace the whole time.”  
“None of the plaidypi were the same color so that’s why it’s not all one color.”  
“Is it ok?”  
Dipper looked at the twins for a moment then he was putting the flannel on. It fit perfectly.  
“It’s not ok. It’s perfect. Come here both of you.”

Dipper set the box aside then he was on his knees on the floor hugging Bill and Mabel close to him. It was like he was trying to squeeze as much love into them as possible. The twins relaxed at the clear approval and hugged Dipper back. 

“So you like it?”  
“I love it. I’m gonna wear it all the time.”  
“And you don’t mind it’s all different colors?”  
“No, I like it. It’s unique. No one else is gonna have a flannel just like this so it’s special. I love you two so much.”  
Dipper gave the twins a good squeeze before releasing them.

“I wasn’t expecting to get a gift. This was really nice of you two to do. I normally only get things through deals which is a business transaction not a gift. I haven’t gotten a gift since… since a very long time ago. So, thank you for this.”

It was clear that this really meant a lot to Dipper.  
“Well,”  
Bill said.  
“You’re always taking care of us and protecting us and getting us stuff and being the best big brother ever but we’ve never really done anything for you.”  
“Yeah, you do so much for us all the time. We wanted to let you know we appreciate it.”  
Dipper smiled.

“Oh, you two. I treasure the gift but you don’t need to reward me for doing all that. Caring for you is a reward in its self and I love both of you more than anything. It’s my job to take care of you two and I don’t want you to feel like you have to repay me for that.” 

“We know but we still wanted to do something nice for you.”  
“We figured now would be a good time to do so since you weren’t feeling good.”  
“The other option would have been your birthday but we don’t know when your birthday even is.”  
“Do you even have a birthday?”  
Dipper laughed.  
“I’m older than the universe, kids. I was created way before even the first prototypes of your calendars were conceived. So, no, I don’t really have a birthday.”

To be fair, Dipper did have a birthday back when he was human but he wasn’t human anymore. The twins made disappointed noises. Dipper ruffled their hair affectionately then gathered the box and get-well card off the sofa.

“So, pine tree, I was wondering.”  
Bill started and Dipper looked over at him.  
“Yeah?”  
“What is this room anyway? And what’s with the rug?”  
“Oh, well, I’m not sure why this room was hidden. The author and I played Dungeons, Dungeons, and more Dungeons in here all the time. It was away from everyone so I decided to chill here.”  
“Isn’t that the nerd game that’s more math than anything and nothing like the picture on the box?”  
Mabel asked.  
“Yes. It’s fun.”  
“Nerd.”  
Bill said. Dipper rolled his eyes.  
“ _Anyway_ , the rug over there is experiment 78. I don’t know how it got laid out in here. This is not where I left it but, hey, it’s been 30 years. I rolled it up before I laid down.”  
“It’s a sciencey experiment thing?”  
Bill asked with interest.  
“Yeah. It’s an electron carpet. If you build up a static charge on it you can switch bodies with another person by touching them.”  
“Cool!”  
“Not cool. It’s not as fun as it sounds. I’m burning it out back tomorrow.”  
“Did switch bodies with the author and have a bad time or something?”  
“No, I wouldn’t go near that thing. Switching bodies with someone is close enough to possession for me to have a panic attack. I’m not purposely triggering myself.”  
“Oh, I forgot you had a thing about that. Can we come watch it burn?”  
“Yes, you can. Now it’s getting late. You should both go get ready for bed.”  
“Will you hang out in our room with us for a while?”  
Mabel asked.  
“Sure thing. Go get ready and I’ll come up in a second. I gotta do one thing first.”

The twins left to get ready for bed. Dipper took a moment to look at the get-well card again, smiling at the care put into it. He loves his kids. After gathering the box and card he sent his old flannel to the void then got up and went over to a table in the corner.

There was a pair of glasses there that he swiped. He went to the kitchen and put the card on the fridge with a magnet then made his way out to the living room. Stan was there in his recliner as he figured he would be.

“Here. I figured you’d like these.”  
Dipper handed Stan the glasses.  
“Ford will want them back when he gets here.”  
“Thanks?”  
“No problem.”  
There was a semi-awkward pause.  
“You feeling better?”  
“Oh, yeah. I’m sorry about the way I acted. I don’t really have an excuse. I just… things aren’t supposed to affect my physical being.”  
Dipper wasn’t expecting to be clapped on the back after a second of silence but that’s what Stan did.  
“After you take care of the kids come back here. I want to have a talk with you.”  
Dipper gave Stan a weird look.  
“Ok…?”

He replied cautiously. Stan didn’t say anything else and Dipper just kind of backed out of the room. Stan wants to talk with him? That’s a first and Dipper is not sure what to expect. Honestly, he was kind of nervous. What in the multiverse could Stanley Pines possibly want to talk to him about?

Dipper made his way up to the attic like he said he would. He finds himself walking places rather than teleporting at a more frequent rate. Bill and Mabel were already on their beds in their PJs. The room its self was still pretty messy from all their work.

Mabel was coloring one of the sketch books Dipper draws in while Bill was trying to unlock the brief case again. Dipper could tell he was getting frustrated but he was going into it blind so it’s not surprising he’s having trouble. They looked up when he entered.

“Pine tree!”  
“Hey, sorry I took so long.”  
Dipper said, setting the box on the desk then sitting in the chair.  
“It’s ok, Dipper.”  
“You guys are going to have to clean your room tomorrow.”  
“Aw.”  
“Lame.”  
Bill and Mabel complained and Dipper laughed a little.  
“Ok, if you clean your room well enough I’ll take you out for ice cream, how bout that?”  
“Yeah!”  
“Ok!”  
Dipper smiled.  
“Alright, but you gotta clean it really well. I’m talking organization, taking the trash out, and sweeping. You won’t get anything if you just hide the mess.”  
“Yeash pine tree, we get it.”

Dipper stayed in the attic until the twins went to sleep. It only took about an hour. After he went back downstairs. He half hoped Stan was asleep so he could avoid this mysterious talk he wanted to have, at least for the time being. He can’t outright avoid it since they work alone together in the basement every night.

Much to Dipper’s disappointment, Stan was in fact still awake. His shoulder sagged a bit as he approached the recliner. This feels really weird. Dipper hates being so clueless as to what’s coming next. Never the less, he stopped next to the recliner.

The TV was the main source of light in the room and Dipper just stood there silently, not sure what to do in this situation. 

“Sit kid.”  
Dipper almost jumped when Stan spoke out of nowhere which showed just how on edge this situation was making him.  
“I’m not a kid. I’m older than your entire species.”

Dipper said but knocked the empty can of Pitt off the dinosaur skull and sat on that anyway. His weight is an illusion so he’s not going to break the thing by sitting on it. The TV was the only noise in the room for a minute or so.

“What is this about, Stan? You always actively avoid talking to me and you suddenly changing your mind on that puts me on edge. You’ve actually been really nice to me today and I don’t know why. You even gave me a freaking pillow when I’d settled to rest in the back room.”

“Do you remember anything you said last night?”  
Stan asked and Dipper looked at him worriedly.  
“No? The sage in the blunt makes all of last night really hazy. Did I say something weird?”  
“You whined about Ford like a child for several hours.”  
“Oh. Sorry I bet that was super annoying.”  
“It was but that’s not what we’re here to talk about.”  
“Then why’d you… oh. I said something else didn’t I? Something that warrants a conversation.”  
“Yeah. You started talking about home.”  
“Home?”  
That wasn’t good.  
“And being human.”  
“Human…?”  
Dipper didn’t like where this was going.  
“And your family.”  
“Oh no.”  
This was bad. This was really, really, bad. 

“I thought you were talking about us but when I corrected you on something you told me you weren’t talking bout me you were talking bout a different Stan. Now I might not be the smartest cookie in the box but I have a feeling there’s a bit more here then you’re telling.”

Dipper slid off the dinosaur skull and seated himself on the floor so he could properly curl in on himself.  
“Oh Axolotl.”  
“Mind explaining?”  
“Do I have to?”  
“I ain’t no phycologist but I’m pretty sure you’ve got some baggage and keeping that shit in don’t help no one.”  
“I don’t need help. I am perfectly capable of dealing with my own trauma by myself. I can cope without therapy. I don’t need help.”  
Dipper said but it sounded practiced. He’s told himself that over and over a lot.  
“And how’s that working out for you?”  
“I… I’m fine. Sock puppets still give me flashbacks but I’m fine.”  
“Sock puppets?”

Stan prompted. If there’s one thing he’s learned about Dipper it’s that, unless he is dead set on not telling you something, if you keep prompting him he’ll keep talking. Stan heard a lot of things last night and if his assumptions are correct, their relationship doesn’t have to stay a stalemate. 

“My sister tried to impress a boy by making a sock puppet rock opera. Would have been more enjoyable if I wasn’t possessed the entire time. Was in the hospital for 3 days. I had so many nightmares after that.”  
Dipper was hugging his knees to his chest while he just talked without thinking. Stan knew enough. There was no point in being secretive.  
“So, you had a sister?”  
“My twin sister.”  
“Is she also a demon?”

“I hope not. I hope everyone has it easier than me. We all were sent different places. It’s awful. Imagine being a human kid then suddenly, you’re a demon and in another dimension and you don’t know where your friends and family are or if you’ll ever see them again. It’s just you, alone, for trillions of years with the only thing keeping you going being the fading hope that one day, maybe, you’ll get to go home and see all the people you care about. That you’ll go back to being a 12-year-old kid.”  
Words were coming out of Dipper’s mouth and he didn’t know how to stop them as he grew more and more upset. Talking about this wasn’t fun but he couldn’t stop himself.  
“Deep down you know it’s probably a lie. You’ll never get the chance to go home. You’ll be stuck like this forever. Trapped as the very same type of being that tried to kill you and everyone you cared about over and over and even got you into this stupid fucking situation. Things always go wrong when you try to make your own way. It’s hard to be a demon when you don’t want to be a demon. I’m disgusted by some of the things that entertain me now. I have to fight my own nature. I just… I just…”  
Dipper wiped his eyes on the sleeve of his new flannel, not that that stopped the tears.  
“I miss my mom and dad. I miss my sister. I miss my Grunkles. I miss my friends. It’s hard. You and Ford and everybody are alternate versions of my family, of my friends. You’re fundamentally the same but at the same time you’re nothing alike. You hate me. I messed up with Ford so badly and I feel terrible about it but my demonic side is still so mad at him. It feels cheated and forces me to be angry and bitter about him. What’s the point of being powerful and knowledgeable if I keep messing up?”

They didn’t go down to the portal that night. Dipper had never told anyone this stuff but once he got going he couldn’t stop. To be fair he did feel better afterwards. It was good to get all that out. Crying felt pretty good too and he cried hard. 

It’s hard to find people to talk about this stuff to when you’re a demon.

Stan ruffled Dipper’s hair occasionally. The affection was awkward and kind of rough but Dipper still appreciated it. He pretended it was his Stan doing it instead. They ended up just watching late night TV in a comfortable silence for most of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 chapters until Ford


	17. Fiddleford Regrets Moving Back to Gravity Falls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to wait one more day I really was but I'm to excited about bringing this back.

Dipper and Stan both agreed never to mention the talk they had a couple days ago again but they've been infinitely friendlier towards each other ever since. 

Stan no longer views Dipper as an intruder in his house that's only allowed to stay to make the kids happy. Stan couldn't see him as anything but a predatory demon until that talk. Now he understands Dipper better and in a way, can relate.

Dipper is just a person who loves his family and is trying to make the most out of the bad hand he was dealt. He's done some bad things because of the conflicted interest in his self but he tries his hardest to be good. Stan can't fault him for that. It's actually pretty relatable in a way.

Dipper was human once and refuses to let that part of him die. Stan can respect that. 

They're just two conmen with a love of family who actually get along really well now that they aren't enemies.

Bill, on the other hand, thinks something weird is going on. Dipper and Stan were enemies since the day they met with absolutely no desire to change that or even be in the same room. Now they're suddenly best buds and it happened out of seemingly nowhere.

Mabel told him he should just be happy they get along now. Stan treats Dipper like he actually _is_ their big brother now instead of a supernatural menace and they should be happy because it feels like they're all a big family now. 

Plus, Bill is so sensitive to heavy conflict he really should just be happy the tension is gone. 

"I don't know why they're getting along now."  
Bill said, furiously working on the briefcase lock.  
"It's weird. They hated each other. What changed?"  
Pacifica looked at Bill then at Mabel who rolled her eyes.  
"Bill, shut up and be happy they get along now. You cried because they were fighting. You don't get to be upset that they stopped."  
Mabel said, slightly annoyed because Bill had been on this for the past 10 minutes. Bill huffed.  
"First off, don't tell Paz I cried. I'm cool and have an image to keep."  
"You're a huge dork and everyone knows it."  
Pacifica said. Bill gave her a look.  
" _Anyway_ , second of all-"

*Click*

Bill pause and looked down at the brief case. It was unlocked. 

"Holy shit."  
Bill whispered then looked up at the girls.  
"It's open. I opened it. I did it!"  
Bill was successfully distracted from the previous subject so Mabel decided to encourage the change of topic. Plus, she wants to know what the author had in his super special secret brief case too.   
"Open it bro-bro!"  
"This is the one you found in a bunker, right?"  
Pacifica asked.  
"Yeah and it's taken me forever to find the code. Now here we go."  
Bill laid the brief case down and carefully opened it. Everyone just looked at it for a moment.  
"It's not a brief case. It's a laptop."  
"Oooh, turn it on. See if it works."

Bill looked around for a power button, eventually resorting to just pushing buttons. He must have hit the right thing somewhere because the screen showed some green binary code for a few seconds before blinking out again.

"Uh, I think it's broken."  
Pacifica said.  
"Well it is like, 30 years old."  
Mabel pointed out.  
"It worked a little though! Maybe pine tree can help."  
Bill suggested. The girls shrugged.  
"Worth a shot."

With nothing better to do, Bill gathered the laptop and all three children got up to look for Dipper. Doing that was better than coloring while Bill complained, that's for sure. They found him (and Stan) in the living room having a conversation about The Duchess Approves that was playing on the TV.

"So obviously he should back off, right?"  
Stan said.  
"Mm-hm. If he wanted her hand he should have made a move at the cotillion. It's also pretty shitty to crash a wedding in general. Not that this is particularly historically acturate."  
Dipper agreed.  
"Yeah, but this guy is shitty."  
"True."  
Mabel saw her brother make a weird face and she shot him a warning look.  
"Hey Dipper."  
"Oh, hey kids. Need something?"  
Dipper said, walking over.  
"Yeah, Bill opened the brief case."  
"It turns out it's a laptop."  
"It's broken. Can you fix it?"  
"If you needed comprehensive plans on how to build a computer and/or write all the code I could be of use but I can't actually build or fix it. Sorry."  
"How can you make working instructions but not be able to follow them?"  
Pacifica asked.   
"Uh, well"  
Dipper said while cringing like he was remembering an embarrassing amount of failed endeavors.

"If I was good at the building part of making things many of my past, uh, _projects_ would have gone so much smoother as I wouldn't have had to rely on humans. While I love you and wouldn't change you, as a whole, your species use of free will and ability to have beliefs and opinions about _everything_ is incredibly inconvenient at times."

"So, what you're saying is Bill's been working on that for a week and a half for nothing?"  
Mabel said.

"I'm sorry Mabes. I can't fix the computer. If I tried it'd end up way worse than how it started, trust me. I can make the plans and I can run the machine but the only thing my building skills have ever been good for is sabotage." 

Dipper explained. Mabel gave him a disapproving look and it made him feel just as guilty as it had when it had come from the Mabel in his original universe. Dipper's hands were tied however. He isn't good at putting machines together to the point where he'll only build or try to fix them as an act of sabotage. 

If he could do it himself he wouldn't have even _needed_ Ford for the portal. 

He'd just have made deals to get materials and space he needed for it and used his vast infinite knowledge to build the needed parts humanity hadn't invented yet. He would have put it together all by himself and would not have had to deal with the inefficiency that comes with humans.

"WAIT! Wait. Wait."  
Bill shouted and everyone turned to look at him.  
"Yes, Bill? Do you have something you'd like to share with the class?"  
"I just remembered! When we were handing out flyers for that party I talked to a friendly old guy in the parking lot! And- And-"  
Bill was bouncing like he always does when he's excited and talking really fast.  
"Bill, take a couple slow deep breaths then continue at a speed under Mach 5."  
Dipper instructed and Bill did so until his breathing had calmed down enough for him to talk normally though he was still bouncing slightly.

"Ok, like I was saying. When handing out flyers in the parking lot there was a friendly old guy who got to his car right as I was gonna put a flyer on it. He said he fixes electronics! He can fix the laptop! What was his name? I don't remember his name."

Dipper sighed.  
"You mean specs?"  
"Yes! Yes, yes, yes! Can we go? Please! Please!"

Dipper watched bill bounce excitedly, holding the laptop tightly to his chest, then looked at the other two. Pacifica was passive but Mabel was sending him a look that promised repercussions if Dipper crushed Bill's dreams again. 

Bill tends the more sensitive of the two of them and Mabel will throw down when someone upsets him. Bill would fight for Mabel just as fiercely but Mabel has always done the most protecting of the two. Growing up she'd punch anyone who she saw bullying Bill, ignoring that Dipper was also trying to fix the problem. 

The school's solution was to separate her and Bill instead of fixing the bullying problem. For a while, Dipper had to work extra hard to solve the problem before Mabel took matters into her owns hands because she'd rather get in trouble than let anyone make her brother cry. 

Thankfully, Dipper's since taught them to start with trying peaceful solutions or, if that's not going to work, to at least ask him for help before resorting to violence. Mabel's still willing to fight but she, thankfully, doesn't immediately resort to that anymore.

Dipper sighed.

"Ok, here's the plan. We're going Summerween shopping later but it's only like 11AM right now, so I guess we can stop by spec's place and see about the laptop, ok?"  
"Yes!"  
Bill cheered and Mabel gave Dipper a nod of approval. Dipper looked over at Stan.  
"Looks like you're watching the rest on your own, Stan."  
"Yeah, yeah, you can take the car on the condition that you stay under the speed limit and obey all the rules of the road."  
"You once let a bear drive."  
"It's either that or you're walking."  
" _Fine_. Killjoy."

Bill quietly whispered "what the fuck" while Dipper went to retrieve the keys and was making that face again. Stan's willingly let Dipper use his car? Something weird _has_ to be going on here. He knew Dipper all but begged Stan to let him drive the car again sometime because he loves driving but Bill never thought Stan would _actually agree_. 

What Bill didn't know is that Stan made Dipper prove he could drive responsibly first, which meant practicing in the Shack parking lot for more than a few nights while the kids slept. Stan was anything but easy on Dipper during this, not willing to accept less than perfect, but Dipper managed to pass.

Really, Stan only agreed because if there are two people who can drive in the house hold he can push all the errands he doesn't want to do on Dipper. Doing things for Stan in exchange for being able to drive there and use the car (with permission) in general is enough like a deal to make Dipper more than happy to run ridiculous errands he would have refused to otherwise.

Dipper made it very clear right from the beginning he will not work for Stan, but if Stan utilizes Dipper's natural love of deals correctly he can still indirectly make him pull his weight around here. 

"Can't you just teleport us there?"  
Pacifica asked when they were in the car. Dipper nodded.  
"Yes, but I like driving."

The kids were apprehensive but Stan had told Dipper to drive slow and safe and they'd definitely tell on him if he didn't listen. Dipper seemed to really like driving so he's probably won't endanger being able to do that even if he can't drive as fast or recklessly as he wants.

As they pulled away, Bill thought of something.

"Wait. How are we gonna find where to go?"  
"I know his address."  
Dipper replied.  
"Why?"  
Pacifica asked, suspiciously. Dipper thought for a moment as he stopped at a light.  
"Uh, I used to babysit his son."

That wasn't a lie though it's also not the reason Dipper know Spec's address. Tate was brought to Ford's house and Dipper watched him while Stanford and Fiddleford worked on the portal. Babysitting was probably one of Dipper's fonder memories of the project. He has such a soft spot for kids.

"Really? Babysitting?"  
Pacifica still sounded suspicious.  
"Yes, princess, babysitting. Believe it or not you three are not my first set of kids."  
"What does a demon get out of babysitting?"  
"Well, I can't speak for any other demon but the demon currently driving you across town just enjoys taking care of children."  
"Then why'd you initially not want to take care of me?"  
Bill asked curiously but without judgment.  
"There's a difference between a god forcing me to protect a human for their entire mortal life and choosing to babysit for a couple hours when I feel like it."  
"That's fair. You love us now though."  
"Yes, Bill, I love you all very much."

Dipper drove to the address and did so like a responsible driver instead of a bootlegger being tailed by the cops. No one felt like they were going to die at any point though Dipper still doesn't have an actual driver's license of any kind. 

After 15 minutes Dipper pulled up and parked on the street in front of a small but cozy looking house with well taken care of grounds. Connected to the building but on a separate lot was a huge mechanics garage that was _at least_ twice the size of the house. 

Everyone got out and the kids followed Dipper up to the front door of the house. There was a sign that said operating hours on the door. According to that the shop was open. Even if it wasn't Dipper wouldn't have cared. He rang the bell and waited.

After a moment the door opened to reveal a smiling Fiddleford McGucket. He was still tall, sane, and had most of his hair. His bear was also short, trimmed, and nicely kept up. Overall this was a functional human being, not a crazy hillbilly. 

"Miss me, specs?"  
Dipper said, grinning, and Fiddleford slammed the door in his face while making the sign of the cross over his heart.  
"Oh, come on specs! Is that anyway to treat an old colleague after 30 years?"  
"Why are you here?! What do you want from me?!"  
Fiddleford asked after opening the door exactly one inch so he could be heard.  
"Oh, calm your shit. I'm sorry I scared you, ok? I couldn't resist."  
"You never could! You're the reason I had high blood pressure!"  
"I'm not the only reason. Sixer helped."  
"Yes, between his lack of self-preservation and you terrorizing me my blood pressure was sky high."  
"Ah, those were good times. Anyway, I'm here because my kids need you to fix something. You know I'm shit at that."  
"Your kids?"  
Dipper stepped to the side, revealing his three kids that had previously been hidden from Fiddleford's view.  
"Yeah, my kids. I believe you've met Bill, but this is his sister Mabel and their friend Pacifica."  
Fiddleford opened the door all the way again. He looked at the kids then back at Dipper.  
"Why are you with three children? Why is a Northwest with you?"  
"Oh! Oh! Oh! I know that one! I can answer that one!"  
Bill said, raising his hand. Fiddleford looked back at Bill who, once he had attention, didn't wait for permission.  
"Pine tree is me and Mabel's big brother and Paz is our friend and hangs out with us all the time, so pine tree just considers her his kid too while she's with us."  
Bill grinned big. Fiddleford shot a glance at Dipper who shrugged.  
"What? Bill about covered it."  
"I have… questions but y'all can come in and I'll see what I can do ta help ya."

Fiddleford agreed hesitantly then let the kids and Dipper inside his house. He led them to the living room and the kids sat on the sofa while Dipper leaned against the wall. In true Sothern hospitality, Fiddleford offered the kids a drink and some cookies.

Dipper refused to let them have soda, so they settled with homemade lemonade. Once the kids had their treats, Dipper wasn't offered anything more out of spite than the knowledge he wouldn't want anything anyway, Fiddleford sat across from them.

"Ok, kids, what is it you need fixed?"  
Bill held up the laptop and Fiddleford recognized it immediately, casting a narrow-eyed glance at Dipper before returning to being pleasant to the kids.  
"Oh, and what's this ya got here? Can I see it?"  
Fiddleford asked. Bill paused before hesitantly handing the laptop over. Fiddleford opened it and checked the physical condition.  
"This is quite old, where'd you find it?"  
"On an adventure."  
Bill grinned.  
"I worked over a week to find the code for the lock. It turned on for a few seconds so it's probably fixable, right?"  
"Well, I'll see what I can do. Why don't y'all kids stay here while I give it a look over. Mason, why don't you come with me, I'd like a word."  
Dipper rolled his eyes but conceded.  
"Kids, if I come back and there are too many cookies gone I'm not gonna be happy with you."  
"How many is too many?"  
Bill asked.  
"You can have two each."  
"Four."  
"Three."  
"Deal."

With that taken care of, Dipper casually followed Fiddleford out of the room. They went to the garage which was full of projects and things to be fixed as well as organized blueprints of ideas still in the planning and concept stages.

They stopped by a desk that Fiddleford then sat down at. He didn't try to offer Dipper a seat, not that Dipper really cared. He just leaned on the desk instead, crossing his arms over his chest while he watched Fiddleford dig out some tools and plug in the laptop. 

"So, did you have something to say or were you just trying to keep me from being alone in your house and or with the kids?"  
Dipper asked and Fiddleford shot him a look.  
"You don't have anything to worry about. I'm not going to carve my image into your walls or anything. You're a paranoid hillbilly and I respect that."  
"Forgive my poor language but must you always be such a smug asshole?"  
Dipper grinned.  
"It's a hobby." 

Fiddleford scoffed at that to which Dipper rolled his eyes again. After an extended period of silence where Fiddleford just worked on the laptop Dipper started running out of patience with this. If they weren't going to talk he'd rather be with the kids.

"Either tell me what you want or I'm leaving."  
Fiddleford sighed.  
"Tell me why you're back. Stanford disappeared. The man living there now isn't him no matter what he says and I'm sure you know that. There's no reason for you to be here."  
"Ok, look, I'm going to give this to you straight. I'm here for the kids, Mabel and Bill, that's it. They live here now so I live here now. It's that simple."  
"What do you want with the children?"  
Dipper moved to sit on the desk since it looked like they might be here a while.  
"I'm their guardian. I've been at this for almost 10 years now."  
"Do they know you're a demon?"  
"I've never hid what I am from them. They've always known."  
Fiddleford tapped his finger anxiously on the desk.  
"I know you did a good job babysitting Tate for me way back when, but I still find it morally flawed to leave a demon in charge of children."  
"Without me they would be completely unsupervised. It's my job to take care of them."  
Fiddleford turned back to the laptop and started working on it now that it had a charge going.  
"If you hurt those kids I swear."  
" _Fiddleford_ , look at me."

Dipper said firmly and Fiddleford did turn to look at him. Dipper had never called him anything but specs before. He was met with a very dangerous look, a clear warning that Dipper wasn't messing around now and should be taken seriously.

"The kids _are_ safe with me. As far as I'm concerned, they are _my_ children, _my_ son and daughter. I love them more than anything and I _am_ going to protect them. You should be more worried about what I would do to anyone trying to separate us. I am not kind to those who wish to harm my children." 

Fiddleford felt an involuntary shiver go through him. Dipper can be downright menacing and right now he wasn't playing games.

"Alright. I'll keep that in mind."  
Fiddleford said. Dipper gave him a hard look then nodded, relaxing again. Fiddleford worked on the laptop for about ten more minutes before it made a noise and turned on.  
"It wasn't broken too bad. Just needed some parts replaced and some charging. You gonna be given this to back the young'ins?"  
"Bill will throw an absolute fit if I don't."  
"Then I'm gonna check the programing and clear out things he doesn't need to be seeing."

"That would be great except don't delete it just corrupt the files so they can't open and leave as many untouched as you can. He knows about the bunker already and has journal 3 so really the only thing I'm worried about him seeing is the portal."

Dipper agreed. Fiddleford shuddered.  
"You aren't planning anything with that are you? The portal I mean?"

"If I wanted to try my plans with the portal again I wouldn't have waited 30 fucking years. There are plenty of people out there I could easily trick into following my plan so it's not dependent on this location either. I'm done with the portal. When I'm ready, I'll try again with a new plan."

"That's… fair. What's your new plan?"  
"Don't you worry your hillbilly head about that. _You won't be alive to see it_."  
Dipper grinned at Fiddleford who seemed unnerved and scooted his chair further away.  
"Must you always be creepy and menacing?"  
"It's a hobby."  
"Bless your heart."  
"Nice try but I don't have a heart."  
Dipper knocked his fist to his chest a few times.  
"See? Completely empty."  
Fiddleford groaned.  
"This is going ta take a while why don't y'all go and I'll give ya a call when it's done."  
" _Fine_ , I'll find someone else to terrorize. Killjoy. Just phone the Mystery Shack when you're done and I'll come pick it up."  
"Wait. You're back in that house?"  
Fiddleford seemed alarmed.  
"Yeah. Bill and Mabel are Stan's family. That's why we live there. We're family."  
"Yourself included?"  
"It's complicated but I think Stan's warming up to me."  
"Right."  
"We've got summerween shopping to do so I'll leave you to this."  
Dipper got off the desk and headed for the door, giving a wave.  
"I would say I'll be watching you but you've blocked me out pretty thoroughly. See ya Specs."

Fiddleford waited until Dipper was gone then took a breath. Dipper's back, he can't believe Dipper's back. He doesn't trust that demon one bit. He wouldn't trust a demon on principal but nothing could make him trust Dipper after everything with the portal and all the terrorizing. 

Dipper is wonderful with children and that's his only redeeming quality as far as Fiddleford is concerned. He's still alarmed by Dipper being a parent. Babysitting for a few hours and parenthood are two completely different things.

He has spotty information about what's really going on, it's doubtful Dipper told him the whole truth. However, he has the laptop now. He made this laptop. He knows what's on it. He can use this to at least check to make sure the portal is still down.

God forbid there be a repeat of 1982.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter until Ford!!!


	18. It's Not Exactly Calm Before the Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More Transcendence AU references? Absolutely!
> 
> I really admire how big and well thought out that AU is even if it's not really my thing. It's so complex with complete arcs it's amazing.
> 
> Dipper's just poking fun at Alcor when really he definitely has a lot of respect for other demon him.

Dipper entered Fiddleford's living room and found his kids there. They were on the floor playing what looked like a modified version of black jack. Dipper's not sure where they got the cards from. They looked up when he stopped next to them.

"Hey kids, did you behave?"  
"Uh-huh. Pine tree, is the laptop going to get fixed?"  
"Yes but it's going to take a bit of time so Specs will call the shack when it's done."  
"You told him not to erase anything on it right?"  
"Of course. I made sure he knew you wanted it fixed but not changed."  
Bill beamed.  
"Thanks pine tree!"  
"You're welcome. Now let's go get Stan and head to the Summerween store."

The kids were herded back out and into the car and Dipper drove back to the shack. Once there Stan examined his car before deciding it passed inspection. He drove them to the Summerween store, making Dipper sit in the passenger seat.

Dipper led the kids to the costume aisle while Stan went for the decorations. Costume choosing was very important. Twin costumes got extra candy and the Pines twins were all about candy optimization so they had to pick carefully. 

Since Bill and Mabel don't look anything alike they have to work extra hard to seem like a duo because the people of gravity Falls haven't known them their whole lives and thus don't automatically know they're siblings.

While the twins were having fun, Pacifica seemed a bit lost. She'd never trick or treated before. It was seen as a commoner activity by her parents so she was never permitted to celebrate it. Now that Dipper's forced her parents into allowing her freedoms, she can finally experience it.

"You seem a little lost princess."  
Dipper said, drawing Pacifica's attention.  
"Oh, yeah, I'm not sure what to pick. Do you have to wear a costume?"  
"I guess you don't have to but it's more fun and you'll get more candy."  
"Won't it look kinda stupid?"  
Pacifica asked. Dipper was sympathetic.  
"Maybe but everyone else in town will also be in a costume. So, by that logic, everyone will look stupid which cancels out any need to be self-conscious."  
"I guess."  
"Hey, come on, all your friends are going to be dressed up, you should to. Trust me, you'll have more fun if you participate."  
"Ok."  
"Let's go find the twins. They'll help you out."

Pacifica followed Dipper around until they found Bill and Mabel. They were discussing some costume choices.

"We could be power rangers."  
"Yeah! I want to be the yellow one."  
"Bill that's a girl's costume. It has a skirt."  
"So?"  
Dipper cleared his throat.  
"Kids, princess needs some costume advice."  
"Ok."  
"We'll definitely help."

Dipper left them too it and went to pick out candy for Stan to give out. There will be no homework the candy this time. No loser candy. He will not allow that Summerween trickster mess to happen again. He's going to take the kids trick or treating and it's going to be fun and uneventful.

Change is on its way and the kids deserve something normal and fun before the stress and drama that'll happen in just a few days now. He's worried how Bill will handle it since he doesn't do well with stressful conflict between people he cares for. 

When Dipper returned the kids had sorted out their costume situation. Bill and Mabel had chosen to be pirates and Pacifica had a Sailor Venus costume she still seemed slightly critical of but wasn't prepared to argue over.

"Ready kids?"  
Dipper asked. He didn't like the way Bill and Mabel exchanged a look.  
"We've got _our_ costumes but what about you?"  
"Me?"  
"Yeah! This is the first time you'll be with us where everyone can see you. You have to dress up too!"  
Bill insisted and Mabel agreed.  
"Yes, exactly."  
"I'm not dressing up."  
"Pine tree _come on_!"  
"Please!"  
"Yeah, _please_!"  
Dipper ran a hand through his hair and thought for a moment, looking at his kids' pleading faces, before sighing.  
"I guess this once."  
"Yay!"  
Both twins cheered.  
"But I get to pick my own costume."  
"Ok."  
"What are you going to pick then?"  
Dipper shrugged.  
"Hmm… I could dress like Alcor. That would be funny. A demon going as another demon for Summerween. I bet he'd get a kick out of that."  
"Who's Alcor?"  
Bill asked.

"Oh. Alcor the dream bender. He's an alternate version of me from another universe. I've met him a couple times. Nice guy but his dumb wings are ridiculous. Don't tell him I said that though. Man, I wonder what he's up to this century? It's been a couple thousand years since I've seen him."

"If he's you wouldn't he look and dress like you?"  
Mabel asked suspiciously.

"Oh he's got a completely different look than me at least fashion wise. We've got different demon forms too. It's kind of elaborate but I can just shapeshift to look like him. I just have to tweak my physical form a little bit. Shouldn't be hard."

That seemed to be good enough for the kids and they went to find Stan. Once they were all together Stan led everyone out without paying. Dipper stopped at the check-out counter and gave the cashier a sympathetic look, paying for everything Stan stole himself before walking out to the car.

When the shack was decorated and it was finally time to trick or treat the kids changed into their costumes. Dipper fixed the Sailor-V bow in Pacifica's hair and braided Mabel's. He also took the eye patch that came with the pirate costume away from Bill. His eye sight is terrible enough without also getting rid of depth perception.

Candy and Grenda got there and everyone seemed ready except…

"Pine tree, you haven't changed."  
Bill pointed out.  
"Oh, right, right. One Alcor costume coming right up."  
Dipper cracked his knuckles and snapped. In a burst of blue flame he changed his appearance to copy Alcor's look.  
"There I even included his stupid bat wings. Happy?"  
All 5 kids stared at him.  
"You look weird in formal clothes."  
"I agree, they aren't normally my thing."  
"The black eyes and pointy ears are a nice touch."  
"Thanks, let's get going I feel really dumb in this."

Dipper yelled to Stan he's talking the kids out then led his small army of children out the shack and to town. Since everyone was dressed up no one batted an eye at Dipper's appearance. He's gonna have to mention this to Alcor next time he sees the guy. He'll get a kick out of it.

The night was uneventful as Dipper hoped it would be. Bill and Mabel's combined charm plus pair costume aesthetic earned them extra candy, they'd worked out a pose to do and everything. After all, who can resist two adorable pirates?

They didn't hit every house because an entire town, even one as small as Gravity Falls, is a lot for a 12-year-old to walk. They got tons of candy anyway and Dipper just teleported everyone back to the shack instead of making them go back on foot.

At the shack they did the candy exchange and Dipper changed back in to his usual look. He doesn't understand how Alcor can wear that all the time. The kids stayed up eating candy and watching bad horror movies the rest of the night, falling asleep in the living room.

Candy, and Grenda went home the next day with their candy. Meanwhile, Dipper gave Bill, Mabel, and Pacifica the "don't eat all your candy at once" lecture. Pacifica spent most of her time at the shack to the point where she keeps clothes here. Even Stan is more surprised when she's not there than when she is.

Dipper bought her a really nice air mattress along with a full bed set to use so she wouldn't have to sleep on the floor. He's slowly assimilating her into being his child because he doesn't think her parents are capable or even really interested and she deserves better.

Once the kids were in bed and asleep that day Dipper went to the basement with Stan. The portal was almost fully powered. Ford would be back very, very, soon and they need to be prepared for that day because it's gonna be rough.

"Ok, Stan, we need to talk."  
Stan looked over from the controls.  
"Bout what?"

"I'm gonna lay it to you straight. I've been through this, the portal opening and Ford coming back, once before. I know how that day went down but things are a bit different here. There are a few things I know for certain though and I want to tell you so you have an idea of what's coming."

Stan turned around fully in his chair.  
"Ok, spill it."

"Those FBI guys in town, you know the ones. I've been sending them mental suggestions to avoid the shack and it's worked but when full activation day comes day after tomorrow they will be alerted by the power spike and a simple mental suggestion won't keep them away. You may be arrested but play dumb and get away as soon as possible so you can be there for Ford. My Stan did it so can you."

"I was wondering why those two never showed up here. Anything else?"

"The FBI will be all over the place but I will take care of them so when you come back upstairs you won't have to worry about them. I will also handle the kids. I already have a plan for them to keep them safe, I just ask you to trust my judgment on that."

"I never doubt your judgment with the kids."  
Dipper nodded.  
"I'll do my best to keep my fighting with sixer to a minimum but I can't promise peace. He broke a very valuable deal and, as much as I would like to move on, I need to be paid before I can let it go."  
"So if he pays you, you'll quit being bitter and bitchy about him?"  
"Yes, I'll quit being 'bitter and bitchy' as you put it. I doubt Ford will be willing to sit down and negotiate with me on a price though."  
"You're probably not looking for money."  
"No. I do not accept that kind of payment. His price is too high to be paid off with currency anyway. I need something more… valuable."  
Stan's eyes narrowed.  
"Like what?"  
"That can be negotiated."  
"You ain't going to eat his soul or nothing, right?"  
"I am uninterested in his soul."  
"Good because-"  
Dipper held up a hand as an indication for Stan to be silent, head swiveling towards the elevator. Dipper stood.  
"Someone is in the house."  
"You sure?"  
"I put a magic border around the shack. If something or someone uninvited crosses the line I will know. I did this with their home in Piedmont too. I'm going to check it out."

Dipper teleported out of the basement and into the gift shop. The only light came from a flashlight being held by the intruder. They were examining around the vending machine like they knew something was behind it and were trying to find a way in.

"You know, it's not nice to break into other people's homes _specs_."  
The intruder, Fiddleford, spun around and pointed the light at Dipper. He was startled but also angry.  
"You!"  
Dipper tilted his head.  
"Me?"  
"You lied. Can't say I'm surprised. I reckoned you're story about not wantin' to try the portal again was a load of hooie and the laptop proved it."  
Fiddleford held up the closed laptop by it's handle like some sort of proof.  
"I'm gonna shut it down. I will not allow you to tear this world apart for your own gain."  
Dipper seemed simultaneously bored and annoyed.  
"I didn't lie."  
Fiddleford gave him an incredulous look.  
"I just told ya exactly what you lied about!"  
"But I didn't lie. I told you _I_ don't have plans involving the portal because _I_ don't. However, I never said there wasn't _someone else_ who did have plans for it."  
Dipper enunciated carefully.  
"I'm contractually obligated to help because of a deal but if I had a choice I'd keep that shit shut down. Bill's reckless enough without adding an active portal to the mix."

Fiddleford gave Dipper a hard look. He knew he could not fight a demon and win, especially not Dipper. His goal here had never been to beat Dipper in a fight. It had been to get down there and shut down the portal. That might have involved fighting Dipper but he didn't need to win, he just needed to hold Dipper off long enough to type in the self-destruct code. 

He may not make it out but at least he'd stop the world's destruction. 

Dipper says he doesn't actually want the portal on and is only doing this as part of a deal. Now, Fiddleford is a smart man. He knows Dipper loves deals and he knows Dipper loves his kids. Using that there may be another way to stop this.

"Mason, if you really aren't doing this for personal gain, help me shut it down. You claim you don't want it active. Then help me stop it. Your kids will be safer with it dead and gone. Help me and I'll recognize you really are here just for your kids."

Dipper seemed… tempted, just a little bit. He was envisioning what that would be like, having no portal to worry about and getting to just be a parent like he wants. For a moment Fiddleford thought Dipper may actually agree to this then Dipper sighed sadly and shook his head.

"I can't. I honestly wish I could but I can't. I can't do that to Stan."  
"Stan's behind this. Of course."  
Dipper narrowed his eyes and stepped forward until Fiddleford was cornered with his back against the vending machine.  
"Don't make a wrong move, specs. You don't understand what's going on."  
"I know what's going on! You're working with that imposter to bring about the end of the- hey!"  
Dipper had grabbed Fiddleford by the front of the shirt.  
"Let me show you what's going on. You won't believe my word alone."

Before Fiddleford could object everything went monochrome. The only color left belonged to him and Dipper. He glanced around, trying to make sense of the shifting landscape until it settled. They were still in the shack but it looked like it did 30-years-ago instead of present day.

"What- where-"  
Fiddleford was confused. Dipper just relaxed his body a bit.  
"Man, I haven't used this method in a while. Come on specs, we've got a memory to view."  
Dipper let go of Fiddleford's shirt and instead grabbed his wrist and began pulling him along.  
"Where are we?"  
"The mindscape, which is my realm so don't get any ideas. You won't survive here without me. Now, we're viewing a memory so keep up."  
Fiddleford swallowed hard, fear coursing through him at being in a place where Dipper is so powerful.  
"Memory? Who's memory?"

"Mine. I have eyes everywhere so the world is more complete otherwise we'd have to stay in my one point of view. I came up with this method of memory showing myself while messing around with manipulating the mindscape."

They walked outside and waited until young Stan, mullet and all, appeared in the snow and trudged up to the door holding a postcard. It happened much like it did in Dipper's original universe except when Stan and Ford went inside Dipper in his demon form could be seen following them in.

Since this is Dipper's memory they can see him but when this memory had taken place Dipper had kept himself invisible. Dipper pulled Fiddleford along so they could keep up with the memory. It all played out as it did in Dipper's dimension with the addition on a blue pine tree with one eye following and observing.

Once Ford had gone through the portal and it was over and done past Dipper seemed to sigh.

"May Axolotl grant Stanford safe passage through the nightmare realm. Now to help specs before he's to broken to fix."

Past Dipper blinked out of existence and the memory ended. The surrounding reverted back to present day gift shop though it was still grey scale since they haven't left the mindscape. Fiddleford, still scared, seemed to be processing everything.

"If everything we saw actually happened then Stan is… Stanford's brother?"  
"Yes. Stanley Pines."  
"And Ford disappeared because he accidentally got pushed through the portal?"  
"Right."  
"And Stan is activating the portal to bring Stanford back."  
"Mm-hm, and he took sixer's identity to keep the house so he could work on the portal."  
"Right… Then where do _you_ fit in to all this?"  
"What do you mean?"  
"I mean, it's kind funny how you get here the same summer as the portal gets activated."  
Dipper sighed.  
"I told you. I'm here for the kids. I have been their guardian since they were 3-years-old. They're parents aren't alive anymore, so they went to Stan and I followed. I'm here for them and only them."  
"Then why won't you shut it down?!"  
"It's not up to me! I don't even want Ford Back!"  
Dipper almost shouted.

"That man is a fucking pain in the ass and him showing up again is going to cause conflict. Bill doesn't do well with conflict. He's going to get upset. He's going to fucking cry because he can't handle the fighting. I hate seeing my son cry. It breaks the heart I don't have. As much as I'd like to get paid what I'm owed I'd rather go the rest of my existence never getting paid again if it'd mean Bill wouldn't have to cry."

Dipper gave Fiddleford a hard an serious look.

"I do not have a choice here. I made a deal but the portal would happen with or without my involvement. Be happy I was here to help. I can keep the kids safe on the day it goes down and I've been trying to stabilize the portal more while helping Stan. If it'll make you feel better I'll make a deal with you."

"I ain't making no deal with a demon!"  
Fiddleford hissed. Dipper rolled his eyes in annoyance.  
"You didn't even hear my offer."  
Dipper huffed. 

"If you stay away from the shack for 48 hours, I will personally go to the basement and wreck the portal after Ford returns. I'll cut wires, take a sledge hammer to the machines, ballast the damn thing to pieces, and anything else I have to make sure it can never be used again. I'd do that anyway but I know you wouldn't believe a promise which is why I'm offering it as a deal. Once we shake on it as long as you keep your end I'm contractually obligated to keep mine."

Dipper held out his hand. Fiddleford looked at Dipper then to his offered hand and back.

"I can keep you in here as long as it takes for you to agree, but if I lose my patience I can easily keep you locked here in the mindscape for the next 48 hours too."  
Dipper said darkly, eyes flaring black for a moment.  
" _Pick your poison_ , a deal with me or staying trapped in the mindscape for as long as I choose."

Fiddleford hesitated then squeezed his eyes shut and shook Dipper's hand. He had no other choice. Once the contract was sealed Dipper brought them back to reality. He stepped back from Fiddleford to give him space.

"That wasn't so hard, was it?"  
"I hate you. I hate you and everything you did. You didn't do any good in 1982 and I don't expect that to change. You're a demon. You do the devil's work."  
Fiddleford said, giving Dipper a look of distain.  
"What do you mean I didn't do any good? I fixed you."  
"I hardly thing harassing and terrorizing me until I got therapy counts as a good thing. You're methods gave me more PTSD than I already had!"  
"The ends justifies the means."  
Dipper shrugged. Fiddleford sent him a glare.  
"I'm not gonna argue with you. Take the laptop. Give it to your boy if you want. I'm leaving."

Fiddleford shoved the laptop at Dipper then stomped out. Dipper let out a breath. He's glad that's over. After making sure nothing was out of place he teleported back to the basement to continue to help work on the portal.

In the morning Dipper gave the laptop to Bill saying Fiddleford has called really early in the morning so he picked it up before the kids woke up. He also noted that dude to being 30 years old and the rough treatment many files were corrupt but there were still things to look at.

Stan and Dipper tried to play it off but they were both on edge because of how close it was to the portal hitting full power. They'd exchange glances with each other, both thinking about how tomorrow would go. There were so many variables.

Dipper's priority was his kids and everyone understood that. Stan was actually glad that was the case. He loves the kids dearly but it's much easier to focus on the other things that need attention when he has Dipper who he trusts completely when it comes to keeping the kids safe.

While Dipper's here he doesn't have to worry about their safety. 

The demon would kill before he let them be harmed. 

Bill, ever perceptive, could see something was making the adults on edge and pointed it out to Mabel at the breakfast table before she'd woken up enough to notice herself. Pacifica was adept at recognizing a false calm so she could also see it pretty easily. 

In response to the obvious tension, the three of them spent a lot of time looking at the laptop since doing so meant they were out of the way. They don't want to start conflict, not when Bill's so sensitive to it. Plus the laptop had cool things to look at anyway.

Before the day was over Dipper sent Pacifica back home, saying he'll pick her back up day after tomorrow if she wants to come back. Bill and Mabel were now nervous for the next day. If Pacifica had to go home just so she won't be there for one particular day meant something was going down tomorrow.

"Pine tree?"

Bill asked from his bed. He'd requested a tuck in tonight because the tension was making him nervous. Mabel had immediately requested one too so Dipper had gone up with them to tuck both into bed. Dipper gave Mabel a kiss on the head then went over to Bill.

"Yes Bill?"  
Dipper asked while tucking Bill in.  
"What's gonna happen tomorrow?"  
Dipper paused then sighed and smiled fondly.  
"I guess you picked up on that huh?"  
"Yeah, we all did. So what's gonna happen?"  
Bill asked. Dipper thought a minute before answering, knowing Mabel was listening from her bed.  
"Something very important and very big."  
"Is it gonna be scary?"  
"Probably a bit, yeah, but you'll be fine as long as you do as I tell you. Just remember, I love you and so does Stan. Everything will be ok, I promise."  
"Ok. If you're sure…"  
"I'm sure, sweetheart, so don't worry. Everything will be fine. Now get some sleep. Tomorrow is going to be exciting."  
Dipper kissed Bill on the head then turned the light off and left the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ford comes back Next chapter!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> cnkxk ju euax ruegrzoky rok?


	19. Everyone Has a Very Stressful Day

Bill woke up expecting everything to be different. How he wasn’t sure, maybe the sky was purple now or it was raining blood, but everything seemed how it always was. Stan made them food of questionable quality for breakfast while Dipper looked through the paper with disinterest.

It was Sunday so the shack wasn’t open. Bill and Mabel had the run of the place as usual with Dipper checking in to make sure they aren’t eating too much Summerween candy and aren’t doing something dangerous. The whole day was so normal.

Nothing weird had happened and it was driving Bill nuts. Something was supposed to happen today, Dipper confirmed it last night and the tension was still there. He was getting anxious and it must have started to show because Dipper brought out a giant plastic tub of water balloons.

They played with them out front of the shack. Dipper played with Bill and Mabel and even Stan was out there with them. He tossed a few balloons but mostly watched and gave encouragement. It was fun and lightened the mood. In that moment all 4 of them were an actual family.

The breaking point came when for a solid 60 seconds gravity quit working that well and the kids and Stan were lifted a few inches off the ground while Dipper remained unaffected by physics. Once back on the ground Bill was going to start asking questions but Dipper took him and Mabel by the hand before he could.

“We waited too long.”  
Dipper told Stan as he tugged the kids towards the shack.  
“We’ve got to move if we-”

Dipper was cut off by the screeching of wheels. Bill and Mabel immediately clung to Dipper on reflex as a bunch of black cars pulled up around the shack. Dipper let go of their hands to put his arms protectively around them as swat teams arrived and men in black suits exited the cars.

Stan was apprehended and held against one of the cars. This was making Bill extra upset because, sure, Stan was a conman but he wasn’t a bad person. He was like Dipper. A conman who’s probably done a few not so great things but has a good heart and loves him and Mabel.

Stan was his family and Bill doesn’t understand why his family has to keep being taken from him. Bill was becoming upset. Dipper attempted to sooth and calm him down while still holding Mabel who was now also worried for her brother on top of everything else.

“What did I do to warrant this much arresting?!”  
Stan asked. An agent walked over to Stan.  
“Stanford Pines, I’m Agent Powers, and we have plausible reason to believe you’ve made a doomsday device in your house. You’re being taken in for questioning.”  
Bill looked up at Dipper, tears in his eyes.

“Do something pine tree! Why aren’t you doing something? Pine tree please do something. Don’t let them take my family again. Please! I’ve already lost two sets of parents and my grandpa, don’t let them take Stan too!”

Dipper kneeled down and brought his kids closer to talk to them at a volume no one else could hear.

“If they take Stan away for good I’ll fight Time Baby myself in globnar to get a second chance to keep it from happening. As it stands we’re gonna have to go to plan B. Stan will be fine. I’ll make sure of it, you have my word. Right now though, I gotta focus on getting you where I want you. You ready to follow my instructions?”

The kids were scared and worried but a spark of determination was in their eyes. They both nodded.

An agent walked over to them.

“Ok kids I’m Agent Trigger. Get into the car, time to go. We’ll get you to foster care.”  
Bill and Mabel clung closer to Dipper. Trigger reached out and Dipper let out a low growling noise, holding the twins closer.  
“You touch my little siblings and you lose that hand.”  
As if having some common sense, Trigger backed off a little.  
“I still need you to get in the car.”  
Dipper looked back at the kids and gave them a quick wink. The twins relaxed a little bit knowing he had a plan.  
“Ok.”  
Dipper led the twins to the car and got them in the backseat then took the passenger seat himself. Trigger got in the driver’s side. He looked at Dipper.  
“You know, the file said Stan only had two kids.”  
“I turned 18 right before the being adopted so technically I’m an adult so he didn’t exactly ‘adopt’ me but I wasn’t going to leave my little sibs and Stan didn’t object to extra family.”

Tigger looked at Dipper closely for a moment trying to find a lie but nothing seemed out of place. Dipper’s lie came out as seamlessly as a truth and his body language and tone matched that of what would be expected of a teenager in this situation.

So, Trigger shrugged and went with it. He could check records more thoroughly later. Dipper waited until they were far enough away from the shack to not draw immediate attention but still close enough for it to no be difficult to get back before undoing his seatbelt and shifting into a pose that better reflected he intensions.

“Hey, put your seatbelt back on.”  
Trigger commanded. Dipper chuckled at little.  
“If you’re really an agent that has enough paranormal training to be assigned Gravity Falls I have a quiz for you. What do you do if you piss off a demon with something on the line?”  
“What are you-”

Trigger glanced over only to see Dipper with black eyes grinning and pointing a tommy gun at him. Started, he yelped and jerked away causing the wheel to turn and the car to drive into a tree. Dipper slowed the car with magic enough to keep his kids from harm but the front of the car definitely had some damage and they wouldn’t be going anywhere. 

Dipper laughed and made a buzzer noise play.

“Sorry but the correct answer is pray for mercy.”  
Trigger reached for his phone to call for back up and Dipper snapped his fingers, frying the electronics.  
“Listen here kid, I’m gonna tell you what’s going to happen and you’re going to listen.”  
Dipper pointed the gun at Trigger and the agent, unable to think of other options, nodded.

“Good. First you’re going to let us go with no complaining. Second, you’re not going to give anyone a heads up we’re coming. Lastly, you aren’t going to do anything involving my family again. If any of those rules are broken I will break you. My specialty is the mind so unless you fancy padded rooms and a straight jacket I suggest you don’t give me a vendetta. Course I wouldn’t mind putting some lead in you too.”

Trigger reached back slowly and unlocked the doors. If Dipper’s really a demon that’s above his level of certification and he’s not taking chances. The twins wasted no time in getting out of the car and Dipper nodded in approval. 

“Good choice kid. Give me a half hour then you can run to your buddies. Tell them Mason is here and you’re interfering.”

Dipper said then got out too. He walked over to his kids. They looked at him.  
“Where’d you get a gun?”  
Bill asked.  
“I keep more than just your stuff in the void. This was my favorite tommy gun in the 20s. It saw me through the Saint Valentine’s Day massacre and several assassinations among other things so I kept it.”  
Dipper replied, petting the gun affectionately.  
“The what?”  
“The Saint Valentine’s Day massacre. When you’re older I’ll take you to Vegas so we can go to the mob museum. For now, we’ve got places to be.”

Dipper summoned a violin case from the void, disassembled the gun and stored it in the case then sent the whole thing back to the void. Afterwards he took the twins’ hands and started walking back towards the shack with them.

“Dipper, were you really going to shoot him?”  
Mabel asked.  
“The gun was unloaded. I saved it because I’m attached to it, it saw me through a lot, but I don’t want to hurt anyone else with it.”  
“You hurt people?”

“I was in the mob sweetie. I talked myself out of every situation I could but being in the mob meant using a gun sometimes. It’s not like I was shooting people for fun. It was my least favorite part, but crime is crime and it’s not pretty.”  
Dipper explained.  
“I’m a demon, being 100% good is impossible for me so my past is dirty. I’m trying my best to be good for you so you two have someone worth looking up too. I love you two more than anything and it’s an anchor I’ve never had in the past. While I’m not infallible, you two make me want to try even harder to be good.”

Mabel smiled at Dipper.  
“I love you, Dipper.”  
“I also love you, pine tree”  
Bill piped up. Dipper smiled and gave both of their hands a squeeze.  
“I love you both too.”

They made it back to the shack together. On their way they had to stop a few times as gravity anomalies hit, each lasting longer than the last. Dipper had made sure his grip on the kid kept them grounded and had to explain what they were. Now they were hiding in the bushes near the shack that had the FBI everywhere.

“Ok kids I’m going to tell you something very important and I don’t have time to answer all your questions so you each get one. Other than that you’ll just have to trust me. You can ask me anything you want after it’s over. Are you listening?”

Bill and Mabel exchanged glances then nodded.  
“You need to get to the basement.”  
“We have a basement?”  
Bill interrupted.  
“Oops sorry. Go on.”

“You need to get to the basement. You’ll be safest there. I can’t teleport you there because that place is so powered up adding magic will destabilize it. I can teleport you to Stan’s office though and help you find the code but I can’t get any closer than that. I’ll make a distraction so you can get from the office to the vending matching then you’re on your own.”  
Dipper said.  
“Once your down there find something nailed down to hold on to and hold on with your life, these gravity anomalies are just going to get worse. Lastly, for the love of Axolotl, don’t go near the portal. Don’t shut it down don’t go near t at all. I can’t have one of you sucked in. You will not survive being sucked in. Are we clear on the plan?”

“Yes.”  
“Uh-huh.”  
“Questions?”  
“Why is there a portal in the basement?”  
Mabel asked.  
“There’s too much to explain. Let’s just say it’s needed for a reunion. You’ll understand when it happens.”  
“What’s on the other side of the portal?”  
Bill asked.  
“The nightmare realm. Everyone there is an asshole. They tried to eat me once. I hate all of them. Ok that’s all the questions we have time for. Hold on to me.”

Dipper held Bill and Mabel and teleported them to Stan’s office. He made quick work of getting the confiscated items box and quickly dumped it on the ground. After a quick search Dipper held up the vending machine code.

“Bill you’re in charge of the code.”  
“Why are there so many fake IDs in here?”  
“Yeah, and why does this article say Stan Pines is dead?”  
Dipper ignored the questions since there simply wasn’t time.  
“Mabel, I expect this to be used responsibly.”  
Dipper summoned the grappling hook out of the void and handed it to her.  
“On my signal get to the basement.”  
“What’s your signal?”  
“You’ll know.”

Dipper hugged them tightly then teleported out of there. The kids waited apprehensively. After about 5 minutes there was a big explosion and the swat team in the house could be heard running out to check it out. That was a signal if anything.

Bill and Mabel carefully left the room and made their way to the gift shop. They had to hide a few times because not all the FBI guys had left. There was one that blocked their path but Mabel knocked him out with the grappling hook. 

They made it to the gift shop about the same time as Soos.

“Soos!”  
“Little dude are you two ok?”  
They met at the vending machine.  
“Yeah, we’re… we’re ok. What are you doing here?”  
“Oh, Stan called me and said I needed to guard this vending machine with my life. No one’s getting near it with Soos on the job.”  
The twins exchanged a look.  
“Looks like we have conflicting instructions because Dipper told us we need to get passed it.”  
Bill fished the code out of his pocket and showed it to Soos.  
“We need to type this in.”  
“Well, if there’s some big spooky thing back there you dudes probably shouldn’t be down there and Stan said to not let anyone near.”  
Mabel pulled Bill to the side so they could have a private conversation.  
“We have conflicting interests here. Soos is our friend and Stan is our Grunkle but Dipper’s our guardian and I don’t think they agreed on a plan beforehand.”  
She whispered, aware of the time ticking by. Bill nodded.  
“Yeah, didn’t Dipper say something about this being plan B? They must have only talked about plan A. Who do we listen to?”

They looked at each other. There really wasn’t a question. Only one person had been around their whole lives looking out for them, teaching them, and doing everything they can to keep them safe. So out of all their options, when it comes down to the line, there is only one answer.

“Dipper?”  
“Dipper.”

They turned back to Soos.  
“Sorry Soos, but when it comes down to the line like this we listen to Dipper above everyone else.”  
“Pine tree has never been wrong before. He wouldn’t tell us to go down there if he didn’t think that’s where we’d be safest.”  
“Sorry dudes, I can’t let you at the vending machine. Besides isn’t Dipper like a demon or something? Are you sure he’s that trustworthy?”  
Bill shared a quick glance with Mabel and shoved the code to her. Mabel walked closer to Soos and got the attention on her.  
“Dipper loves us, of course he’s trustworthy. He’s done some bad things but so has everyone else. He’s lived a very long time and he can’t help who he is so cut him some slack and-”

While Soos was distracted with Mabel Bill had backed up. Mabel was cut off by him running at full speed and tackling Soos. It knocked Soos off balance enough for Mabel to get in and put in the code. The vending machine moved from the wall a bit.

Bill hopped off Soos and helped his sister pull the machine away more. There was a passage behind it. The twins nodded at each other and went in. Soos went in after them, not wanting two kids to go down a spooky passage alone. He pulled the vending machine closed too so the FBI guys wouldn’t find what Stan was clearly trying to hide.

They found the elevator and got in and went down.

“You dudes work together really well.”  
Soos said as they waited in the elevator.  
“Yep. Now since you’re here, are you in this with us?”  
“Or are you against us?”  
“I guess I’m with you dudes.”  
“Good. They we’ll tell you Dipper’s instructions.”  
Bill said.  
“We’re supposed to find something nailed down and hold on. The gravity anomalies aren’t going to stop until this is over.”  
“So what’s actually going on then?”  
Soos asked. The twins exchanged unsure glances.  
“We don’t really know but it involves a portal. Dipper said there wasn’t time for questions.”  
“But we still trust him.”

The elevator dinged and they exited into the work area. They didn’t get far before a gravity anomaly happened. Bill and Mabel held on to each other until they were back on the ground. That one lasted 10 minutes so they were getting stronger.

They explored the area. Dipper’s lab coat was strewn sloppily over the desk chair, probably like that instead of set neatly because of the gravity anomalies. There was also a desk with lots of complicated looking buttons and dials. 

On the desk was a framed picture of Bill and Mabel. Dipper had bought them disposable cameras at the beginning of summer so they could make new memories since their old ones burned. He was confident the shack would feel more like home with their pictures everywhere and Dipper had been right.

Bill snooped around and found journals one and two. 

“Wait. If Stan had these the whole time then that means…”  
Bill’s mind was whirling trying to piece this puzzle together.  
“Uh, dudes.”  
Soos said and pointed up at a countdown clock that just hit five minutes. There was a ding and all three looked over to see Stan getting out of the elevator. He saw them too.  
“What the- His plan B was to put you down here?!”  
“Grunkle Stan!”  
Bill and Mabel said at the same time, both looking at him as he approached.  
“Are you ok?”  
“Are you still arrested?”  
“I’m fine. Dipper helped me get here in time and he’s taking care of the government. Look, you kids need to stay here with Soos. It’s almost time and I got to be there for it.”  
Stan ruffled both kids hair then moved passed quickly to get to the door and into the next room.  
“Wait! Grunkle Stan, Dipper said stay in the first room until it’s over!”  
Bill yelled chasing after Stan into the next room.  
“Bill think before you act for once!”

Mabel said in exasperation, chasing after her impulsive brother. Soos followed closely behind her. In the other room Bill tripped and both journals slid out of his arms and across the floor. Mabel rushed to him to make sure he was ok as he was getting up.

“Kids! I told you to stay in the other room! It’s almost time.”

Stan shouted but Bill wasn’t listening. His gaze was transfixed on the portal and when Mabel looked where he was looking, hers was too. It was huge and triangular and clearly working overtime with a swirling blue vortex in its center.

“Holy shit.”

Bill whispered. Before they could move there was another gravity anomaly and everyone was up in the air. This one was big enough to lift more than people and small objects. All the surrounding debris lying about was lifted too. 

It only lasted about 3 minutes as the portal was making an intense whirling noise but it felt like those minutes happened in slow motion. Then the countdown hit zero and a wave of energy burst outward from the vortex and flung everyone into the back wall.

There was crashing noises and flashing lights but Bill’s glasses fell off when he landed and he couldn’t see anything, it was all just one big blur. While feeling around for his glasses he heard gasps from everyone then, after a second, a loud smack noise.

“Hey! What was that for?!”  
He heard Stan say right as he located his frames. He quickly put them on and saw Stan rubbing his cheek and another person with a trench coat.  
“Why did you activate the portal? Did you not read my warnings? It could of destroyed the world!”  
The new guy shouted.  
“I was trying to save you genius!”  
“Stanley, are you seriously-”  
“Wait _Stanley_?!”  
Bill shouted, interrupting the new comer and drawing attention to him.  
“Stanley why is there a child here?”  
“There’s two actually.”  
Mabel chimed in, having approached along with Bill.  
“Yeah, these are Schermie’s grandkids there.”  
“I have a niece and nephew?”  
The newcomer said, seeming excited about that.  
“Yep, kids this is-”  
Stan started but everything had just clicked with Bill so he interrupted.  
“The author of the journals! And he said I’m his nephew which makes him your brother.”  
Bill stared pacing as he was putting everything together.

“Going deeper, since your Stanley that makes him Stanford, probably. He had to have lived here which makes those Stan pines is dead articles and you going by Stanford make sense because his name is on the lease not yours. Everything makes sense now. That is, if I’m right. Am I right?”

Bill looked and Stan and Ford. Ford seemed genuinely impressed.  
“That’s… actually correct. Though I wasn’t aware Stanley stole my identity.”  
He shot a testy look at Stan then turned back to the kids.  
“Anyway, you two can just call me Ford.”  
“Name’s Bill.”  
“And I’m Mabel.”  
Ford shook their hands.  
“Well it’s nice to meet both of you.”  
“You do have six fingers! That’s so cool!”  
Bill said gleefully when shaking Ford’s hand.  
“You’ll have to excuse my brother. He’s been super pumped about you’re journals all summer so he’s just excited to meet you.”  
Mabel said when it was her turn.  
“I didn’t know I had fans.”  
“You do but you might not be getting journal 3 back.”  
“Oh?”  
“Bill’s possessive over books and right now that’s his favorite one. I mean he won’t even let Dipper touch it. So he probably won’t hand it over even to you.”  
“Who’s Dipper?”  
“Our big brother.”  
“Oh? I have another nephew somewhere?”  
“Uh, something like that.”  
Soos finally pipped up.  
“Hey, uh, how exactly did you get on the other side of the portal thing and all that?”  
“Yeah! Story time! Story time!”  
Bill said bouncing excitedly. There was an explosion from somewhere above.  
“Should we be concerned about that?”  
Ford asked.  
“Nah, it’s probably just pine tree taking care of shit.”  
“Stanley did you curse around this child?”  
“He came like that.”  
Stan said.  
“I learned to curse from pine tree.”  
“Who’s pine tree?”  
“My big brother.”  
“Ah.”  
“So story time? Please?”  
“Alright.”

-

They’d listened to the whole story and Ford was confused as to why Bill was frowning.  
“Something wrong Bill?”  
“Yeah. Where in the story does Mason come in?”  
Ford stared at Bill with his mouth slightly open. Bill tilted his head and blinked up at him.  
“I guess you heard of him in the journal I assure you that-”  
“You worked with him. He was your assistant for two years. I bet the portal was the project you were working with him on. I don’t really know or understand what happened but don’t lie to me.”  
Ford narrowed his eyes behind his cracked glasses.  
“How do you know that?”  
Bill seemed like he was going to answer but Mabel put a hand on his shoulder and shook her head.  
“Let him have his chance to be dramatic.”  
“Yeah. Today’s been really stressful on everyone. I bet he’d enjoy that. Do you think the FBI are gone yet?”  
“THE FBI?!”  
Ford shouted and was ignored.  
“Let’s check.”

Mabel replied then her and Bill started back to the elevator. Stan followed behind them and so did Soos leaving Ford to catch up to them. They made their way up stairs and into the gift shop. The shack appeared deserted but there was noise coming from the front yard.

That noise was loud, unhinged, laughter.

Bill and Mabel sighed in unison, and started for the door so they could remind their dumb demon he’s not there to torment mortals and consume the souls of the innocent. He’ll calm down for them and right now he’s definitely having too much fun with whatever he’s doing.

Before they made it very far they were stopped by Ford who seemed horrified they were just going to go out there, no weapons or protection or even a plan of any kind. He shot a look at Stan, not quite believing he’d just let two _children_ go out there when something evil is clearly out there.

“Kids, no, stay in here. I know that laugh. It’s much too dangerous for you to go out there when he’s there.”  
“Nah, Grunkle Ford, we’ll be fine.”  
Bill said.  
“No, I will take care of this.”  
Ford pulled out a gun and walked towards the door.  
“Can pine tree be hurt by a gun if his body isn’t real?”

Bill whispered to Mabel who shrugged. They followed Ford out and Stan went out to watch. From the porch they could see the government guys trapped in a ring of fire with five foot flames. Dipper was there, in human form but his feet were off the ground. 

His form was barely holding too. Bill hadn’t seen Dipper’s form crack since second grade when they had the exorcist incident and even then it was only a little. This time his entire body was full of cracks. Black wisps leaked from them and his eyes were black with black bleeding down his face a bit.

Combined with the manic grin and pure glee it was actually pretty terrifying.

“Ooh, we may have left him too long.”  
Bill whispered.  
“Yeah…”  
Mabel agreed.  
“This is probably a job for you, Bill. You’re better at deals and working with him when he’s slipping. He’ll definitely listen to you.”  
Bill nodded.  
“Yeah, I’m on it.”  
“Kids I said stay back.”  
Ford ordered and stepped to block the kids, unfortunately he didn’t whisper so he caught Dipper’s attention. Dipper lit up.  
“Come to JOIN THE PARTY sixer? _There’s room for one more!_ ”  
“Stay back demon!”  
“What a FUN LITTLE TOY _you’ve got there_. HATE for something to _happen_ to it.”

Ford seemed distracted so Bill casually side stepped and walked out towards Dipper. Ford tried to stop him but he dodged. Dipper’s full attention was already on him anyway. Ford was horrified this 12-year-old boy was just walking up to a crazed demon with no fear and no one seemed to care.

“Pine tree, by take care of the government guys we did not mean torcher them for all eternity and eat their souls. You’re having too much fun with this.”  
Dipper stared at him for a long moment then put his feet back on the ground and stood normally.  
“What WOULD you _like me to do_ THEN?”  
“Uh, I don’t know? Maybe like, eat their memories of all this then make them leave. Wait do you need their permission for that?”  
“ _I need_ PERMISSION. It DOESN’T have to be _their_ permission.”

“Then you have my permission to remove only the memories to do with Gravity Falls and the Pines family from these people then make them leave the area. You may make them leave any way you chose as long as they end up somewhere safe. As a reward and payment for the my request you dispose of the removed memories with whatever method you want including eating them if you so choose.”

“ _I accept_. Please wait on the porch for me sweetheart.”  
“Yes, pine tree.”

Bill walked back to the porch and stood next to Ford who was staring at him. Ford was dumbfounded at how this mere child completed a transaction with a demon easily and professionally. Bill didn’t show a reaction that would give the demon leverage and even worded it correctly so the demon doesn’t have loopholes and can’t say he wasn’t paid.

Ford was impressed and horrified that Bill could do that and is already fearing for the boy’s safety.

Dipper had switched to his pine tree form and was combing the collective memory banks of the government agents. When he was done he had a big ball of memory about the size of a cantaloupe. He snapped and all the now dazed looking government guys disappeared.

When that was done and the fire gone he switched back to his now repaired and normal looking human form. He tore a chunk off the ball of memory and stuffed it in his mouth like it was a handful of popcorn, savoring the metaphysical taste, then turned and made his way to the porch.

Ford stood in front of Bill. Dipper stopped a few yards away and looked at him calmly.

“I apologize for my earlier behavior. I got a bit carried away. Now move.”  
“No, Mason, you leave my family alone! You’ve done enough damage already.”  
Dipper’s eye twitched. Provoking him, especially right after he just calmed down, isn’t a good idea.

“I see how it is. You know, I was kind of hoping you wouldn’t come through that portal. Maybe you found someplace you liked better or maybe ‘ol Parana Pines got to you first. I hear he has a thing for killing any Stanford Pines he comes across after all. I guess I wasn’t so lucky.

Dipper hissed.  
“Now step aside so I can make sure my kids are alright.”  
“No. I will not let you use and corrupt these children!”

Ford growled. In the background Stan ran a hand over his face in exasperation. They should have told Ford about their demonic resident before they left the basement. Dipper was getting twitchy and clearly pissed off so Mabel and Bill just ran up to him themselves instead of waiting for things to escalate.

“Kids!”

Ford said desperately but was ignored. He couldn’t do anything as the kids were already right up to Dipper and he feared his involvement would get them harmed. Dipper became calm and pleasant again when faced with the kids. 

“Hey, you guys ok? Are you hurt anywhere?”  
“No, we’re fine.”  
“Yeah, we’re good.”  
“Thank Axolotl, it probably got rough down there.”  
“Yeah I lost my glasses for a second.”  
Bill said. Dipper smiled.  
“With your eye sight that must have been tough. Come to think of it you probably need an optometrist checkup soon. You could use a new pair of glasses.”  
“Yeah, probably, hey pine tree is that all the memories?”  
Bill asked pointing at the white glowing ball Dipper was holding.  
“Yeah. It’s metaphysical so mortals can’t touch it. Go on, try.”  
Bill and Mabel reached out but their hands went through the sphere like it was just air.  
“Cool!”  
“If it’s metaphysical, why can we see it.”  
Mable asked. Dipper wiggled the fingers of his free hand.  
“Magic.”

Ford just stood on the porch watching Dipper interact with the kids. He was very confused and distressed. Though he was glad Dipper wasn’t harming the children he was confused as to why that is and was very concerned about what that could mean. 

Bill has already shown he has no fear of Dipper and Mabel didn’t seem frightened either. Even when Dipper had let himself go quite a bit they were more exasperated than scared. Ford hopes Dipper isn’t grooming them for something. 

Stan came up and put his hand on Ford’s shoulder.

“The demon lives here too so play nice.”  
Ford’s head turned sharply towards Stan.  
“HE WHAT?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> was it everything you hoped for?
> 
> Also yes I did reference Evil Stan AU
> 
> I told you there will be a lot of AUs mentioned ;)


	20. Nothing Bad Happens but Dipper Still Feels Terrible

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not beta-ed or read over

Ford looked at Stan like he was insane.  
“What do you mean the demon lives here too?!”  
“Exactly how it sounds poindexter.”  
“ _Why _?”__  
Ford asked in distress.  
“He’s here for the kids.”  
“You’re willingly letting a demon near children?!”  
Stan waved him off.  
“It’s fine. Dipper loves the kids. They’re safer with him around.”

____

Ford gaped at Stan who just rolled his eyes. He didn’t know what to say. Dipper walked up to the porch then, kids in tow. He nodded at Stan and sent a warning look to Ford before leading the children inside the shack. Stan followed leaving Ford on the porch. 

He couldn’t believe this was happening. He’s back only to be faced with that demon again. Only this time it’s even worse because not only is Dipper mixed up with his family, there are children involved. Ford just met his grand niece and nephew and he’s already fearing they’re going to get hurt. 

They’re clearly attached to Dipper and not scared of him at all. That’s not good. Dipper is dangerous. It’s doubtful he’ll let Ford be alone with the kids willingly so Ford will have to make some plans to get some time with them without Dipper around. 

“Hey Sixer,”  
Ford jumped and spun around to face the door way. He got in a defensive stance as Dipper was standing there holding a phone. Dipper rolled his eyes.  
“Calm your shit. I’m ordering pizza for dinner; what kind do you want?”  
Ford gave him a weird look but relented.  
“Ham and mushroom.”  
“Thank you.”  
Ford watched Dipper dial the phone then put it to his ear.  
“Yeah, I want a small ham and mushroom pizza, a small meat lover’s pizza, and a medium half cheese half pineapple pizza delivered to 618 gopher road. Ok, thanks.”  
Dipper hung up then gestured for Ford towards the door.  
“You gonna stand out here all night or come inside. I promise I’m not going to steal your soul and I’m sure the kids would like to eat dinner with you.”  
Ford eyed Dipper.  
“Why are you being pleasant?”  
“Would you rather me be unpleasant?”  
“No.”  
“Then why are you complaining?”  
“I’m on to you.” 

__Ford said then marched passed Dipper and went inside. Dipper rolled his eyes and stayed on the porch to wait for the pizza. It’ll give Ford a chance to talk to the kids without him hovering. Dipper knows the kids will want to spend time with their newly discovered uncle and he doesn’t have a problem with that._ _

Ford walked into the living room where everyone was. Bill and Mabel lit up when they saw him. <

“Grunkle Ford!”  
“Hey kids.”  
Stan was in the one chair so Ford sat on the floor. Both kids moved to be near him.  
“I’m excited to get to know both of you.”  
“Are you going to show us cool science stuff?”  
Bill asked.  
“I suppose I could if you’re interested.”  
“Yeah! But wait until Paz gets back. She likes doing science stuff too.”  
“Paz?”  
“Pacifica Northwest.”  
Mabel corrected and Stan let out a grunt.  
“Yeah, the girl spends more time here than at her own house.”  
“Why does she do that? Aren’t the Northwest’s the richest people in town? Or has that changed? I haven’t been here in quite a while.”  
Ford asked.  
“No, they’re still rich, but Paz is our friend and her parents majorly suck so pine tree’s kind of assimilating her into our family.”  
Bill said. Ford frowned.  
“What exactly is your relation to Mason?”  
“Oh! He’s our guardian.”  
“What? He used that lie on you too?”  
Bill and Mabel looked at Ford quizzically.  
“What?”  
“He told me he was the guardian of Gravity Falls.”  
“Oh. We meant more like he’s our parent.”  
“Yeah, except he acts more like a responsible big brother than a dad.”  
“How long has he been around you?”  
“He came to me when I turned 3 with the task of protecting me.”  
Bill explained.  
“His job only specified me but he decided to put Mabel under his protection as well and has since been taking care of us.”  
“That’s concerning.”  
“Why?”  
“Do you know what he wants from you?”  
“Us to be safe and happy and to grow up as good, well-adjusted, adults.”  
Bill replied and Mabel nodded.  
“Yeah, Grunkle Ford, Dipper loves us and just wants to take care of us. We know him being a demon makes the whole thing sound a little fishy but we promise you’ve got nothing to worry about.”  
“Yup, yup. Pine tree protects us.”  
Before Ford could reply to that Dipper came in with several pizza boxes.  
“Dinner’s here. I expect a thank you from everyone since I’m the only reason we still have one pizza place that will deliver to us.”  
“Thank you pine tree.”  
“Thank you Dipper.”  
“Thanks kid.”  
Bill, Mabel, and Stan said. Ford was surprised Dipper got a thank you so easily out of Stan.  
“I’m not a kid.” 

Dipper commented to which Stan just rolled his eyes then went to set the pizza in the kitchen. Soon everyone had some pizza except for Dipper who was munching on more of the memories. There were quite a few and he’s not in a rush so it’ll take him a bit to eat all of them. 

Ford kept an eye on Dipper the whole time, but Dipper didn’t bother him. Dipper is just going to try and avoid Ford whenever possible, ignore him completely. Interaction will only lead to confrontation. If Ford wants to fight Dipper will fight but Ford has to start it. 

After dinner, Dipper sent Bill and Mabel to bed. It was late and they had a big day. Ford eyed Dipper as he ruffled the children’s hair and promised them good dreams then gave a good night hug to each. The actions and words were so loving Ford could see how children could be so easily fooled by them. 

Ford is convinced that Dipper has something planned for Bill and Mabel. Whatever it is he wants involves a long term plan. Starting young like he did would have been the perfect way to get the kids on his side like he has.

Dipper seemed to sense Ford’s staring and turned his head enough to give him the evil eye. Ford visibly shuttered. The glare was cut short by a crash coming from upstairs leading Dipper leave the room in favor of sorting out the issue. 

Once Dipper was gone again, Ford rounded on Stan. 

“I can’t believe you let a demon in the house let alone let him LIVE here.”  
“We had a deal so I can’t kick him out. Sides, he ain’t that bad, mostly keeps to himself and only acts up when the kids are in trouble.”  
Ford gave Stan an incredulous look.  
“You seriously have no problem with him being near our impressionable grand niece and nephew?”  
“First of all, he came with them and has made it clear he ain’t leaving them. Second of all, I wasn’t ok with it in the beginning.”  
Stan said and Ford raised an eye brow.  
“You weren’t?”  
“We fought for at least a week, maybe more. I even called an exorcist but he turned on his heels and left the moment he saw Dipper, only pausing to tell me ain’t no exorcist out gonna help me with this one.” “What changed?” 

__“It got too much for Bill. The kid doesn’t do well with conflict like that and he loves Dipper more than anything else. We were fighting and he couldn’t take it and started crying. You should have seen it Ford, Bill was so distraught and it’s near impossible to calm him down once he starts crying but as soon as he started it’s like everything else stopped for Dipper. Nothing else mattered besides making things ok and he calmed that kid down so quick.”  
Stan sighed.  
“I didn’t like it, and I didn’t make the deal easy on him, but like it or not that demon is those kids’ big brother. He’s their best friend and does nothing but love, protect, and spoil them. He’d have probably bargained anything to stay with them. It took a while but turns out he’s an ok guy.” 

“You don’t know him like I do Stanley. He’s a liar and a deceiver, a monster with a silver tongue.”  
Ford said and Stan took a sip from his soda before replying.  
“Maybe I don’t, but I know Bill and Mabel are his life. People change, Ford. I don’t know what happened between you but you keep the kids out of it. They’ve been through enough.”  
“I won’t involve the children. This is between me and Mason.”  
“Good.”  
It was quiet for a bit.  
“I can’t believe all this is happening. If you’d just done what I asked you to 30 years ago we wouldn’t be in this mess.”  
Ford accused and Stan glared back at him.  
“I just spent 30 years trying to get you back, have yet to get a thank you, and-” 

“ _ **Enough**_.” 

Both men turned to the new voice and saw Dipper was back in the room. He didn’t look that pleased either. Ford clenched his fists while Stan backed down in his seat and just grumbled, not wanting to get in the middle of the impending bitch fight between Dipper and Ford. 

Dipper walked up to Ford. 

“Tread carefully Sixer. Bill and Mabel are my babies and if you hurt them I will show you the true meaning of pain.”  
“My psyche is off limits. My mind is protected now.”  
Ford knocked on his head and it made a clink noise.  
“Who said I needed to get in your head to make you hurt? I don’t need to be able to get in your head to leave psychological scars. Hurting you physically can do that for me.”  
Dipper stepped back.  
“If you feel like paying me what you owe, I’m open to negotiation. Until then I’d keep your distance. I’m not pleased your back, kinda wished you were dead. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have obligations to fulfil.” 

Dipper left Stan and Ford in the living room and walked to the gift shop. He went down to the basement to begin work tearing the machine down. After committing the machine to memory, Dipper sighed and summoned a sledge hammer. 

This would take a while. 

\- 

Ford couldn’t sleep. There was a demon in the house and the portal still intact. He couldn’t relax, even with the knowledge that the portal couldn’t be started again without weeks of charging and work. He didn’t trust it being unguarded, especially since Dipper hasn’t been seen since threatening him. 

Stan had insisted he was worrying about nothing, that the demon was trustworthy. Ford will never believe that. He’ll figure out what Dipper’s plan is and how to stop him. That all starts right now with him securing the basement. 

Ford got off the sofa in the room that used to have the electron carpet (Ford’s not sure where that went) and headed for the basement. As he exited the elevator into the lab he heard loud banging. He quickly rushed into the portal room to see Dipper crushing pieces of the portal with a sledge hammer. 

The portal room was a wreck. It was half torn down, there were broken wires that seem to have been ripped from their places and plates of metal everywhere, completely beaten out of shape. Clearly this was Dipper’s work considering he was right in the middle of beating one of the metal plates. 

“What are you doing?!”  
Ford yelled. Dipper took one more good swing before looking up.  
“Fulfilling an obligation, as I said earlier. Let me guess, couldn’t sleep knowing I was on the loose?”  
“Of course! I don’t trust you; especially with the portal here.”  
Ford snapped. Dipper leaned on his sledge hammer.  
“Right, right, well then I guess you’re mighty confused as to why I’m destroying it.”  
“Yes, you work so hard for this project. It seems counterproductive to destroy it, unless you’ve gotten your use out of it somehow.”  
Dipper seemed bored with Ford’s suspicion.  
“Uh-huh, yeah, think what you will. I know I can’t change your mind. However, if you want to know I’ll tell you why I’m doing this.”  
Ford raised an eye brow.  
“Really? Just like that? No deal or anything?”  
“Nope.”  
“Fine. Why are you destroying this project you spent so long on?” 

“First reason: Bill. That kid’s a disaster waiting to happen so I’m cutting the chance of catastrophe down as much as I can. Now that he knows the basement exists like hell he’ll be kept out of it for long so I’d rather the portal to be broken down than give him chance to mess with it.”  
Dipper explained.  
“Reason two: destroying this thing after getting you back was part of a deal I made. I’m simply executing my half of the bargain, though destroying this thing was my plan regardless. _Unlike you_ , I keep my end of the deals I make.” 

“I owe you nothing.”  
“I beg to differ.”  
Dipper hissed. Ford just huffed.  
“Who’d you make a deal with to destroy the portal?”  
Ford questioned, partly to because he wanted to know and partly to defuse the malice now coming off Dipper. Dipper grinned, deciding to take the bait as he didn’t want to fight right now.  
“Oh, just an old… _friend_ of ours.”  
“Can you be more specific?”  
“Yes, but why would I do that?”  
Ford glared at Dipper and the demon sighed in annoyance.  
“Can’t I at least have a little fun with this conversation? You’re so very boring to talk to.”  
“You’re insufferable.”  
“I try.”  
“Get out of here Mason. I don’t want you in the basement anymore.”  
Dipper shrugged at Ford’s demand.  
“After I’m done destroying all my hard work I will leave and stay out of the basement unless retrieving my children. You have my word though I’m sure that doesn’t mean much to you.”  
“It does not.”  
“Figured.”  
Dipper conceded. They looked at each other for a moment.  
“You want to help me tear this thing down?” 

Dipper summoned another sledge hammer. Ford eyed it and Dipper critically. Dipper sighed and approached Ford who took a step back. After stopping a few feet away Dipper held the hammer out to ford vertically by the handle. 

“You want the portal down too and I know you want me out of here sooner than later. It’s doubtful you’ll be able to rest knowing I’m down here so stay and help. Keep an eye on me during if you wish. I’m not trying to make a contract with you.” 

Ford hesitated a moment then took the hammer by the handle. No matter their past or level of trust Dipper was still right, in this case at least. Dipper let go and nodded then went back to work without another word to Ford. 

It took the whole night but they managed to get the portal down and broken. They didn’t talk much, most likely because the more they talk the more likely it is for a fight to occur and now was just not the time for that. They can fight after they’ve rested and things have settled down. 

Because they will fight. 

It’s inevitable. 

Ford is bitter and angry and Dipper is cheated and owed. Those feelings won’t go away on their own. It’s going to be a rough ride until they work things out. The least Dipper can do is try to keep the kids out of it. This isn’t they’re responsibility to fix. 

After they were done Dipper dropped the hammer stretched then headed for the door. He took one more look at Ford then exited the portal room. He went up manually to the giftshop then up to the roof to sit on the Mystery Shack sign and look at the stars. 

“Well, the gang’s all here.”  
Dipper sighed.  
“Everything is a mess and it’s my fault. I just wanted to go home.”  
He ran a hand through his hair. 

“What if I do still get to go back somehow? I’d talk Bill with me, no questions there, but what about the others? I can’t abandoned my other children. They need me too. They’d also miss their family in this dimension. Plus, I’m not sure how keen the people in my dimension would be on accepting Bill.” 

Dipper groaned in frustration.  
“Man, I’m just talking to myself now.” 

There’s too much for him to think about. He doesn’t even want to think about it to be honest. He’s too torn. The thought of never seeing his family and friends again hurts, but so does the thought of losing his kids and any combination option gets complicated quickly. 

Why does every inevitability have to hurt so much? 

He’s only even thinking about this again because of all the complicated emotions seeing Ford again brought up. As pissed off as the demon part of him is and no matter how he acts, he really doesn’t like the look of hatred Ford gives him. 

It hurts so see the spitting image of someone he looked up to, who risked his life for him, give him that look. Dipper has gotten over everyone else being look a likes to people he knew but he didn’t get that chance with Ford. 

Ford didn’t look like the person he knew until he came out of the portal less than 24 hours ago. It was easy to forget who he was when he was young and naive and trickable. That’s not the Ford he’d known back home. 

The Ford here now, on the other hand, looks exactly like the one that Dipper had known and loved. He’s going to have to get over it so it’ll all hurt less. Mixed emotions aren’t good for him. He didn’t have this problem with anyone else but he didn’t have a pre-existing personal relationship with anyone else either. 

What’s Dipper going to do? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know when the next chapter will be out
> 
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> 
> Remember I have a tumblr too! I always posts links to new chapters and bits of things I'm working on there.
> 
> If you want to support me beyond writing comments, there's a ko-fi link in my blog description!
> 
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